If you're delayed for maintenance, be careful how you word things.

For example, if a ramper noticed a dent on the underside of the engine, say something along the lines of "some of our ground crew saw what looked to be a fresh scratch on a non-essential cosmetic fairing, we're just going to have our mechanics come out and take a look at it, just to be extra safe."

Instead of "we're waiting on maintenance to come out and look at some damage on the right engine before we go."

One sounds like someone dinged their car door. The other makes people thing they're going do die.

I liked to randomly key the mic and yell "Mayday, Mayday!"

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"It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts"

“We plan to fly it like we stole it, and land it like we own it.”

Stay classy PSA...

I always liked the CA on a 145 sending the FO back to the cabin. Look out both windows at the wings. Ask the passengers, “Has anybody seen our engines? I thought they were mounted on the wings just a few minutes ago. Now they both are missing.”

With that, mutter, “Guess we’ll have to take off without them.” Turn around and walk back to the flight deck. Close and secure the door.

How about you don’t lie to the passengers m’kay.

Or lie, but explain why it’s necessary:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MMzd40i8TfA

Yes it is better. Larger and higher windows and better shoulder room. The 200 feels claustrophobic in comparison with its tiny port hole windows located down by your elbows.

Oh man, that's hilarious!

Actually that is a great example of how to phrase things. You're not lying you just aren't putting images of death in people's heads.

The flying public in general is collectively stupid. Added to that, many are afraid.

They look to us to calm their fears, not inflame them.