Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the crew room
 not a F/O was stirring, not even a new hire;

There lanyards were hung by the neck with care,
 In hopes that a contract would soon would be here;

The Captains were nestled all snug in their quite room,
While visions of TA's danced in their heads


And Flight Attendants in her 'neck-scarf, and I in my cool pilots hat,
Had just settled our brains for a long 4 hour sit nap—*
When out on the employee parking lot there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the lazyboy to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like an Airbus,
tore open the shutters, and threw up the escape rope.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below;

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, 
but a miniature Cadillac, and two tiny helpers. With a little old driver, so devious and a snob,
 I knew in a moment it must be Bob.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
 and he whistled, and shouted, and call'd them by name:

"On! Bendo, on! and Jyri, on!
" To the top of the terminal! To the top of the wall!
"Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!" 
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
 when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;

So up to the terminal the coursers they flew,
With the Cadillac full of signing bonus checks-and Fornaro's too:
and then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little foot.
 As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the elevator Fornaro came with a bound:
He was dress'd all yellow and black, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnish'd with oil and Skydrol;

A bundle of cash was flung on his back,
 and he look'd like a peddler just opening his pack:
His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples: how merry,
 His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry;

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, 
and the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face, and a little round belly
 that shook when he laugh'd, like a bowl full of jelly:
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
 and I laugh'd when I saw him in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
 soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to the NC,
 and fill'd all the pilots stockings; then turn'd with a jerk,
 and laying his finger aside of his nose
And giving a nod, up the elevator he rose.
 He sprung to his Cadillac, to his team gave a whistle and away they went, and resigned like jumping off the sinking of a ship. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

 

So,........what happens next?

 

Choppy, and didn't rhyme in many spots. I would say do it over, but I lost 2 minutes of my life just reading it, AND it wasn't very comical. You are awarded no points sir, and may God have mercy on your soul!

 

Can I get at least 1 point for effort?

 

I'll give you a high hive for effort..

 

Lol. I'll take it.

 

Don’t spend that high five all in one place.

 

Finish the last verse about the new hire who failed a training check ride and almost busted out; and instead of staying in the books for IOE and being new to the line, decides to write songs for the forums.

I’m guessing you don’t even have a grasp on the reserve rules but are a master at rhyming “merry” and “cherry”

Baby Jesus, help us all

 

Brutal, but needed to be said.
If this guy actually makes it to the line, I hope he has the sense and humility to not lecture captains with employee numbers starting with 5 about the shortcomings of the company. They probably already know.

 

This guy? You mean me? You didn't find my post funny huh?