Originally Posted by jaxsurf

Some of the divorce discussions over the years (here and elsewhere), always get me thinking about marriage, and why high-earning men even get married (to low earners). It just doesn't make sense to me from a risk analysis point of view. I'm generally in support of marriage, and would one day like to get married, because I do think it's good for people, for communities, and for society. But if you're a multi-millionaire or a billionaire, why would you even bother? Having that amount of money would significantly change the equation for me. It's not that I wouldn't ever be able to trust someone that they have the best of intentions and are truly in love going into a marriage, it's that the deck is so incredibly stacked against the high earner in the event of divorce that it would seem to definitely favor not getting married.

It's not even that I dislike alimony or child support, I think they are both fine concepts and they need to exist, it's just that it seems like more often than not they're applied incredibly unfairly. A couple could treat each other with fairness and respect and equality for their entire marriage, but if they end up divorcing for any reason, it's incredibly likely that the divorce settlement won't be fair and equitable. The system seems almost designed to ensure that outcome. Break ups can be incredibly emotional events, and when you combine an event like that with a high income man, the kind of support network that women have (and older men typically don't have), with money grubbing attorneys, and with our legal system, the result seems almost preordained. So why even bother?

And bringing it down to my level (since I am not a multi-millionaire or billionaire, and have zero prospect of becoming either), that still seems to be the outcome for men who only make a few hundred thousand per year. So if you're a decent, honest person who is reasonably attractive, with a high earning job (say, an airline pilot), the prospect of a military pension, and all the stability that those things imply, you're kind of in the drivers seat. So why risk losing half your pension (for life), half of your retirement money, probably your house, and a ton of money every month, for well past the time that any reasonable person would say is fair?

People constantly say, well if you're thinking about those things then you probably just don't love the other person enough, or you're not truly in love with them, but that flies in the face of all of the divorces that occur every year, between two people who were SO SURE that they were absolutely soulmates and totally in love and would never leave one another. So it always seems a little disingenuous to me when people bring up those kind of arguments, because it seems to imply that one should ignore all that and just enter into marriage in a sort of wilful ignorance of what is a very likely outcome in the event of a divorce.

Am I missing something? Again, I like the idea of marriage, and I do want to get married (in theory), I just find the possibility of an incredibly disproportionate and unfair divorce settlement to be extremely galling. I'd feel much better about the whole business of marriage if it were more fair. Thoughts?

I post this here because I'm specifically interested in the thoughts and opinions of those who have similar lives to my own.

Originally Posted by decrabbitz

Don’t marry Domestic, think Import. Domestic has entitlement engrained from birth. Keep it 1st world and you’ll avoid having to import new family members. Aus., NZ, Ger., Sw, etc...

Originally Posted by badflaps

Wealthy women are all not that interested in marriage which should tell you something.

Originally Posted by ShyGuy

Think it ends there?

No Sir.

You're on the hook until one of these 5 conditions:

1. She dies
2. No longer permanent resident AND leaves America (that ain't happening)
3. She becomes a US citizen (sure, she could. But why bother? Green card is permanent residency. Suck money/leach)
4. Deported (not happening)
5. She works 40 quarters. That's 10 years!

Originally Posted by ShyGuy

My brother (doctor) imported.

Divorce. She's keeping the green card. APL since she made next to nothing. And she's suing for 50% distribution.


Think it ends there?

No Sir.

Enter Immigration Support form 864. You know, the document you have to sign in order to have any chance at your spouse being able to come to America. In a nutshell, it basically says you're gonna support her and the government doesn't have to worry she will leach.

Know when that ends?

Divorce.... nope.
Divorce and she re-marries.... still nope!

You're on the hook until one of these 5 conditions:

1. She dies
2. No longer permanent resident AND leaves America (that ain't happening)
3. She becomes a US citizen (sure, she could. But why bother? Green card is permanent residency. Suck money/leach)
4. Deported (not happening)
5. She works 40 quarters. That's 10 years!


Until one of those happens, you will pay 125% of the federal poverty level for 1 person. Right now that math comes out to 16,000 year.

And if she decides to re-marry and then stay a housewife and just raise kids (which is very common in our Asian culture)? My brother is hooked on paying her for life. Until one of the 5 conditions above is met.


Hosed? Absolutely!



To the OP........ sign a pre-nup. And be very careful if you do the import route.

Originally Posted by decrabbitz

Don’t marry Domestic, think Import. Domestic has entitlement engrained from birth. Keep it 1st world and you’ll avoid having to import new family members. Aus., NZ, Ger., Sw, etc...

Originally Posted by HeavyDriver

Wow, what a sad pathetic thread. My wife doesn’t work and grew up in an extremely poor family. But it was a family that taught the value of integrity and kindness. She is the love of my life. We are happily married because we both don’t give a rats ass about the value of stuff. And because of that mindset, we pretty much can buy whatever “stuff” we want. Instead of stuff, we spend our money on experiences together. Amazing that people just don’t get how happiness works. Wow.