I'm at about your point but have been married with kids for a while.

If my marriage fell through I would not get married again, unless it was to someone who 1) I was really into who 2) really wanted to be an honest woman and 3) was financially in about the same place as me and 4) was willing to do mutual pre-nups (and move somewhere that it's enforceable).

Other than that, I'd just shack up in some state where common-law wouldn't entitle her to the fruits of my life's work.

Being married and sharing kids when young is pretty magical. But without that backstory, I don't see the bond or attraction that's worth risking the poorhouse.

At the end of the day it's down to you. It's almost like a vegetarian who looks down on meat eaters and vice versa. Everybody is different. Figure out what you want in life and pursue it relentlessly. I commend you for reaching out on here and getting different perspectives that might help shape your outlook.

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I can’t believe this is a thread most women are gold diggers the good ones are already taken marriage is not worth it it’s like commuting oh commuting isn’t so bad until you put that pilot in base and it’s only a five minute drive to the airport difference is night and day stop trying to rationalize marriage being ok people
Are stupid I know this because most of them
Got married

In your 20s looks attract. In your 40s it's the wallet. I flew with a 60+ year old guy that spends more on hookers than I made as an FO. Still paying for it either way.

Not a marriage license per se, but there's a lot to be said for having and sharing a family. Assuming you like kids.

You can make your own way if that works for you. I'm also actually of the opinion that being married without kids would be easier and probably has a lower divorce rate (less stress, more time for each other). Also less financially risky for bread-winner. I have several friends in childless marriages (some by choice, some not) and all have been married for decades. But for me anyway, having a family was a big part of it.

That works too and I know a few. But some people (of both genders) like the sense of commitment they get with marriage.

Especially as an airline pilot, I wouldn't feel in any way obligated or coerced by the opinions of others on the matter. The only big selling point is kids, and while now days you can adopt or even surrogate and do the solo parent thing, that won't work in our profession unless maybe you're exceptionally senior and can reliably be home every night for 16-18 years.

You probably made a very good choice.

Advise against it (married in my 40s to a gal +5 than me)

The only way the civil contract that is state sanctioned marriage still makes any sense is to protect children in a divorce, with the heavily biased assumption the mother will continue to raise them. Those laws are not on the books to protect you in any way.

Without kids in the planning mix, marriage is really a heads-I-win, tails-you-lose proposition for women.

Marriage was a decent set of compromises that promoted stable family formation...good for the kids. Kids from stable homes do much better, in general, than ones from single-mamma homes.

As an institution, however, it's dead, and women killed it.

Financial security in a partner is always a bonus no doubt and I think most folks put that in the calculus of getting to know someone at least to some degree. I just perhaps misunderstood your post to be putting too much weight in the $$/divorce 'what-if' category. Due diligence is important, but don't let worst case scenarios doom potential happiness.

That said, if she continually asks you about your net worth and your Living Will, then yeah, run away very far & fast.

Your assumption is, most men want a Ferrari. Truth be told it's nice to look at fun to drive but the maintenance bill will kill you. On the other hand, a Honda Accord is very reliable and economical. However, it's kind of boring. My assumption is most are Miata men.

Tesla is a great choice. The upfront cost is a little high, but the long term operating costs are fairly low and predictable. It will last as long as a 1-ton diesel, yet has the attractive shape of a sleek sedan. They are nice to look at, but don't scream for attention like a Ferrari. When you want want to play, a Tesla will blow the doors off of any other garage art. Every time you get to the garage, the Tesla is fully charged and ready to go. My back can't handle a 1,000 mile road trip, so 300 mile range is not an issue. On the occasion of a long weekend jaunt, I don't mind stopping for a recharge.

In case we were talking about wives, I married young. The first thing she noticed was the Casio Databank watch, not the convertible Corvette. She she figured the watch was a sign of future provider potential that overcame my impractical transportation. Had she gone for the car first and scoffed at the nerd watch, she wouldn't have lasted. We both came from average to lower middle class backgrounds, which created a common base for our practical approach to money. If there are major differences in lifestyle expectations, this will create friction, thus the "gold digger" warnings. This will sound way old-fashioned for this thread, but our marriage was a commitment sealed by religious faith. The government certificate which endowed tax benefits was an added bonus. It hasn't been perfect and it takes plenty of maintenance to keep going. Counselling BEFORE it's needed and committing to periodically restoring the relationship is a requirement.

There are no guarantees, DYODD, YMMV, etc...