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-   -   Gratitude / Capt buys? (https://www.airlinepilotforums.com/delta/152804-gratitude-capt-buys.html)

dmhpilot 04-19-2026 07:54 AM


Originally Posted by tennisguru (Post 4025149)
One thing I’ve learned personally as I’ve matured is that a part of being well-rounded emotionally is having the capacity to accept the generosity of others, even when I am not in any form of need. Many times the person being generous (in this case, by buying dinner) gets more satisfaction and enjoyment than the person receiving the generosity. Pushing back against someone trying to be generous robs them of some level of happiness brought by being generous. So in any normal situation I’ve learned to just graciously accept when someone wants to do a kind gesture for me, again even when I am not in any sort of want or need. Obviously there are limits, like I’m not going to let someone ruin their own financial life for my sake, but that’s not what anyone here is talking about.

This is something more people should understand

GutterGuard 04-19-2026 07:56 AM


Originally Posted by tennisguru (Post 4025149)
One thing I’ve learned personally as I’ve matured is that a part of being well-rounded emotionally is having the capacity to accept the generosity of others, even when I am not in any form of need. Many times the person being generous (in this case, by buying dinner) gets more satisfaction and enjoyment than the person receiving the generosity. Pushing back against someone trying to be generous robs them of some level of happiness brought by being generous. So in any normal situation I’ve learned to just graciously accept when someone wants to do a kind gesture for me, again even when I am not in any sort of want or need. Obviously there are limits, like I’m not going to let someone ruin their own financial life for my sake, but that’s not what anyone here is talking about.

Tennis guru. Reserve guru. Life guru.

AverageGPA 04-19-2026 09:19 AM


Originally Posted by tennisguru (Post 4025149)
One thing I’ve learned personally as I’ve matured is that a part of being well-rounded emotionally is having the capacity to accept the generosity of others, even when I am not in any form of need. Many times the person being generous (in this case, by buying dinner) gets more satisfaction and enjoyment than the person receiving the generosity. Pushing back against someone trying to be generous robs them of some level of happiness brought by being generous. So in any normal situation I’ve learned to just graciously accept when someone wants to do a kind gesture for me, again even when I am not in any sort of want or need. Obviously there are limits, like I’m not going to let someone ruin their own financial life for my sake, but that’s not what anyone here is talking about.

Well said. Great perspective.

BusWhisperer 04-19-2026 09:29 AM


Originally Posted by theUpsideDown (Post 4024807)
close your eyes. Everyrhing you see is yours

Open your eyes. Everything you see is mine.

Good breif

Jim? Is that you? I flew freight with a guy about a million years ago that briefed all his FO's just like that. Some he was kidding with, some he was not...

BusWhisperer 04-19-2026 09:31 AM


Originally Posted by tennisguru (Post 4025149)
One thing I’ve learned personally as I’ve matured is that a part of being well-rounded emotionally is having the capacity to accept the generosity of others, even when I am not in any form of need. Many times the person being generous (in this case, by buying dinner) gets more satisfaction and enjoyment than the person receiving the generosity. Pushing back against someone trying to be generous robs them of some level of happiness brought by being generous. So in any normal situation I’ve learned to just graciously accept when someone wants to do a kind gesture for me, again even when I am not in any sort of want or need. Obviously there are limits, like I’m not going to let someone ruin their own financial life for my sake, but that’s not what anyone here is talking about.

This.

filler

CBreezy 04-19-2026 10:40 AM


Originally Posted by tennisguru (Post 4025149)
One thing I’ve learned personally as I’ve matured is that a part of being well-rounded emotionally is having the capacity to accept the generosity of others, even when I am not in any form of need. Many times the person being generous (in this case, by buying dinner) gets more satisfaction and enjoyment than the person receiving the generosity. Pushing back against someone trying to be generous robs them of some level of happiness brought by being generous. So in any normal situation I’ve learned to just graciously accept when someone wants to do a kind gesture for me, again even when I am not in any sort of want or need. Obviously there are limits, like I’m not going to let someone ruin their own financial life for my sake, but that’s not what anyone here is talking about.

I'm going to disagree. While I think it's fair and reasonable to insist on buying beverages and, on special occasions (GS or birthdays or probies) meals, I want to pay for my own stuff. It's certainly a kind gesture but, for me, an unwanted one. I believe in a co-equal partnership with the person I'm flying with. If you buy me beers at night, I want to buy you coffee in the morning. I've had several Captains resoundly reject letting me pay for coffee, even on a single occasion. I'm glad some guys really like to, but please, be mature enough to accept that I prefer to split the check.

GutterGuard 04-19-2026 10:46 AM


Originally Posted by CBreezy (Post 4025206)
I'm going to disagree. While I think it's fair and reasonable to insist on buying beverages and, on special occasions (GS or birthdays or probies) meals, I want to pay for my own stuff. It's certainly a kind gesture but, for me, an unwanted one. I believe in a co-equal partnership with the person I'm flying with. If you buy me beers at night, I want to buy you coffee in the morning. I've had several Captains resoundly reject letting me pay for coffee, even on a single occasion. I'm glad some guys really like to, but please, be mature enough to accept that I prefer to split the check.

It sounds to me like you do agree. You have the emotional maturity to appreciate when someone wants to pay for you sometimes, but you also want to return the favor and don't like it when that isn't appreciated in return. I totally get that.

That's not a you problem, that's a problem with the other guy in this unrequited hypothetical.

demon llama 04-19-2026 10:50 AM

Someone who insists on paying for you but won’t let you return the favor is more interested in control than the relationship.

CBreezy 04-19-2026 11:03 AM


Originally Posted by demon llama (Post 4025208)
Someone who insists on paying for you but won’t let you return the favor is more interested in control than the relationship.

This is kind of what I'm getting at. Thank you for saying it more succinctly. It's why I'm way more comfortable when the song and dance isn't played at all. Or if it is, it's very limited (i.e., let me buy you a drink)

marcal 04-19-2026 11:03 AM


Originally Posted by tennisguru (Post 4025149)
One thing I’ve learned personally as I’ve matured is that a part of being well-rounded emotionally is having the capacity to accept the generosity of others, even when I am not in any form of need. Many times the person being generous (in this case, by buying dinner) gets more satisfaction and enjoyment than the person receiving the generosity. Pushing back against someone trying to be generous robs them of some level of happiness brought by being generous. So in any normal situation I’ve learned to just graciously accept when someone wants to do a kind gesture for me, again even when I am not in any sort of want or need. Obviously there are limits, like I’m not going to let someone ruin their own financial life for my sake, but that’s not what anyone here is talking about.

One of my favorite books is called "The Go-Giver". There is an entire chapter dedicated to this concept. Receive graciously.


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