We were flying out of Dallas and heard a Sout West pilot say reference the turbulence as causing white-caps in his coffee... Then ATC used it again to describe the turbulence to other pilots!

Last summer i was flying down around southeast Georgia somewhere, on center and heard a flight of two T6's doing some training off the coast. Two actually asked for vectors to his lead, and the confused/agitated controller actually responded with: "your asking me for vectors to your wingman??!! I thought you were a flight of two its your job to keep up with him all i see is the two returns right on top of each other!"

It was all i could do to not key the mike and play Dos Gringos "two is blind" from my phone into the mike.

On SFO ground a few months ago during rush hour, for a solid 2 minutes everybody on the frequency was stepping on each other. Nobody could get a word in and someone would always chime in and say "blocked."

Ground was in a bad mood and having none of it. The frustrated controller lashed out "You guys need to stop saying blocked, it just eats up the frequency. Stop talking, if I don't hear a response I will assume I was blocked and make the call again. Just stop saying blocked."

As if on cue, several airplanes all radioed in "blocked." CA and I laughed our assess off. Perfect comedic timing

Arriving in CLT and talking to ramp to get clearance to our gate:

Me: Ramp BYxxxx R for C5
Ramp: BYxxxx let the Steelers bus pass left to right, taxi to gate C5
Me: OK give way to the ugly bus then to the gate BYxxxx
Bus: hey, hey, hey!
Me: Sorry I couldn't resist
Bus: yeah I feel the same way
Me: I feel bad you have to fly it
Bus: well at least I don't have to look at it
Me: touché

Just the other day on a C-17 we had decided to change our destination from Gander to McGuire due to the wx. Well the pilot was getting an upgrade evaluation so he decided to find an entire route at a certain point about 20 minutes away to our new destination. He planned it all out like he was doing a flight plan. Meanwhile, I was thinking wow...this seems so unnecessary, she'll probably give him direct! He then briefs the crew and I told him "watch her give you direct after all that work." I felt pretty confident this would happen because while I am just a loadmaster on the jet, I also fly plenty myself....so this is how it went down!
C-17: Center Reach 192 would like to file a to a new destination.
Cleveland center: Reach 192 roger whats your new destination?
C-17: Reach 192 is a C-17, we are a /G.....blah blah....4 hours fuel and we want to go to WRI we have a route for you if you'd like it...?
C.C.: Reach 192, (Laughing as she keyed the mic) whats your new destination?
C-17: KWRI is our new destination
C.C.: Roger, and uhh, what's this route you would like?
C-17: Yes from XXX Vor J-XXX-VOR-JXXX VOR......you get the picture
C.C. umm....reach 192 can you give me a shorter maybe easier route?
C-17: Uhh sure one moment please
Me: (Watch she's gonna give us direct!)
C.C: (1 min later) Reach 192, im gonna make this easy for you... cleared direct WRI
C-17: Roger cleared direct WRI

I couldn't stop laughing! So much work, for no reason!

I have a decent one. I was heading back into GFK on Halloween with my instructor, I tuned into ATIS and it reads ," wind xx from xx temp xx dewpoint xx blah blah blah.. for further instructions contact...., advise on initial contact you have candy." I had to call up approach with "Sioux22 inbound with candy." We got a good laugh listening to everyone crack jokes all the way in on frequency, the controllers were loving it!

Flying from STL-EWR, we were assigned the Williamsport arrival.
Once we got to altitude I asked the Captain to see if he could get direct SLT.
He keyed up:
"Acey1234 requesting direct destination."
The confused controller replied "Did you just ask for direct Newark"
Captain replied "yes, just trying to be optimistic, but we'll take Slate Run instead"
Controller "yeahhhhh, that's not gonna happen either"

I did the same while on an ILS approach to mins.

One weekend in Southern California this happened:

Socal: Cessna 123, climb and maintain 3,000, proceed direct Paradise (VOR)
Cessna 123 (foreign accent): 3,000 direct to Paradise
*Pause*
Socal: Cessna 123, you're going off altitude and course. Proceed direct Paradise, maintain 3,000.
Cessna 123: Direct Paradise.
*Pause*
Socal: Cessna 123, I'm still showing you off course. Forget the altitude and proceed direct Paradise.
Cessna 123: Direct Paradise.
*Pause*
Socal: Cessna 123, you're still off course, turn to heading 120, vectors to Paradise.
Cessna 123: Heading 120.
Me: Socal, I don't know about you, but I've got 2 tickets to Paradise...
Socal: To the airman that mentioned having 2 tickets to paradise, good job. The whole room is now singing that song.

Hmmmm......
Depending on the source of the foreign accent, telling certain folks to go direct "Paradise" might have some unintended consequences. :eek:

Yoke - full forward: "Oh...thank you, Socal! Virgins, here I come!"