I didn't make this one up myself but its pretty funny...........

One veterans day, an old WWI fighter pilot was giving a talk to an elementary school class about the war. He started telling them about a huge dog fight where the pilot and his wingman battled it out with a group of German fighters.

"We were flying along and suddenly we were being attacked. Them Folkers were coming at us out of the Sun, and there were more Folkers than I'd ever seen.

When a couple of the children giggled, the teacher quickly interrupted to explain to the class that "Folkers were a type of German airplane".

The WWI veteran quickly responded with "Yea, and them Folkers were flying Messerschmitts..."

 

Fokker! Unless that's on purpose

 

Yeah it is, it adds a little bit of an accent to the joke. It doesn't really matter if u say Fokker or Folker.

 

What did the one sardine, say to the other?

We're packed in here like a bunch of skydivers!

 

Guy goes to the doctor, complaining of hearing problems.
Doctor says to guy "Can you describe the symptoms".
Guy says "Well, Homer likes donuts, Marge has blue hair..."

 

What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?
-- 1976 hide-and-seek champion.

And.............another:

Two airline executives go on a moose hunting trip. They hire the cheapest bush pilot they can find and he flies them in his ski plane out into the Alaskan wilderness. After landing on a lake and dropping them off with all their gear, he say, “I’ll be back in a week to pick you up – but you can only have one moose between you. The airplane’s not big enough to carry any more than that.” The execs agree and head out as the pilot flies off.
A week later he lands on the lake, pulls up to the shore and sees the execs waiting for him. All their stuff is packed up and two dead moose are lying at their feet. The pilot is furious. He shuts down and jumps out of the plane. “You idiots, I told you one moose. Now we’re going to have to leave the other here to rot. What were you thinking?”
One of the execs replies, “Last year we paid the pilot an extra $500 and he flew us out.”
The pilot is intrigued and starts thinking. “I could really use the extra money, hold on.” He does some performance calculations in the sand and decides, “Okay – I think we can do it”. They load up all their gear, strap one moose to a wing and the other to the opposite wing. The pilot fires up the plane and they start the takeoff run.
The aircraft hops and skips on the water, lifts off and stays in ground effect until the last possible moment. The pilot pulls up, clearing the trees at the end of the lake by inches. The aircraft climbs out slowly but then shudders, stalls and rolls off into the trees.
Miraculously, both airline executives survive the crash. They pull themselves from the wreckage, brush themselves off and start looking around. One say, “Well, where do you think we are?”
The other says, “It looks like we’re about a half-mile from where we crashed last year.”

 

Two guys are hanging out at the bar making stupid bar bets and trading beers back and forth. The first guy says to his friend "I bet you a beer that I can tell you the occupation of anyone in this bar. Just point someone out, and I'll tell you what they do for a living"... The second guy says "No way. You're on"...

He then points to a sad looking guy about halfway down the bar and says "Him. What's he do?" First guy says "That's easy, he sells shoes". So the guy walks down the bar and says "Hey buddy, help me settle a bet... What do you do for a living?" The sad looking guy says "I've been a shoe salesman for 25 years..."

So, beers are purchased and our somewhat poorer friend says to his buddy "Ok, you just got lucky... There's no way you could do that again!" His buddy says "You're on, pick someone". Guy looks around and notices someone down next to the wall fast asleep on the bar... He says "Ok, the guy asleep in his beer over there, what's he do?"

First guy says "That's another easy one. He's an airline pilot!" So they head down to the end of the bar, poke the guy and say "Hey, buddy, what do you do for a living??" Nothing... He's still fast asleep... So they shake him a little and ask more loudly "HEY!?? Whaddya do for a living"???... The sleeping guy awakes with a start and says "Ahhh?! was that for us??!?!"

 

My wife has this bumper sticker.
"Somtimes I wake up Grumpy, sometimes I let him sleep."

 

My wife's favorite.

How does a lady know that her date with a pilot, is halfway over

He looks at her and says "enough about airplanes, lets talk about me"

 

Q. How many blonde jokes are there?
A. Only one. All of the others are true stories!

Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly
swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on
Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.

As a group they decided that one of the party should let go.
If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone
would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.

Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she
would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The blondes applauded.