With boarding in progress, a old lady sitting close to the boarding door asked the F/A if she could roll down the window when the F/A closes the boarding door.

After a hard landing(don't want to admit it was mine), we left the door closed and let the passengers deplane. We opened the door to the F/A(in a dress) saying "I was going to open the door with my panties on the floor caused by that hard landing". So now I land hard hoping that I'm knocking panties off.

I had a guy use "No, but I can show you a permission slip from my mother."

I'm just amazed by the number of people who asked me for directions in the airport. They really do check their brains with their water and other liquids in the security line.

Pax sticks her head in the cockpit and says to me "How long ya been flyining?"

Me: " Since five o'clock this morning"

Co-pilot leans over and says " Uh......boss......I think she means how many years?"


Years ago (way pre-911) we used to invite kids up to the cockpit during cruise (yes, it's true) and this one little girl, that didn't seem to be at all impressed, points to the yoke and says, "What does that do?"

"That's what we use to steer the plane", I said.

Since niether of us were touching it, she asks, 'Well who is steering it now?"

"The autopilot" I said.

She fold her arms in front of he and says with an indignant smirk, "Well, what do you do?"

We were both speechless........

Flying a 145 out of IAD to GSP a few years ago. We land and as folks are deplaning a guy comes up front with a disgusted look.

Him: I just want you to know that I'm going to turn you in to the FAA

My Capt: Um....ok...and just why is that

Him: I'm a private pilot so I know the rules. You guys were going way faster than 250kts.

My Capt: Why yes...we were going much faster than 250 kts...we were going about 270 kts until we got higher and then we were doing about .76 Mach...what about it (obviously getting frustrated by this jack @$$)

Him: Well, I'm glad you confess to it... I've got an altimiter on my watch and you guys never got above 7,000 feet...below 10,000 the speed limit is 250, I'm going to have to turn you in.

My Capt: (laughing his rear off while I tried to figure out why he thought we were at 7,000 feet the whole time < when we were actually in the upper 20s> ). Oh...please do turn us in...we've been BAAAAAAAAD Boys!

After a minute or two it clicked in my head what had happened, meanwhile my Capt. was laughing uncontrolably at this moron.

Waiting in the airport badging office to get my SIDA badge:

Teenager: "How old do you guys have to be?"
Me: "18 to be a first officer, 23 to be a captain."
Teenager: "Do you have to go to a special school?"
Me: "Yes, you have to get all the required licenses."
Teenager: "How much does it cost?"
Me: "Well, all in all, I spent about $60k."
Teenager: "Whoa. That's a lot. How long does it take?"
Me: "Took me about two years, then I worked for a while as an instructor to build experience."

Teenager: "Wow, just to drive limos!?!?!"

*facepalm*

Funniest thing ever said to me while in uniform?
Old couple checking out of hotel; "Thank you."
Me (with a smile); "You're welcome. Have a nice day."

I was waiting for a van when this couple came outside and asked me to help them load their bags into their car. I happily obliged and they insisted on tipping me. I left $1 richer. I just hope I didn't undercut the bellhop's union!

While waiting on a plane to come from the hangar to D concourse in ATL, a guy in overalls and no under shirt sees it coming in under tow, hops up and runs to me and asks, "that thing run out of gas...that why we're late?" I replied, "its a hybrid"

I've been mistaken for everything from bellman, limo driver, janitor but the best of all was mall security...

I had a drunk try to join the Navy, one night.

I was sitting in the gate area as a DHC-7 taxied up and I overheard a father tell his very young son, "That there is one of them converted WWII bombers that the airlines use to save money."