DEN based guy?

Well that's why he's the Captain, and you're what??? Oh yeah the F/O. But hey if and when you make the left seat, that is if there are still pilots in the cockpit, I'm sure there'll be an F/O to find issues to nit pick about you and post comments on APC.:)

I have to wonder just how potent your doo is, if you have to LOCK the bathroom door to contain the odour to the confines of the water closet! {grin}

I'm with the other posters - I suspect you haven't done enough oceanic crossings in the middle of the night to really appreciate the benefit of lighting in overcoming your body's circadian rhythms.

That's the beauty of CPDLC. Set the od alarm clock to 10 minutes before the next FIR or switch over point, dim the lights and enjoy the dull humm of the motors.

Can I nominate the PFs (FOs in my case, often with less than a year of experience burning jet A) who get butt hurt when I offer a helpful tip based on my thousands of hours in the jet?

Example:
(FO spends 20 seconds heads down and about 10 extra button clicks in the FMS fumbling to draw an intercept to a fix on an ILS)

Me: You know, you can just put the IAF behind the aircraft and it will auto-sequence and draw the line for you.

FO: *blink* Yeah but...I like doing it that way.

Me: *shrug*

Or when I point out a deviation from a clearance.
(ATC assigns 210 knots while level on downwind into a major airport with aircraft ahead and behind us and we have been doing 230+ for almost a minute)

Me: Hey man, don't forget he wants us at 210.

FO: I know. I just don't like jockeying the throttles all over the place.

Me: Well I don't know that you've come anywhere close to 210 since we got the clearance so you are going to need to touch the thrust at some point.

FO: *Huffs and makes big show of yanking the thrust to idle*

Or maybe this is just how it feels to become an old fart?

Tool of the day
 

Haha! Touché!

And that's why I don't argue I just let them fly it..why act like a baby and get into arguments in the air?

I once had an fo like that and it all makes for good practice in just letting things go, stress free baby!

Love this thread


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I hear you on the getting stonewalled when offering a shortcut to the noob. More than one way to skin a cat, some easier than others. But I don't know that I'd call deviating from a clearance with the potential to cause a separation issue or worse, a wake turbulence upset, "stress free":rolleyes:

But hey, why insist the aircraft at least be flown within ATP tolerances when you can just "let it go"?

Don't feel alone. Its all part and parcel to the "entitlement" generation. They only take pride in being Level 259 in some video game. They could care less about the professional pride that comes with flying a jet within prescribed parameters.

Its enough to make any old fart grumpy.

Jeez, sounds like someone overmixed your guys' Metamucil. :)

...and await your next GNE! :D

Tool of the day
 

Wow did that ever snowball!

Anyways, I'm just glad I'm not like any of all that you're tossing out; so thanks for the informative posts to those who fly lots of nights.

Take care and best of luck with all you do; especially baby'ing those noobs! Don't let 'em getcha!

[emoji106][emoji111]️[emoji6]


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Today's dork. A ups jumpseater wearing a 757 shirt with a 747-800 hat that felt he had to write under "position" on the jumpseat form "747-400" Capt. You are a tool.

Ha! Awesome.

Agreed!!! He drives an 18 wheeler... no more...no less!! Sounds like he truly needs to get a life outside of this job!!

Stay warm,

OC

Don't be the guy who decidedness to drag wife on a layover. Makes myself and the driver wait 25 minutes while she clears customs and immigration. Then expects me to sit in the front seat of the small cab for an hour plus drive, the one time they don't bring the Lexus or BMW 7 series sedan.

OK if you at could have at least asked "Do you mind?". Tool of the day.

My nomination:

Trying to commute to work on a mainline flight that was beyond oversold, I politely requested the actual jumpseat from the Captain. With my documents and my ID at the ready, I asked, "Excuse me, Captain, sir, I'd like to request a ride in the jumpseat with your permission."

Captain takes a long look at me. "Who are you with?"

Me: "Skywest, Captain."

Captain gives me a look like I'd just relieved myself in his cornflakes. "You people are taking our flying, you know."

Me: "Well, sir, I'm just trying to get to work and I was just hoping you could help me out."

Captain (aggrieved sigh): "Do you HAVE to sit up here with us?"

Me: "Well sir, the flight is 10 oversold, but I'm happy to sit in back if a seat happens to open up."

Captain (louder aggrieved sigh): "Fine. If you MUST ride, then you must."

What made it hard to keep a straight face was that during this entire conversation, both the F/O and the lead F/A were standing behind the CA making silly faces and trying to imitate Mr. Grumpypants's facial expressions.

Same Captain then spent the rest of the flight complaining about the temerity of regional pilots who shouldn't be allowed to fly anything bigger than a Metroliner.

When he got up to use the lav, the instant the door closed, the F/O turns to me and goes "Can you believe that guy? I've been having to put up with this ---- for the past 4 days. I'm about ready to lock him out of the --- cockpit. Let me buy you a coffee when we land, to apologize." He was very kind. But I insisted on buying HIM the coffee :)

I got to work on time, though.

Ironically, it was mainline pilots who voted to give up scope...not RJ pilots somehow "stealing" mainline flying.

One of my FA's told me tonight that she sleeps with the iron plugged in and laying on her bed because the heat repels bed bugs…I was speechless, all I could think was she has very limited days on this planet left. I don't know what the odds of an iron catching a mattress on fire, but I do know that when caught on fire, one will burn rather quickly!!! Her odds can't be to damn good!!!

Dude,

You owe me dry cleaning. Coffee thru the nose!

I bet you I can guess the airline...

Well when you get that fourth stripe you can opine and make your views law of your jet. Guess who'll make TOTD then

My money is on Scr-United!:rolleyes:

Ha, I like when they take the jumpseat in the back, and refuse to even say hi, or thanks to us up front.

Tool of the day belongs to a captain who just got on the PA and told the pax,"Ok folks we have an APU Bleed MEL and that is why is warm back there. We will start an engine here at the gate then we will crossbleed shortly thereafter. 4 hours 4 minutes, welcome aboard."

How is that tooley other than a little long winded?

Because what Joe Schmo passenger knows what an APU bleed MEL is, much less what a cross bleed start means? Gotta keep those PA's simple usually.


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I would guess he was referring to the use of technical jargon or lack of "useful/meaningful" information to the average flyer.

-2263

Yeah, if he's going to talk about the MEL in a PA, he should have included the MEL number, category, and expiration date. And why didn't he read the cross bleed start procedures over the PA as well?

Reminds me of a trip I had a couple weeks ago, the F/A's were having trouble getting the cabin lights to dim for the long night flight. A passenger complained to one of the F/A's, "I'm a retired FAA Maintenance Inspector! Tell the Captain he needs to come back here and FIX THESE LIGHTS!"

Um...Yeah...I'll be right there, just let me finish my ATP Home Study Course first, then I'll start pulling all these circuit breakers, and then....:rolleyes:

Not all the tools are in the front of the jet.

Me. On the PA. I think I was trying to tell the passengers it would be a little bumpy, or maybe it was a little choppy? It came out "a little chumpy". So I laughed. Still on the PA.

Confidence was high...

You should have followed that up with,

"Aw CRAP, look at the SIZE of that thing! We're SCREWED!" :eek::eek:

On the other hand, what if you're going to an airport where there are a lot of Boeing employees, people who know the airplane and/or the systems?

Its better not to use technical jargon, especially if you use the wrong jargon. I once heard a Captain describe a problem on the PA then, during the subsequent approach, do something completely erroneous for the problem he described.

In the end, it turned out he had a different problem but used the wrong technical term to describe it. His actions were exactly correct for the problem he actually had. That taught me to say something along the lines of:

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have encountered a mechanical issue and are dealing with it using our standard operating procedures. Thank you for your patience."

That's really all you need to say.

The Captain in question might have said:

"Due to an inoperative APU, we are unable to use the air-conditioning system at this time. Once we start an engine, we will be able to cool the cabin. Thank you for your patience."

Technical jargon sometimes tends to frighten nervous fliers because they don't know what you're talking about and can't appreciate how minor the problem at hand may or may not be. They always default to "ITS SERIOUS."

The KISS principle always seems to work best.

I guess I don't fully understand this. Last time I tried the KISS method, the flight attendant really didn't appreciate it.

Try a male one next time :D

If you tried to kiss a flight attendant, then you definitely didn't "Keep It Simple Stupid."

Words that should never be used during PAs:

• Bleed
• Crossbleed
• Stall
• Stewardess
• Failure
• Maybe
• Rape
• Hi Jack
• Cervical Warts

Women's volleyball gets me "a little chumpy".

A pilot KISS? Ewwwwww.




:)

We have a winner!!

Also:

--Fog

--F*#~

--Fire

or

--FREE

:D