Here is the newest tool factor. If you are old and wrinkly with a hair dye procedure that doesn't match............you are a tool. Look and act your age. We had a knickname for one .......Disco Bob! His hair didn't even look like a natural color.

The Oscar

Local strip mall. It wasn't even a tight spot. Just crunch, and keeps pulling in.

Hops out, hollering at herself, looks at the damage, and wanders off.

In retrospect, maybe she was looking for a piece of paper, so she could write her insurance and contact info, and leave it for the other driver,

Yea, that's the ticket....

Maybe I'm getting older, but it sure seems like there are more d-bags in the world today.

3 warning signs you are getting older (shamelessly cribbed from someone else):

1) You wake up hurting because "you slept wrong"
2) You use any compound that could be refered to as an "ointment"
3) The d-bag at the audio store says the reason your CD player sounds broken is because you listen to crappy music.


Nu

Long live gray hair! :)

I've often felt the same! Thanks for bringing that up. It's like the old saying, "Any one who wants the job, isn't qualified to have it!"

Don't park so close to the Bus Stop! :D

Combovers w t f, get a haircut.

We have a few pilots that will do an English and then a LOD PA. (Language of Destination) Have had them done in Italian, German, Russian, Spanish and Swedish.

Guess if the flight was not to/from italy, the CA was a tool.

If the flight was to/from Italy, then I think coflyer accidentally tried to open a can of Tool on someone else, and spilled it on himself.

That's understandable. But when you're flying an RJ in and out of Denver, and primarily to the plains states, I'd bet that no one on board would understand one word of Italian. Maybe "ciao" when he'd sign off. And now after the JB meltdown they'd all probably grab their bags and get off.

Yeah, but Disco Bob was a blast to fly with. One of the wildest overnights I ever had at SWA was at the Lighthouse with Disco Bob and Turkey Taylor and about 20 or so F/As (myself being the only hairy leg one there).

Quite true. I just assumed someone was doing that on an International flight, not a RJ flight. Ugh.

The captain at EAL I used to get stuck with--hand flew the entire leg even while eating the crew meal. Yes, we get 'em in prehistory.

GF

I flew with someone like that in my previous life.

And also to the guy/girl who walked by my car in the DTW employee lot. Your fat a$% swiped my side-view mirror, broke it off and left it hanging by the power cable. Thanks, I only used it ALL of the time while driving to and from the airport.

WL

Flew with a guy a few weeks ago that insisted on hand-flying up to the hand-off to the second ATL center frequency every leg, which just happens to be the perfect way to maximize the workload on the FO.

Not that the job is that hard..., but it was kind of a pain, relatively speaking.

I didn't say that Disco wasn't a nice guy, I said his hair color was unnatural and didn't match his age. I brought this up because I saw another over 60 guy this morning and his hair color was..........well........not natural. Gray hair is dignified and goes with the wrinkles.:rolleyes:

The Oscar

Any 3 year RJ FO that thinks any 6 plus year RJ Captain or 747 Captain over age 60 is "hogging their seat" and "there must be something wrong with those guys."

Does tool self disclosure work the same way as it does with the FAA? Do we get immunity for TSRS / ASAP?

The captain that wears a headlamp at night.

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Hate to turn this into a scope debate, but I wasn't planning on being gray and a First Officer.

Gray hair is dignified and looks more appropriate on a Captain.

Previous airline:

The Mensa society guy who does the entire interior preflight... his way. Whether you did it or not he does it again his way. While I was on the walk around I was startled by the spoilers raising, never seen that before? Then I come back into the cockpit and he informs me he called maintenance because the HYD SOV wouldn't close when he pulled the fire handle.

You pulled the what!?

The fire handles. When you pull the fire handles you should get a HYD SOV CLSD EICAS message and it didn't come up. He was right, it actually had failed. But man I was perplexed, why did you pull the handle?!

Maintenance gets on board, he explains it to them. They're confused, you pulled the what? So he explains it to them and explains how the airplane works. Lead balloon CRM there.

So they go outside and call their supervisor but then one of them runs over to the next plane and asks "you guys pull fire handles in your preflight checks?!?" No. No we don't. The supervisor comes on board, hangs out while his guys are pulling panels off and in a professional way he starts with some probing questions. As he can tell the Captain is ultra sensitive about Captains authority. He asks how he figured out the HYD SOV was closed. He repeats his flow and pulls the handle. At that moment the other mechanics were elbow deep into the hydraulic junk and a lever moved and about injured the mechanic or worse. Mechanic goes ballistic and an airplane full of 50 passengers got to hear what the mechanic was thinking thanks to the supervisors walkie-talkie. He was actually yelling at the supervisor though. The supervisor just calmly radios back "it wasn't me, it was the Captain..." To which 50 passengers got to hear that their Captain wasn't fit to fly via many many colorful metaphors.

That was the start of the trip.

Between being unable to get him through customs without an interrogation to his hand flying at altitude with the FD's off, I have to say, I was worn out.

Previous corporate:

New Captain hires his wife as the cabin attendant, when they go to an overnight they dump the FO (who is really the only person in charge and knows what's going on) and they take the rental car for the entire time they're there.

Same guy, boss says he wants to leave at 2. He and his wife show up at... 2. Boss showed up earlier.

Same guy, charter company will provide crew meals if asked. Decent corporate crew meal stuff, but really a nice sandwich box. He orders filet Mignon, ****ed when they don't deliver it.

Different guy, teaching spoon fed ground school at corporate charter operation. Asks airline pilot turned corporate pilot, when do you not have to have a destination alternate? Pilot answers, well, 1-2-3 rule and gets interrupted. "Welcome to the big boys kid, we don't use the 1-2-3 rule," says salty know it all.

They didn't there, tis true, but Delta uses the 1-2-3 rule for IFR/NO ALTN required on domestic flight ops and I would consider it to be a "big boy." :D

I am truly honored by the participation in the thread I started. Have wanted to do this for years, but thought some of our thinner skinned brethren would be offended. Because regardless of political, religious, or our many other differences we are a lot alike and can find common ground in some areas. It's the 10% that make the tool catagory, whether its being a ******* or just wierd. If it were not for them what/who would we talk about enroute, over beers, or here. So, tonights tools are to the two pilots in uniform at the Bloomington, Mn TGIFs having dinner in the bar. Oh, did I forget both wearing long sleeve shirts and the capts hair slicked back like one of the characters in Grease.

Positive they're airline? Do they have the epaulets on?

In uniform having dinner in the bar?

Smart...not

Oh yeah. And IDs to boot. Must be some kind of freight dogs, as the waiter says they've been here all week. It's a good look and the chicks dig it.


QUOTE=forgot to bid;1172317]Positive they're airline? Do they have the epaulets on?[/QUOTE]

Capt Ugly, was by far the ugliest female on earth. But as a new and happy FO on the Brazilla for a now defunct WestAir I was happy to be moving up. Third turn of the day SBA-LAX. She got hungry. Decided it was time for lunch on a 20 minute turn. She comes flying up the stairs right before door closure on a 90 degree summer day with a steaming container of brussell sprouts and baked salmon! TOOL!!!:eek:

Dude. Even your serious stories are hilarious! :D

[/QUOTE]

So, are you saying the pilot uniform look gets play in TGIF? What kind of chick does it attract?

From what I've seen in TGIF, it's best to go in shorts and a t-shirt. :D

Depends on the TGIF. Some, I'm positive that Narita whale capt sheik would work. You know the look. Members Only jacket with running shoes or if feeling really sexy some top siders.

QUOTE=newKnow;117232/QUOTE]

So, are you saying the pilot uniform look gets play in TGIF? What kind of chick does it attract?

From what I've seen in TGIF, it's best to go in shorts and a t-shirt. :D[/QUOTE]

Touching anything while MX is elbows deep in the plane's guts... incredibly stupid.

Just the kind of common sense you'd expect from the mensa guy.

Tool = The guy that insists you fold the release (loadslip, manifest, whatever) just right so it fits tightly between the thrust levers and backup AI. I call him Captain Origami.

Oh my god....a pilot who actually FLEW the aircraft!!!! Kinda sad when people think that is a problem...Too many butting pushing "Tools" in my opinion.

Did he raise the gear handle to make sure the squat switches were still working?

I'll nominate myself for one. Flying with a fellow demented, Planet AD captain, I grabbed the PA just as the ramp guy was helping the FA close the door (Dash 8), and said in my best automated subway voice "PLEASE STAND BACK. DOORS ARE CLOSING". She let go of the door about the time the rampie did nearly taking him out. He managed to catch it before it hit the stops. God only knows how much damage there would have been.

As luck would have it, shortly thereafter I had a main cabin door that wouldn't open at the destination airport. Pax and crew were all liberated from the aircraft via the forward emergency exit.

Got to agree here.... I nearly always hand fly up through 18.

It's still cool to be a good pilot. It tends to come and handy now and then.

The tool who struts around the Eagle crew room with his College lanyard and some obscure marching band ringtone. He makes sure his ringer is full volume and doesn't answer his Bluetooth until the entire song has finished. He also wears mirrored aviators on his head.

UGH, thanks for dredging up that memory.

Anytime the CA and FA are married or dating, you know you are in for a bad, bad trip.

You can bet your sweet bippy that all the crap work that would normally be the FA's job will somehow be delegated to you, despite the fact that it's no where near your job description. Nothing is worse than hearing the CA say "hey, why don't you...."

You will bear the brunt of everything crappy that happens as Captain America tries to impress his sweetie that "he's the boss".

Yuk.

Nu

AHAAHHAHAHAH that guy is such an a$$ bag!!!!!

Anyone flown with the last EGL MIA MQ chief pilot and his super steady, gf, who also made employee of the month last winter oh so coincidentally. I see they bid lines together, wonder what they are like to fly with.