The tool of the day is the selfish, egotistical asshat who parked his Corvette convertible in a handicapped spot outside the supermarket. The best thing I could wish for him is to someday REALLY need that spot and someone does the same to him.

The two tools who greeted each other by saying "War Eagle" today in the crew lounge.

I was gold medallion on DAL before the NJA furlough and got that treatment from the captain of a 737 on the way home once. He was seriously po'ed that I was in first. The FA asked if she could put my jacket in the closet and the guy, looking at me, told her to hand it to him so he could wad it up behind his seat. Said it would look great when we landed. After the flight he was standing in the jetway and offered a few more words of wisdom about fractional guys riding in first. There were a few other epithets said to me, in front of the "paying" pax nonetheless....

I resemble that remark.:D

Okay new tool alert. UAL (fCAL) FA's who gave the van driver grief when he only said "United" (not CAL) while dropping them off. Please tell me there aren't any pilots doing that.

We're DHing and at the last minute, my FO gets upgraded to the last open seat in !st. I'm in the row behind as he comes up from the back. He asks the male pax at the window if he would like him(my FO) to hang up his coat that the pax has laying over the aisle seat. Pax grabs coat and says loudly to FA in aisle, "I specifically asked that this seat remain open".
FO just smiles and sits down. Pax ignores everyone for rest of flight.

If he wants the seat next to him open he needs to buy two seats

I've heard stories of toolness about a certain captain at a certain regional that was on a certain reality tv show.

The Barbie leg bit is true. Along with gloves and other oddities.

He is still a pilot? I was recently out in Las Vegas and he was on a billboard and is hosting the Chippendales show at The Rio. Major too indeed. Meet him a few years ago and he was a total dork. Much different than how he appears on TV.

F/A makes standard PA about staying seated until aircraft stops at the gate. Tool disregards and starts rooting in overhead bin, knocking out heavy item which bonks Very Large Passenger on head. VLP stands, grabs culprit, and bounces him up and down while shouting "DIDN'T she TELL you to STAY in your SEAT?!!"
F/As unable to intervene, due to rolling on floor laughing. :p

Sounds like he wasn't the only tool in this story.

So how many people do you think have read this and realized some of the stories were about them?

You never fail to disappoint. At least you're consistent.

He's made Empty Nipple doesn't have a mascot. Or women other than Large Marge on campus.:p

And of those, how many think it's cool we are talking about them?

Have you seen some of the dirty perverts in this industry? Can you be sure your FO didn't go to boys town on your GUA layover last night?

Eight wipes seems low.

What does that mean?

Can I at least get a gif with that? :D

Just for you. And Auburn has Tigers. Not War Eagles.

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-conte...11/05/face.gif

Many moons ago an EGL capt would walk around with Hersey Kisses and ask every female FA or Gate agent if he could give them a 'kiss'. The candy wouldn't be visible, he'd have it in a cup in one hand covered by his hat. They would giggle and accept; but when his back was turned they all thought he was a creep. Also use to collect a single strand of hair from those he could and would loop them around his tie tac. It got so big, it really started creeping people out and the company made him stop!

Well, I strongly advised him against that course of action, but when the Captain spins the heading bug to his desired course there is not much you can do except tell him he has the controls, just so it will be on the voice recorder.
He got to explain his mistake at length, I got to enjoy Brasil.:D

CRM only goes so far with those who are special.

/\/\/\ Tool...

Flew with guy who would answer the "Ding" from the Flt Attendants with this:
"Greetings, this is Delta Airlines Flight XXX. Please listen closely as our menu items have changed: For customer service, push one. For the Captain, push two..."

---at this point, most would reply "ha ha, ok, Two, now we have a passenger back here who is threatening--" and then they'd just get over-ridden as the Capt CONTINUED his message for another minute, making them wait,
" For current weather push 3, for food service push 4. If you'd like to register a complaint, push 0 and you will be re-directed to Southwest Airlines. For ..."

I'm not kidding, he would go on for another 5 options or so... almost every single time we were chimed. By the end of the flight, every crew member had already heard it at least once. What worried me was he actually had no idea whether he was being chimed for a bomb threat or to check if we needed a **** break, but he'd just go into his long spiel.
Other than that he was a good guy though.

Cargo Tool
 

Great thread. Not all Tools fly pax, this story is recounted from the (than) CP a couple years ago.
CP is in Europe after (doesn't really matter.., CP stuff) in the first class lounge of one on the "real" airlines, waiting for his ride home. He's in his civies, (presumably dressed correctly per company travel and class of service). See's guy in bluejeans and tennis shoes on same flight. "Knows" he's one of our own (how, because the "tool" has his company ID hanging around his neck! ;))
Now this CP opinion about uniforms and other "professional" issues was well known to the crew force. He approaches said individual and confronts him about proper dress code while on company business. The Tool than turns to the CP (which not having his ID around his neck, the Tool doesn't realize who's lecturing him, saids, "Who are you, the uniform police?", for which our CP said, "As a matter of fact, I am".
Can't make this stuff up, priceless. :D

Open mouth, insert foot. A Tool twice over!

Nantucket or Martha's Vineyard?

^^^^^ tool

The obese Delta pilot who, after puffing through his morning workout at the hotel in Narita (in a country obsessive about hygiene), goes straight into the restaurant without going upstairs to have a shower first. Sorry, but laying a gym towel on the seat first to absorb the dripping sweat was not good enough to restore my appetite!

Well played!

I once flew a certain fledgling pilot to MVY, and he looked annoyed when I chatted (very) briefly with his girlfriend, or whatever, about stowing a cat she had in a carrier. I went back to the front, and the captain told me the guy's name, and why he was so important, and I shrugged, because I thought we were the most important people on the flight.

Some time later, he decided he should fly his wife to the Vineyard, and declined another professional's assistance for what turned out to be his last flight.

Didn't need The Help.

Duuude, dont leave ushangin. Who was it?

I'm thinking it was a certain dude with the last name Kennedy. ;)

Always easy to pi$$ on another guys mistakes Mr Monday morning QB... You sir are said tool.....

I guess writing history is then being a tool.

GF

Penguins and Kennedys, chicks like them but neither one can fly.:D

Not always.;)

I know I probably shouldn't have laughed at that.............but I did :D

Dudes with aviation bumper stickers such as "Jet fuel only" "My other car is a jet" "Remove before flight". Lame

No doubt! And license plates like "IMAPILOT" or "FLYDUDE." Please.....

Not a hard, fast rule, but in my experience any captain who includes in his initial briefing that,
"I'm a real laid back kind of guy"
Has typically been anything but that.

If you truly are that laid back, then you probably wouldn't have to advertise it.

tis true.

a laid back captain wouldn't have been there yet. :D

a really laid back captain starts the brief with "okay, what is it they want me to say?"

and a really laid back Captain briefs an approach with 600 RVR as "visual. backed up by the CAT III. Any questions?"

Pilots who yell at rampers, who have done nothing wrong but work the wrong gate, like they're buck privates who don't know how to salute and need to hear about it.