Emb170man

The RLA.


Biggest joke out there

bcpilot

HEATED Gold is called an Ornament.
BEATED Copper is called a Wire.
COMPRESSED Carbon is called a ... Diamond.

HEATED, BEATED & COMPRESSED Person is called..........
.................a HUSBAND.

Yazzoo

These are good guys, keep 'em coming.

A gorgeous young blonde goes to the pet store. She's walking down the aisle when she sees a huge tank filled with frogs. The sign says "Sex Frogs." She blushes, looks left and right to make sure nobody's looking, takes one out of the tank and brings it up to the front desk.

"I'd like to buy this frog" she says to the store clerk. "Oh yes," he says while packing it up, "Those are very popular, just take it home, follow the instructions and enjoy! If you have any problems, give me a call at the store number."

She gets home, goes to her bedroom and reads the instructions:

1. Take a warm shower
2. Put on your sexiest makeup and perfume
3. Wear the hottest lingerie you own
4. Position yourself on the bed with your legs spread apart and the frog in the middle

She follows all the steps, but the frog just sits there.

Furious, she calls the pet store and asks the clerk what's wrong. He says to stay calm, give him the address and he'll be over in 5 minutes.

She hears a knock on the door and goes downstairs, still in her lingerie, to find the clerk waiting at her doorstep. She brings him up to her bedroom, points at the frog, and exclaims, almost sobbing, "I did all of the instructions and he just sits there and doesn't do anything!"

The clerk picks up the frog and holds him at eye-level: "Now how many more times am I gonna have to show you how to do this?"

UnderOveur

Three cowboys were around a campfire one night, out on the lone prairie,
each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales
began.

The first says, "Ah must be the meanest, toughest hombre there is.
Why, just t'other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six
grown men before ah wrestled it t'the ground, by the horns, with mah bare hands."

The second couldn't stand to be bested. "Why that ain't nut'in'. Ah wuz walkin' down
the trail yesterday an' a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a
move fer me. Ah grabbed that snake with mah bare hands, bit its damn head off,
and then sucked the poison down in one gulp!"

The third cowboy remained silent, staring into the fire,
slowly stirring the coals with his ****.

bcpilot

A man was sipping his whisky, while sitting on the balcony with his wife and he says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you."

The wife asks, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?"

He replies, "It's me..... talking to the whisky...

bcpilot

This thread has been quite for a a few days now.

Ok so, once a wife asks her husband, "Have you slept with other women??"

Husband "NO honey, I have only slept with you.......
...with others, I never slept for a minute....!!!"

GVCPT

So Barney Fife is staking out the local bar, when around 01:00 he notices a patron weaving out the door. When the bar customer reaches his car he stumbles, drops his keys, mumbles a swear word, but picks up the keys and drives away weaving in his lane. Officer Fife chases after the drunk in his patrol cruiser and stops him after about a mile. When Barney asked the man behind the wheel if he had been drinking, the drunk replied "no I have not, I'm the DD" slurring his speech the whole time. Well Barney would not have any of that, so he hauled the man off to the station for a breath test. Upon administering the breath test, Barney discovered the man was completely sober, no liquor in his system whatsoever. Puzzled, Barney asked the man why he acted so drunk? The man stated "well I told you I was DD, you know the Designated Decoy. While we are at the station, all of my really drunk friends got in their cars and went home".

bcpilot

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

bcpilot

Once a Girl Went to An Electronics Shop With Anger & Threw Her New Laptop On The Desk At A Person From Whom she Bought.

She Told The Salesman That You Have Cheated Me, I Cannot Transfer File From My Previous Laptop..!!

Salesman : Madam, Can You Please Try In Front Of Me..??

This Is What She Did :

1) Right Clicked The Mouse On The File Which She Wanted To Transfer & Selected CUT Option.

2) Disconnected The Mouse From That PC.

3) Took That Mouse Carefully & Connected It To The Other PC Where She Wanted To Copy That File. .

4) Right Clicked The Mouse & Selected The PASTE Option.

Salesman Fainted..!!!!

MilitaryAV8R

Funny Stuff in here.