SR-71 to center "Request FL 600". Center to SR-71 "How long will it take you to climb to FL 600?". SR-71 to center " We would like to DESCEND to FL 600".

Corp. Jet N????, Teterboro Clearance, Cleared to Van Nuys via Teterboro five Parke J6 bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla lba bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Corp Jet: Sir, I don' t understand we filed direct, obviously that is not direct. We can go higher, if we go higher, can we get direct?

TEB Clearance: Sir, this is New York, you can't go direct to anywhere.

Corp Jet: Oh, OK.

TEB Clearance: You need your clearance again, don't you?

Corp Jet: Um, ah, yeah.

*Van Nuys used to represent a far away place, I can't remember where it actually was.

Back in the early 90"s. Coming into JFK you hear the tower call Command 123this was a shorts 330.
JFK: Command 123
CMD; Go ahead tower
JFK: I dont know how to tell you this. but I need you to slow up, or you are going to catch upto the Concord.

This happened to me about 6 months ago while we were being vectored for approach to runway 22 at AMA:

Amarillo Appch: Lakes Air 790 slow to 250kts. (The 1900 Vmo is 248kts)

My CA: Uh Lakes Air 790 indicating 220kts.

AMA Appch: Lakes Air 790 I show you doing 300kts, slow to 190... (big sigh) disregard, Lakes air 790 you're 60kts faster than the F-16 3 miles ahead, turn left heading 130 vectors for runway 31.

My CA: (laughing) roger 130 and kill the afterburners!

"Frontier 421 cleared for the visual" . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Frontier 421, the airport is rapidly passing off your right" . . ."Frontier continue present heading for resequencing"

A friend who instructs told me of a student he once had. The student was on his second or third flight ever and the instructor told him to contact ground for clearance. He told the student, "Tell ground who you are, where you are, and what you want to do, and the atis information." The student pauses for a second to rehearse in his head and then keys the mic and says "ground control... this is Jake... I'm in prescott arizona and want to get my private pilots license... with the atis information." ATC comes on freq laughing and says "Jake who is your instructor?" Without hesitation the student keys the mic and in the background you can hear my friend yelling at his student to let go of the mic key.

True story, and if you didn't catch it, Prescott Arizona is home to the world's finest flight school, Embry-Riddle.

A friend of mine was flying into an airport one night in the 1980s, and there was traffic in the pattern. He asked them what their position was--to which came the reply---

We're out here under the moon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A former Shorts pilot told me about flying a white painted Shorts "Skypig" with brown trim. His rock bottom day as a pilot was when ATC told traffic behind him to "follow the white Shorts with the brown streak."

"Ground, Cessna 34M, we had a golf ball land just feet in front of us!!"

"Cessna 34M, is it a Titleist??"

"Uuh, um, I'm not sure"

...silence for a few seconds...

"Cessna 59V, use caution for a golf ball just ahead on delta, possibly a Titleist"

"Roger, 59V, we will play it through"

Just heard this one last week.

"Ft Worth Center, can you clear to somewhere?"

"Do you have the thee letter identifier for that?"