Advice for Female Pilots, What About Marriage
04-28-2014, 01:19 AM
#61
Airborne bus driver
Joined APC: Apr 2014
Position: my seat smells funny
Posts: 221
Hello form a fellow female flyer,
I am a gal pilot, married 7 years now to another pilot. We started out best friends, and remain so today.
This is just my .02, but here ya go. The answers you seek (I sound like Yoda) lie somewhere in the middle. At least that is what I have found. Focus totally on your career and you may rocket to the top of your profession to find yourself strangely unfulfilled. For some reason I see this far more often in my fellow female pilots than the guys. Perhaps the guys are better at masking it, perhaps it's our hormones I don't know. But my one cautionary tale I have see too many times to discount is this: The Aviatrix who sacrifices everything to get to the top. When she's a CFI she says "I'll be happy when I get to a Regional" when there it's "I'll be happy when I make Captain." when there it's "I'll be happy when I get to a Major." when there it's "I'll be happy when I can hold a line." Suddenly they look around. They are in their 40's alone with no kids, and the happiness they have been chasing for so long, is not waiting for them in that Cockpit.
Now I don't have kids and won't be having any (Hubsters got the sniperino recently); but I have never wanted kids (nor did Hubby). I was fortunate enough, at the beginning of my career, to be introduced to the US's first female Airline Pilot. Emily Warner. She taught me the 2 most important things any female pilot has ever taught me.
1. You are not a man and never will be, so don't try too hard to be "one of the boys" because it's not ever going to happen (and that's just fine, guys talk about things together they would NEVER talk about with you in the Cockpit)....but don't bring too much Femininity into the cockpit because it does not belong there; by this she meant Emotions, Sexuality (don't be a tease), whining, crying.
2. Enjoy the ride! Keep your aviation goals in your sights, but don't make them the source of your future happiness.
I was your typical Pilot Gypsy from 22 to my early 30's. Then I met my now Husband. We both made a few sacrifices here and there. Perhaps we could have "risen through the ranks" faster. But my God have we had fun. Both he and I had wonderful lives when we were single; we continue to have fantastic lives together. Enjoy life, take it as it comes, listen to your fellow fliers life stories, learn from them. Then go out there and get what your want. It may change, it may become illusive from time to time. But I can assure you; this industry is one hell of a ride, and I'd do it all again.....no hesitations.
RadialGal
I am a gal pilot, married 7 years now to another pilot. We started out best friends, and remain so today.
This is just my .02, but here ya go. The answers you seek (I sound like Yoda) lie somewhere in the middle. At least that is what I have found. Focus totally on your career and you may rocket to the top of your profession to find yourself strangely unfulfilled. For some reason I see this far more often in my fellow female pilots than the guys. Perhaps the guys are better at masking it, perhaps it's our hormones I don't know. But my one cautionary tale I have see too many times to discount is this: The Aviatrix who sacrifices everything to get to the top. When she's a CFI she says "I'll be happy when I get to a Regional" when there it's "I'll be happy when I make Captain." when there it's "I'll be happy when I get to a Major." when there it's "I'll be happy when I can hold a line." Suddenly they look around. They are in their 40's alone with no kids, and the happiness they have been chasing for so long, is not waiting for them in that Cockpit.
Now I don't have kids and won't be having any (Hubsters got the sniperino recently); but I have never wanted kids (nor did Hubby). I was fortunate enough, at the beginning of my career, to be introduced to the US's first female Airline Pilot. Emily Warner. She taught me the 2 most important things any female pilot has ever taught me.
1. You are not a man and never will be, so don't try too hard to be "one of the boys" because it's not ever going to happen (and that's just fine, guys talk about things together they would NEVER talk about with you in the Cockpit)....but don't bring too much Femininity into the cockpit because it does not belong there; by this she meant Emotions, Sexuality (don't be a tease), whining, crying.
2. Enjoy the ride! Keep your aviation goals in your sights, but don't make them the source of your future happiness.
I was your typical Pilot Gypsy from 22 to my early 30's. Then I met my now Husband. We both made a few sacrifices here and there. Perhaps we could have "risen through the ranks" faster. But my God have we had fun. Both he and I had wonderful lives when we were single; we continue to have fantastic lives together. Enjoy life, take it as it comes, listen to your fellow fliers life stories, learn from them. Then go out there and get what your want. It may change, it may become illusive from time to time. But I can assure you; this industry is one hell of a ride, and I'd do it all again.....no hesitations.
RadialGal
04-28-2014, 05:15 AM
#62
Prime Minister/Moderator
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: Engines Turn Or People Swim
Posts: 39,293
Originally Posted by Electra
There are a lot of challenges when you choose a flying career, this is just one more of them, but before any guys on here bother getting smug about women and their place in this industry, let me offer this:
Originally Posted by Electra
I've had plenty of male pilots rag on me about how selfish I am choosing a career over family
I offer plenty of negative feedback about this industry but that's because there are simply many negatives that folks need to be aware of (the positives are usually obvious, and much exaggerated). I've always maintained that this is a great career for childless bohemians (which could have been me in another life).
04-28-2014, 09:23 AM
#63
Airborne bus driver
Joined APC: Apr 2014
Position: my seat smells funny
Posts: 221
Good point Rick,
There are so many crap stories in this industry. If you want to know some female-sh!t-storms I've seen or delt with myself, PM me. I am a childless Bohemian, as is the Hubbsters; we both had no previous marriages or kids and lived Vagabond pilot lives until we met up.
I squatted in people's Hangars (they all let me) with a Camp Stove and a Cot all through Flight Training. I had a blast. Late night drag races with all the Militarty/Airline guy's toys. Hangar parties where I hid car keys from my drunken pilot pals and laid them down to sleep it off under the wings of a Cessna. Warm Summer evenings with a beer, watching the sun set after a full day of teaching stalls and turns around a point.
I have woken in the small hours of the morning to ride my bike to work (couldn't afford a car). Where I'd preflight the old R-2800's. Dragging a Ghostbuster looking backpack full of ADI to each engine. Add Oil, check the grand dame, head to toe, on the walk around. Watch as the pouring rain slid off her wings under the Sodium lights and try to imagine preparing to fly to Templehof back when this old girl flew the Berlin Airlift.
Could I have taken a faster route? Paid for training, as was so common back then? Sure, I could have made sacrifices, taken a job I didn't really want, live in crappy crash pads and fly out of Newark or LaGuardia; do the non rev shuffle of commuting to work. I decided not to. It cost me career wise, probably financially as well. But I have seen things folks my age never will. I've pulled a P-51 around a pylon in my friend's bird in a Reno practice run. I've flown formation acro in T-6's with men who fought and flew in WWII. I have watched the sunrise over Nebraskan cornfields with my thin fingers curled over the one of a kind throttles of a B-17. I met my now husband flying these terrific birds. He loved them as much as I did. Our friends made more, had shinny new jets to fly and unique ports of call to wake up in. But we were and continue to be, happier than pigs in poo.
I have taken an extremely unusual route and it isn't for everyone. I am not recommending you forsake all regionals and men until you hit 30. I am just saying, there are so many routes to happiness in Aviation. People just don't seem to see or seek the unusual ones anymore. Keep your eyes and your heart open and don't get bitter. I have seen too many folks let this industry suck the soul form them. I am nearly 40 and am the happiest person I know.
Keep the oily side down unless you're doin' Acro.
RadialGal
There are so many crap stories in this industry. If you want to know some female-sh!t-storms I've seen or delt with myself, PM me. I am a childless Bohemian, as is the Hubbsters; we both had no previous marriages or kids and lived Vagabond pilot lives until we met up.
I squatted in people's Hangars (they all let me) with a Camp Stove and a Cot all through Flight Training. I had a blast. Late night drag races with all the Militarty/Airline guy's toys. Hangar parties where I hid car keys from my drunken pilot pals and laid them down to sleep it off under the wings of a Cessna. Warm Summer evenings with a beer, watching the sun set after a full day of teaching stalls and turns around a point.
I have woken in the small hours of the morning to ride my bike to work (couldn't afford a car). Where I'd preflight the old R-2800's. Dragging a Ghostbuster looking backpack full of ADI to each engine. Add Oil, check the grand dame, head to toe, on the walk around. Watch as the pouring rain slid off her wings under the Sodium lights and try to imagine preparing to fly to Templehof back when this old girl flew the Berlin Airlift.
Could I have taken a faster route? Paid for training, as was so common back then? Sure, I could have made sacrifices, taken a job I didn't really want, live in crappy crash pads and fly out of Newark or LaGuardia; do the non rev shuffle of commuting to work. I decided not to. It cost me career wise, probably financially as well. But I have seen things folks my age never will. I've pulled a P-51 around a pylon in my friend's bird in a Reno practice run. I've flown formation acro in T-6's with men who fought and flew in WWII. I have watched the sunrise over Nebraskan cornfields with my thin fingers curled over the one of a kind throttles of a B-17. I met my now husband flying these terrific birds. He loved them as much as I did. Our friends made more, had shinny new jets to fly and unique ports of call to wake up in. But we were and continue to be, happier than pigs in poo.
I have taken an extremely unusual route and it isn't for everyone. I am not recommending you forsake all regionals and men until you hit 30. I am just saying, there are so many routes to happiness in Aviation. People just don't seem to see or seek the unusual ones anymore. Keep your eyes and your heart open and don't get bitter. I have seen too many folks let this industry suck the soul form them. I am nearly 40 and am the happiest person I know.
Keep the oily side down unless you're doin' Acro.
RadialGal
04-28-2014, 08:25 PM
#64
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Apr 2014
Position: Right Seat 737, Front seat T-6
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by Hilltopper89
This is correct. However, you can't control that but you can control yourself regarding priorities. Plying that she doesn't support your career will only make things worse. In this case you're gonna have to choose the career over the spouse every time. I choose to put my spouse first.
Having a supportive family has allowed me to pursue a career doing something I love, and that provides for the family. If the career and the family conflict, however, I can always get a different career ... can't get another family, however.
04-29-2014, 06:44 AM
#65
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Oct 2012
Position: 737
Posts: 1,061
Originally Posted by F15Cricket
Great words, Hilltopper! My wife and I got married right before I started USAF pilot training, almost 26 years ago. I retired from the USAF 4 years ago and am about to transition to flying people for money. Flying the World's Greatest Air Superiority Fighter in the USAF was a great career, but difficult with many, many days / nights gone from home, or long hours at work doing another upgrade ride. I respect those who've made different decisions, but I wouldn't trade my wife and children for anything.
Having a supportive family has allowed me to pursue a career doing something I love, and that provides for the family. If the career and the family conflict, however, I can always get a different career ... can't get another family, however.
Having a supportive family has allowed me to pursue a career doing something I love, and that provides for the family. If the career and the family conflict, however, I can always get a different career ... can't get another family, however.
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