In desperate need of a divorce lawyer
07-12-2018, 04:21 AM
#11
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Joined APC: Feb 2018
Posts: 28
Some practical advice that helped me...
1. Get a PO box so you can control where your mail goes.
2. Get a storage unit where you can keep some basic household stuff to set up if you do decide to leave.
3. Get some cash together that she doesn't know about. That way you can rent an apartment if the time comes.
4. Don't get a girlfriend, she will find out and she'll use it to crucify you.
5. You're paying your attorney by the hour. When he talks to his friends / colleagues about your case he says "I've got a $200,000 case" etc. There's no incentive for an attorney to settle this quickly. The way it often happens is months of back and forth, and then the morning before it goes to court the attorneys get together for an hour and work it all out! You've got to wonder why they didn't do that six months and fifty thousand dollars ago.
Always put the kids first and do everything you can to let them know that you're leaving her and not them. Harder than you'd think.
Good luck!
1. Get a PO box so you can control where your mail goes.
2. Get a storage unit where you can keep some basic household stuff to set up if you do decide to leave.
3. Get some cash together that she doesn't know about. That way you can rent an apartment if the time comes.
4. Don't get a girlfriend, she will find out and she'll use it to crucify you.
5. You're paying your attorney by the hour. When he talks to his friends / colleagues about your case he says "I've got a $200,000 case" etc. There's no incentive for an attorney to settle this quickly. The way it often happens is months of back and forth, and then the morning before it goes to court the attorneys get together for an hour and work it all out! You've got to wonder why they didn't do that six months and fifty thousand dollars ago.
Always put the kids first and do everything you can to let them know that you're leaving her and not them. Harder than you'd think.
Good luck!
07-12-2018, 05:11 AM
#12
Prime Minister/Moderator
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: Engines Turn Or People Swim
Posts: 39,216
Originally Posted by oldschool
, do not move out of the house, it puts you at a big disadvantage. You are at WAR now so get that mindset.
Course the problem is abandoning the kids since you're a pilot and can't care for them full time.
07-12-2018, 08:19 AM
#13
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Joined APC: May 2014
Position: CRJ900 & Captain
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by BFMthisA10
Good questions. No, they were separate lawyers. My big lesson learned was hiring my first without sufficient research on the topic, then taking the time to hire the next one right. And if I was to trim down all of the variables into a more streamlined process, AAML cert would be fairly center of mass; pick three off of AAML and interview them.
As far as father's rights, bias of the court, etc., my second attorney, if I were to be frank, was entrenched in many of the biases that are stereotypical, and I had several pointed discussions about tailoring the tactics and long term strategy in ways that sometimes ran counter to his accustomed routine. But it was his broader grasp of family law, to include the national, and even international spheres (what if she leaves the country with the kids?), asset division, custody, spousal maintenance, and case law that goes beyond local and state, THAT was where the credentialing mattered. Many attorneys include Family Law on their list of practice areas, but few make it their core skillset. If you didn't fly but had a King Air, would you hire an C-MEL rated school teacher to fly it for you?
As far as father's rights, bias of the court, etc., my second attorney, if I were to be frank, was entrenched in many of the biases that are stereotypical, and I had several pointed discussions about tailoring the tactics and long term strategy in ways that sometimes ran counter to his accustomed routine. But it was his broader grasp of family law, to include the national, and even international spheres (what if she leaves the country with the kids?), asset division, custody, spousal maintenance, and case law that goes beyond local and state, THAT was where the credentialing mattered. Many attorneys include Family Law on their list of practice areas, but few make it their core skillset. If you didn't fly but had a King Air, would you hire an C-MEL rated school teacher to fly it for you?
Love it when I ask the right questions.... I have that same issue as well, wife possibly leaving the country with my kids, so I would need that same kind of lawyer too. Something that has always terrified me, moreso when the kids were younger. Now that they are older not so much, purely because they are able to voice their opinions and my older child would really put up a fight I think.... And that has also always been central in my mind, finding a lawyer that focuses on family law and not just dabbles in it from time to time....
07-12-2018, 08:24 AM
#14
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Joined APC: May 2014
Position: CRJ900 & Captain
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by oldschool
Oh yes she will. Be very aware of the "one phone call" you know the one that accuses you of false domestic violence charges to get the upper hand in the divorce. Prepare to video/ audio record everything, do not move out of the house, it puts you at a big disadvantage. You are at WAR now so get that mindset.
She can call all she wants, because if she does (and I have told her to call, begged her even) because she is the worse transgressor in almost ever situation, having used violence against me. I have called the police on her before and had her arrested for assault in front of my toddle children so... I am not worried and in reality, she is the one that should be worried. And really, she is doing a lot of this stuff in front of our children and showing them what kind of person she really is and that is far worse in my opinion than calling the police on their dad.
And I do have a digital audio and video recorder, just tough to have them going when the sh*t hits the fan. It's hard to place them somewhere and just leave them- more difficult for the video naturally, audio I can carry around with me, but I am very afraid that she will find it or that it will fall out of my pocket and I leave it somewhere...
07-12-2018, 08:45 AM
#15
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Joined APC: May 2014
Position: CRJ900 & Captain
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Aviat0r
Some practical advice that helped me...
1. Get a PO box so you can control where your mail goes.
2. Get a storage unit where you can keep some basic household stuff to set up if you do decide to leave.
3. Get some cash together that she doesn't know about. That way you can rent an apartment if the time comes.
4. Don't get a girlfriend, she will find out and she'll use it to crucify you.
5. You're paying your attorney by the hour. When he talks to his friends / colleagues about your case he says "I've got a $200,000 case" etc. There's no incentive for an attorney to settle this quickly. The way it often happens is months of back and forth, and then the morning before it goes to court the attorneys get together for an hour and work it all out! You've got to wonder why they didn't do that six months and fifty thousand dollars ago.
Always put the kids first and do everything you can to let them know that you're leaving her and not them. Harder than you'd think.
Good luck!
1. Get a PO box so you can control where your mail goes.
2. Get a storage unit where you can keep some basic household stuff to set up if you do decide to leave.
3. Get some cash together that she doesn't know about. That way you can rent an apartment if the time comes.
4. Don't get a girlfriend, she will find out and she'll use it to crucify you.
5. You're paying your attorney by the hour. When he talks to his friends / colleagues about your case he says "I've got a $200,000 case" etc. There's no incentive for an attorney to settle this quickly. The way it often happens is months of back and forth, and then the morning before it goes to court the attorneys get together for an hour and work it all out! You've got to wonder why they didn't do that six months and fifty thousand dollars ago.
Always put the kids first and do everything you can to let them know that you're leaving her and not them. Harder than you'd think.
Good luck!
All duly noted. I have done some research in that regard already so i am familiar with many of those tactics, but I thank you for reminding of them...
I definitely am putting the kids first, and try to make sure they know that they are not at fault or responsible or not loved, etc...
07-12-2018, 09:43 AM
#16
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Joined APC: May 2014
Position: CRJ900 & Captain
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Originally Posted by rickair7777
Get advice from the lawyer. It may be better to move out if the situation justifies (emotional abuse might, that's not just for chicks).
Course the problem is abandoning the kids since you're a pilot and can't care for them full time.
Course the problem is abandoning the kids since you're a pilot and can't care for them full time.
Oh yeah, I am definitely not going anywhere without the advice of a lawyer. And things are very complicated at the moment anyways, since we just bought a new house and moved from a different state. And my wife would probably go back to where we lived in a heartbeat, where she has lived for the majority of her time here in the US. And I have told her as much too, that she is welcome to leave any time and go back if I am such a terrible husband. I work here, and have worked here for a long time and we moved back here so that I didn't have to commute anymore, but she is much happier back where we just moved from and I have no interest in going back there at all so...
That is a problem, with the kids. Funny thing is, I am a better father to them even though I am not home all the time, than she is a mother to them. I'm not saying she neglects them, but she tries more to be their friend than a mother. And she also tends to favor one sibling over the other (the younger one) which is definitely having a noticable effect on the older one, I can tell you...
07-12-2018, 11:13 AM
#17
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Jul 2014
Position: And hold
Posts: 311
Originally Posted by Beavis
Lol....
She doesn't know how to sew, but I'm not worried... I honestly don't even think she tells her friends anything. She certainly doesn't talk to her friends very much anyways so...
She doesn't know how to sew, but I'm not worried... I honestly don't even think she tells her friends anything. She certainly doesn't talk to her friends very much anyways so...
She's getting plowed by Chad because you are neglecting her with your stupid job. How dare you neglect her needs while you are off galavanting across the world, you know, earning an income...... Good luck buddy, as someone mentioned earlier, you are at war. Act accordingly.
07-12-2018, 11:26 AM
#18
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Feb 2008
Posts: 19,261
Originally Posted by Aviat0r
Some practical advice that helped me...
1. Get a PO box so you can control where your mail goes.
2. Get a storage unit where you can keep some basic household stuff to set up if you do decide to leave.
3. Get some cash together that she doesn't know about. That way you can rent an apartment if the time comes.
4. Don't get a girlfriend, she will find out and she'll use it to crucify you.
5. You're paying your attorney by the hour. When he talks to his friends / colleagues about your case he says "I've got a $200,000 case" etc. There's no incentive for an attorney to settle this quickly. The way it often happens is months of back and forth, and then the morning before it goes to court the attorneys get together for an hour and work it all out! You've got to wonder why they didn't do that six months and fifty thousand dollars ago.
Always put the kids first and do everything you can to let them know that you're leaving her and not them. Harder than you'd think.
Good luck!
1. Get a PO box so you can control where your mail goes.
2. Get a storage unit where you can keep some basic household stuff to set up if you do decide to leave.
3. Get some cash together that she doesn't know about. That way you can rent an apartment if the time comes.
4. Don't get a girlfriend, she will find out and she'll use it to crucify you.
5. You're paying your attorney by the hour. When he talks to his friends / colleagues about your case he says "I've got a $200,000 case" etc. There's no incentive for an attorney to settle this quickly. The way it often happens is months of back and forth, and then the morning before it goes to court the attorneys get together for an hour and work it all out! You've got to wonder why they didn't do that six months and fifty thousand dollars ago.
Always put the kids first and do everything you can to let them know that you're leaving her and not them. Harder than you'd think.
Good luck!
07-12-2018, 11:59 AM
#20
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Joined APC: Jun 2006
Position: none
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by Av8tr1
That's because she has Chad to talk with while you are on a trip. You know while you are working hard to put a roof over her head, food in her stomach and buy fancy things She's getting plowed by Chad because you are neglecting her with your stupid job. How dare you neglect her needs while you are off galavanting across the world, you know, earning an income......
Good luck buddy, as someone mentioned earlier, you are at war. Act accordingly.
She's getting plowed by Chad because you are neglecting her with your stupid job. How dare you neglect her needs while you are off galavanting across the world, you know, earning an income...... Good luck buddy, as someone mentioned earlier, you are at war. Act accordingly.
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