Years ago, landing in JFK we were following a company "Command Airways" Shorts 330, when clearing runway 31R behind our company SD330 the female ground controller after issuing taxi clearance says, I have never been in your airplane, how do I get into your pair of Shorts" !

 

I was flying that day.. landing on 28? We were number 4 on the line up... everyone dove out except that idiot!

 

I've heard of this story! The same guy, who flew the SR-71, also tells of another goodie.

"SoCal centre, Cessna 172 NXXXXX request a groundspeed readout?"
"78 knots"

"Beech Baron NXXX requests our groundspeed readout as well?"
"125 knots"

On comes a smug sounding F-18 pilot "Dusty 52, ahhh, request our groundspeed readout?"
"..525 knots"

Couldnt resist they said: "Center, Aspen 10, request our groundspeed readout"
".....1712 knots."

No one else asked.

 

Heard a controller ask two a/c for best forward speed. The first came back "American XXX I'm going balls to the wall here." The second came back, and a very female voice went "United XXX, well I can't go balls to the wall, but I can go wide open." Unidentified: "...Is United hiring?"

 

A while back at LFPG a CRJ driver neglected to read back his clearance properly twice, later on readback taxi instructions correctly. Came back a minute later and requesting a progressive taxi.

 

I told a student to say he had information "yank-me" instead of Yankee...

And information Queer-bec instead of Quebec...

Also... "Confirm we are queer to land" was pretty normal!!!

 

10 years ago while coming back into KPWA on a corporate 91 flight I heard an conversation between a student solo pilot and approach that went something like this....

Appr: N????? climb and maintain 3000'

N?????: Climb and maintain...was that 4000?

Appr: N????? Negative, climb and maintain 3000 and turn left to 090 deg.

N????? Climb and maintain 3000 and turn to what?

Appr: N????? are you a student pilot?

N????? Yes I am

Appr: Is your instructor with you?

N?????: No I'm on my first solo flight

Appr: N????? then you need to land and pick him up...

 

Great thread. I've got two to keep it going.

The other day we on our way into DFW. It wasn't too busy but there was a front moving through which had switched flow to a north flow through the course of the day. We park on the west side but were coming from the east so expecting 35C. We had asked if we could get 36L instead and were waiting for ATC to come back.

ATC: EGLxxxx, sorry we won't be able to accommodate tonight. Expect ILS 17C
After a quick glance at the captain.
Me: Roger that's ok. Expect 17C?
ATC: Ugh. Sorry expect 35C. It's been a long day.
Me: Ha ya. Understood. We just didn't want to be the one awkward duckling going the wrong way down a one way street.
ATC: (chuckling) Roger that.
Unknown A/C: Ya. You only get to do that once.
After a long day, we all thought it was funny.

The other happened several years ago to a student of mine on his first solo cross country. He was a great student who learned quickly and always strived to do everything the correct way. Mostly in part to his military and law background. He had finished his first leg and was headed back towards KCLL about 50 or so miles out and just checked in with Houston Center.

ATC: Cessna 5452D, hello, KCLL altimeter xx.xx, advise you have whiskey on board.
Well.... My student was a little confused at ATC's last request.
Student: uuuuuhhhhh... Altimeter xx.xx uuuuuhhhhh and uuuhhh no I don't have any whiskey on board.
ATC: No. Advise when you have whiskey at KCLL.
Student: Sir I'm sorry. I don't understand. I don't have any whiskey. My instructor says I'm not allowed to drink and fly.
By this time the controller is laughing which isn't helping. And my student is starting to get nervous.
ATC: Cessna 52D, we know. We need to know when you have received the weather there at KCLL. The ATIS is designated information WHISKEY.
Student: (Sounding relieved) Oh ok. 52D will go get the ATIS at KCLL. Man I was getting nervous. I didn't know what you were talking about.

The rest of the flight went well and we have a good laugh about it when he got back.

 

You should fly with me some time That is basically SOP!
I hope you accurately quoted the controller with the "Roger that" comment. Over in the '...annoying things said on the radio' thread there is a poster who says he has never heard that in 40 years of flying


Classic!

 

Circa1986-87, Eastern B727 inbound from RBV, EWR landing 22L

EAL123 - What's the chances of EAL123 getting 4R tonight?

NY Appch - About the same chance as Frank Lorenzo giving you a pay raise!