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Tool of the day

Old 04-23-2012, 01:50 PM
Joined APC: Oct 2006
Position: B757/767
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Originally Posted by Windsor View Post
Hell, thats where I do my best thinking.
Can't you take notes, then make the call afterwards?
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Old 04-23-2012, 01:50 PM
Can't abide NAI
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Originally Posted by wyanrare View Post
I have been biting my tongue for a week and finally can’t sit and stew any longer... I tell the brain dead boss to put out feelers for a new employee. ... my boss finds a local flying ace with a week old commercial single license and I am instructed to show him the ropes... He has some kind of business degree and owns his own plane, with seemingly no real goals of strapping on a larger airplane and doing any kind of commercial flying. This guy “just loves to fly” and is trying to find an office job. My question, why is he trying to fill a seat when clearly there are people chomping at the bit trying to build time? Do I train this guy or refuse?
Really? You're pulling our leg, right? What's this guy done to you? Is there some other reason to think he is a tool other than he has a little money and likes to fly?
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Old 04-23-2012, 02:13 PM
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A person, typically male, who says or does things that cause you to give them a 'what-are-you-even-doing-here' look. The 'what-are-you-even-doing-here' look is classified by a glare in the tool's direction and is usually accompanied by muttering of how big of a tool they are. The tool is usually someone who is unwelcome but no one has the balls to tell them to get lost. The tool is alwasys making comments that are out-of-place, out-of-line or just plain stupid. The tool is always trying too hard to fit in, and because of this, never will. However, the tool is useful because you can use them for things; money, rides, ect.
"Let's drive to Chicago from Iowa. Oh man, we need money. Hey, let's ask tool to come, he'll spot us the cash!"

"Tool is our friend. We call him that because he is one."
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Old 04-23-2012, 02:13 PM
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Just so we are clear on the definition
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Old 04-23-2012, 02:35 PM
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I was flying a trip out of CVG and was paired with one of the senior CA's you always heard stories about but could never believe. We were walking to our first flight together and I noticed his pant pockets jingled when he walked through the concourse. I finally had to ask him "What's with the jingling?". He went on to tell me how he tips the van drivers with 50 cent pieces. It apparently saved him "X" amount of dollars each year. He told me the van driver's always gave him an odd look, so they must think it is pretty cool getting a 50 cent piece for a tip.. I thought to myself, the look the van driver gives you is "You are such a tool".

Same CA: get to the plane and he takes off his jacket and I see he has two watches on, one on each wrist. I think to myself, this is impossible, I met this guy 20 minutes ago and he could possibly be in tool hall of fame. It gets better, as he is doing his preflight I notice his right pinkie nail is long and filed into a sharp point at the end. I look again at the watch on his left wrist and sure enough it is one of those calculator watches and he uses the sharpened pinkie nail to do his calculations.
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Old 04-23-2012, 02:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Royer View Post
Also: the tool that poses an interesting question while at cruise. You take the bait. Then spends the rest of the trip trying to sell you on his pyramid scheme

I've found it invariably the case that when someone is hardover on something, either in person, or on a forum, it is because theiy are selling something or have some other financial angle they are trying to work, whether its juicers, exercise tapes, gold bars or whatever.

They'll deny, deny, deny, right up until the end, when they try sell you a Super Deluxe Shakemaster 2000, or worse, try to get you to sell them.

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Old 04-23-2012, 02:57 PM
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On the "Guard" subject, how about the tool who says "Go ahead", when a pilot erroneously calls Gander or Shanwick to make a position report on Guard, duping the latter into proceeding to give the full report on Guard, thinking he or she is talking to a legitimate radio operator?

And now on to jumpseat etiquette:

When I jumpseat, I come down the jetway behind the agent with the closeout paperwork, gate-check my roll-a-board (unless a friendly F/A insists on finding room for it in the cabin), hang out in the jetway, wait for the agent to give the flight crew the final numbers, and only then request entry to the cockpit by way of the lead F/A. IOW, I try to spend minimum time on the flight deck, as a courtesy to the people who are trying to work in there.

And then there is the jumpseat "tool".

He (as it is usually a he) comes down the jetway before general boarding even begins. Then he starts to look for someplace in the cockpit to store all of his household goods which he seems to have brought with him (particularly annoying if it's an RJ or a 737). And then, not only does he hang out in the cockpit during boarding, getting in the way while the crew is trying to do their cockpit prep and checklists -- but he starts yakking incessantly, most of which is p'ing and m'ing about the company, and this, that, and the other thing.

And if the crew is successful in ignoring this tool, what does he do? Pull out his cell phone and start yakking on that.

How many times have we all heard this? You're rolling out on the high-speed, and suddenly from right behind your right or left ear, you hear, "Hey, babe... I just landed..."
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Old 04-23-2012, 03:16 PM
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Position: B757/767
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Old 04-23-2012, 03:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Boomer View Post
Ascot boy better be a Thunderbird pilot. And only if he flew a show on his way to the reunion.

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Old 04-23-2012, 03:58 PM
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King Tool of the Guard Police...

Was flying along one day monitoring guard and some Cessna down below gets on Guard and says very frantically that he's lost his engine and he's going to land in a field. Pretty stressful and time sensitive situation right?

Some moron gets on there, blocks him and goes "YOU'RE ON GUARD". Then he tries to repeat himself and other planes are trying to get information out of him.... where he's landing, souls on board, that kind of stuff, to pass along. A couple idiots keep responding to these guys with "ON GUARD" and the like.

For once, guard is being used for what its there for, and the guard police are so worked up about it that they can't even process that fact. Luckily the guy was able to get a transmission out that he was on the ground with no injuries.
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