Haha! Digital accelerator! That's funny. I think I know who you're talking about!

 

Once I got displaced to a Captain qual FO for a while so I wore 4 on the right shoulder and 3 on the left. (I thought is was a cleaver joke but realized it was a tool move so I stopped.)

 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH That made my day, mostly because I always feel that inner burning desire to do this.

 

I flew with a Captain displaced to FO for the first month he was a FO again.

The first 3 days, he put all of his stuff on the left side of the cockpit and claimed he just couldn't remember he was a FO again. By the third day I'd just walk in and start pitching his "stuff" in the general direction of the right side of the aircraft.

This guy went to fly with another Captain and told a F/A that he was still a Captain and the company wanted him to covertly evaluate the actual Captain's performance. He got into hot water over that event.

 

A crew is waiting on the curb in front of the terminal. The captain and all the F/A's are yakking away on their cell phones, when one of them looks at the F/O and asks, "Did you call the hotel?"

 

So whereas we have defined the definition of tool

And

Whereas we have cited multiple examples of toolishness

Be it resolved that we direct one another to end toolishness once and for all by leading by APC example.

My two examples.

Turboprop Captain at Brand X regional. FO is on food stamps trying to support a small family. FO has no cash for van driver. Rather than let him get branded a tool and ruin the fine reputation of turboprop pilots at brand X, I gave the van driver $2. One for me and one for him. This equated to just over 2 minutes of work for me. I think I could cover it.

Regional Jet Captain at Brand X. First Officer touts his 4 year ERAU degree from DAB as "far finer than what you'd find elsewhere", critiques my every move based on "the way he learned it". And all this while taxiing out of ORD. Next night, his leg, he's hand flying a very light -700 through a 180 degree turn back towards ORD. I retract the flaps for him without command before he can over speed them. At 275 knots at 3500 feet I ask if he'd like the autopilot. Since he's bent over the FMS I have to repeat the question. He responds no. At 290 knots I turn on the autopilot for him, set the speed to 250 knots, and am thankful that we had an unrestricted climb for the next 10,000 feet. He objects, I tell him to save it. At 10,000 feet with things safety under control I give him "the talk". He used the autopilot until 300' and made a nice landing in ORD. I'm sure he went on to become an upstanding furloughee and RJ Captain for brand Z.

 

Haha, that's classic!

 

Wingtips,

That "inner burning desire" is best left on the inside. Trust me. No, really, take my word for it!
Etiquet question: when disconnecting the autopilot is it okay to say "hold my beer, watch this!"?

 

The ERJ has a limitation of 170 KIAS Max for wiper operation. There's a story in my company of a new FO in cruise reaching up to do the exact same thing. The wiper thankfully remained with the airplane. The Captain queried what he was doing and his response was, "Just testing the logic of the system." Apparently he fell asleep when they went over that in ground school. There is no logic with the windshield wipers. It's one of the few switches on the airplane that ACTUALLY DOES something. Apparently there was no logic in the FO, either.

 

Unless the company gives me test pilot pay, I go by the book.