TheReelDeel33

I'm a young adult, and have been considering the military for a while. I've always known that if I joined I'd want to join as an officer, so I've been able to put off actually enlisting while I work on my degree. Now that graduation is within reach my thoughts about enlisting are getting more intense. My girlfriend, who i've been dating about 2 years, is in the same boat. Since i'm a pilot I'm interested in the air force. She was more interested in the marines. We had a pretty serious talk about enlisting and I guess we're both hesitant because we feel that the stress and distance that comes with a military career could probably end even the strongest relationships. So we're serious about each other and like the thoughts of settling down and being a family. We also like the thoughts of serving our country. Now we're wondering if it's gonna be one or the other.

I was wondering if anyone reading this has actually served in the military, and if so were you in a relationship? Did it last? And if it did last, how much was it affected/changed?

USMCFLYR

Yes - they can last.
Yes - they can fail.
Yes - both have to be very independent because you will spend A LOT of time apart possibly.
If you decide on two different services then you will have an even HARDER time.
Can it work??? Of course it can.
Could it end in divorce and 50% of your retirement? SURE COULD.
I think divorce in the military is still above the national average and the Marines might even be the highest among the services.

I have a friend who is a Navy JAG. She met her husband-to-be while in college and had a long distance relationship. He ended up being a Navy Helo pilot. They have spent MOST of their married life apart but were recently both stationed in San Diego. Sounds great except they basically got put on opposite deployment schedules (his scheduled, hers IAs). Even when he did come home the deployment schedule changed and he went back out earlier than expected. Recently she got out and joined the FBI. She is finishing up the Academy soon and got posted to Washington DC. They are hoping he can pick up a billet in Norfolk (3 hours away on a good day). If not - more time apart.

Moral of the story - - - so goes the married military life, and especially when both members are in the military. Of course the military does TRY pretty hard to station you both at the same place.

One other thiing. I have it on good authority that the Marines have pilots too (and always capitalize the 'M' in Marines ) Your GF will appreciate it!

USMCFLYR

rickair7777

You will be much better off if you are both in the same service, most or all of them have programs where they ATTEMPT to assign spouses to the same geographic local. This will not guarantee that deployment schedules won't conflict of course.

If you just want to fly in the military, Marines and AF will both get the job done. If you want to be an airline or other commercial pilot someday the AF is the safer bet because you are essentially guaranteed fixed-wing aircraft if that's what you want. Marines probably have a 50/50 chance of helos.

But even AF fixed wing time won't help you...if the airplane is unmanned

Tough call. Actually I might suggest that you try the ANG/AF Reserves. That way you could dodge the helo/UAV bullet (at least initially), and you could follow your girlfriend around and commute to the reserve unit. You might need an airline job for travel benefits for the commute.

Safest way to protect your financial future from your ex-wife is to make sure she has/makes more money than you. Don't marry a hairdresser, flight-attendant, etc.

TheReelDeel33

USMCFLYER... Marines, with a capital M from now on! Thanks for the input, and if the divorce and loss of 50% retirement was a personnel story, I'm sorry to hear it

RickAir- I'm on the path to becoming a professional pilot, so I think I'm safe because from what I've heard about a pilot's income I can divorce any hair dresser I want and she'll probably still have more money then me

USMCFLYR

You're on the right track - at least with the 'M' thing
Whether it was a personal story or just something I have seen time and time again over a career - the outcome can be the same. One thing to be SURE of is going in with your eyeballs wide open - your and your significant others. That is soemthign that I saw time and time again; a spouse who left after the service member was deployed once or twice. I kept wanting to say "you married a person in an expeditionary service", what did you expect.
No doubt times are tough right now. Just like the decision to be a professional pilot, it is fraught with peril (which you allude to knowing), so whether it be marriage, the military, or flying for a career - BE WELL INFORMED!

USMCFLYR

navigatro

[.......]

Seriously, though, marriage is tough enough without the added stress of military life plus constant, long term separation. I would not recommend it if you want to give your relationship the best chance of working.

Jetjok

Hey RD,

Here's my thoughts:

1. If your girlfriend is hot and you want to be with her forever, I'd forget about the military and get a job at the local university, where hopefully she'll be able to get a job too. If she's not hot, just do what you want, because it sounds like she's more interested in Marines than you anyway.

2. If you want to stay together and assuming you marry and want to stay married, I'd think long and hard about both of you joining the service, regardless of branches. The military, even the Air Force, is a hard life, that demands a lot of your time and commitment. As newly-weds, it will be extremely difficult to devote the time and energy needed to cultivate a long-lasting relationship, while serving your country. If you were both to join, it wouldn't be just twice as hard, it would be almost impossible to maintain any sort of real relationship with your spouse. If she were in another branch of service, you might as well kiss it off, especially if she joins the Marines. I mean, after all....have you seen their dress uniforms?

3. However, if you're both serious about being together as well as serving your country, you might consider: the National Guard; the Air Force Reserve; the Air National Guard; the Navy Reserve; the Marine Reserves; or the Coast Guard Auxiliary. Any of these organizations would allow you to build a life together, while at the same time, serve your country. But be advised, there will be periods of active duty when the both of you will be apart, but once you're married for a while, you'll see the beauty of this.

4. Again, let me caution you about letting her mess with the Marines, because once she does, you won't stand a chance.

Best of luck in your quest.

JJ

TheReelDeel33

I really like the idea of joining one of the reserves, and she would probably be content with that route as well if it is what I think it is.

My knowledge on it is pretty limited, but I know at the beginning it will still be a decent amount of time away from home. To become a pilot would consist of boot camp, officer training, and job training. I imagine for anyone else it would be the same deal minus the officer training.

But after all that is done it really mellows out and consists mostly of one weekend a month, unless you volunteer for more or the country is in a big enough crisis where they need every resource possible, correct?

And once boot camp is over, and the officer training/job training phases begin your allowed more freedom for phone calls/e-mails and that kind of thing right?

KC10 FATboy

Look at it this way. Do you really want your kids to have two parents that will more than likely spend a lot of time away from home? Imagine a scenario where you have very young baby at home and both of you get deployed. Would you want that to happen? The military requires that you have plans to turn over your kids to someone in the event that you both are deployed. It can and does happen.

Or, would you like to be geographically separated from one another for long periods of time (a few years or more)? How about after having a newborn? It can and does happen.

Personally, I think military life is just aweful on families. I've seen so many rotten military kids (brats). They get that way due to all of the moving around and one or both of the parents being gone so much. Of course, this could be just bad parenting too.

If you really love one another, stay out of the military. If not, join the same military. Additionally, you both will need to be officers. They do not like an officer/enlisted relationship. If that happens, the leadership will find ways of making life hell for you.

USMCFLYR

I have seen many families have a great life in the military. Also - if talking about kids and being brats - I agree with you that it is MUCH more about PARENTING (or the LACK thereof) that makes kids into brats or not. In much of my experience, kids that have moved around some have a wider breadth of knowledge about the world and their surroundings. They are usually very socialized because they have had to make friends often - be outgoing - adjust to different surroundings. Some might have even been fortunate enough to have lived overseas - Germany, Italy, Australia are just some of the places that friends of mine have lived recently and their children LOVED it!

It is too individualistic in my opinion to be able to make sweeping statements on whether military life is good on families or not. KC said it right above - "in [his] opinion". Your mileage may vary.

Also Reel - depending on your commissioning source - as a pilot you wouldn't be going to boot camp AND officer training more than likely. I'll let others with Reserve or Guard experience speak more, but I'll put the bug in your ear. As a pilot you would being spending a lot more than 1 weekend a month amd 2 weeks a year doing your military duty.

USMCFLYR