As a former Spirit guy, I appreciate this joke lol

Why would we stop hiring? Planes will be coming (albeit slower then planned), retirements are happening and new hires are cheaper then any senior pilots who take unpaid leave(s).

"The initial May offering may not include some of the delivery-affected fleets...however, we anticipate that will quickly change as we enter the summer flying period"

There will be more, once the FAA "convinces" mgt. to one again park a bunch of those wrung out P&W 777's, like they is a few years ago.

why would the FAA “convince” United to park any of its fleet?

the FAA doesn’t make operating decisions for UAL. The last 777 parking was done because of an AD. What grounding AD do you think the FAA has up its sleeve that ONLY affects PW 777s?

My cousin is at UAL in an affected BES... basically the staffing matrix is green so pilots can do whatever they want with their schedules and the company doesn't like it. QOL is too good for evergone in those fleets (756, 787, 777) in some bases so they're looking for a few (in some cases less than 3, in some cases upto a dozen) people to take a month off so they don't have to pay them to not fly.

Folks need to read between the lines here. The industry is not failing apart, this is not a sign of a black swan event. It was publicly stated that United expects to receive 102 fewer aircraft in 2024. Not knowing the spread of 737/321/787 off the top of my head, one can assume that is easily ~1200 pilots. Hiring for those deliveries began early last year and not receiving them creates a massive surplus of pilots. Looking at the number of offerings for empty lines and eCOLAs, it is a TINY fraction of our pilot group. 140 pilots in total between the two offerings.
The 787 got hit the hardest for May, which leads me to believe those deliveries have lagged the most so far, alongside the fact that the # of crews per 787 is much higher than a 737 due to the augmentation on that fleet. Probably explains why the new Marrakesh route will be on a 767.
Why the 737 and 320 weren’t involved in the May empty line/eCOLA offering is a sort of a mystery. My best guess is because the training pipeline is still jammed full of newhires and new captains, the company doesn’t want LCPs taking any sort of leaves.
Management knows these planes will eventually come. When? Who knows, but they are simply using contractual methods to temporarily reduce the headcount of the more expensive senior pilots, while still taking on newhires to be ready for when the deliveries spool up again.

...The same way the FAA has convinced them to halt growth. There is no AD for that, just some gentle persuasion. Those old 777' s should be made into beer cans.

Had a beer with a 787 FO who hasn’t touched a plane since October. He’s loving life right now

they didn’t halt growth. We took delivery of a new 737 yesterday. All the summer flying is going as planned for the airframes that we have.

where are you getting your information?