I currently fly for a small 135 operator, that allows me to be home every night. But, I am nearing ATP mins and am considering making the jump into the regional world. I have heard horror story after horror story about how the industry kills the happiest of marriages. (AIDS!!!).

For those of you out there that have been able to keep both your wife/kids and advance your career, what are some of the do's/don't that you have learned? What is the least painful path to take?

I know of all the naysayers but there has to be a fair amount of CA and FO in the airline industry that keep a happy family life.

 

Poor carpenters blame their tools.

Aviation doesn't kill marriages.

Pilots fail to maintain their marriage. It's not the job; it's the individual.

 

Supposedly, half of all marriages fail. There are pros and cons to every career path but it's not a foregone conclusion that a career in aviation kills marriages. There are plenty of other well known reasons for that. (My current schedule is 17 days/month Part 121 and it works well for us.)

 

We have MANY female pilots on here. Perhaps “spouses” would be better wording than just “wives”??

 

I generally try not to use male pronouns for everything on APC, in respect of that fact.

But since he's a guy, who sounds like he's married to a girl, he's probably specifically concerned with that particular combination. A stay-home dad and pilot mom would be a little different dynamic.

 

As others have said a lot of it is up to the individuals. Pilot personalities are not always naturally relationship-focused.

The woman needs to be independent enough to take care of things when you're on the road... but then she realizes she can easily do without you, so you'd better be paying close attention to her needs.

Aviation (involving overnight travel) is undeniably an added stressor to a marriage. You can mitigate that by hooking up with the right woman, and then doing your part.

Also it's easier for her if you live where she has friends and family, so lots of people commute for that reason. Living in base is nice, but you'd have to move a lot as the career progresses, and she might get sick of being a military wife... without the military support infrastructure.

During dues paying, you can get her on board with the concept that it will pay off later (doctors, lawyers have similar programs). The risk here is that industry hiccups can extend the dues paying... or make you start all over.

 

Being away for a handful of nights a month can be hard on a marriage, it’s also been known to prolong or save a few.

I still compare it to 6+ months of ‘haze gray & underway’, a few nights away is kids stuff.

How many of us know different couples, one complaining the spouse works to much, the next just as strongly peeved the spouse is weak with meaningful employment. As posted, no one size fits all relationships.

 

Truth. I know a pilot whose wife enjoys boyfriends on the side, and he lets her do it.

His Rule: Blue collar only (so she won't fall in love, he knows she's too upscale).

She has tremendous motivation to stay in shape.

She'll never leave him, because where is she going to find a deal like that? Husband travels, makes $300K, and lets her play!

Kind of made sense when he explains it. Not for everyone of course

 

How is being away from home for 15-17 days a month as a pilot any harder on a relationship than a workaholic spouse who works 70 hrs a week in a traditional job?

While the workaholic might technically be home every night, is he (or she) REALLY able to give the other his/her undivided attention and affection when he isn't working?

While the pilot might be away from home a lot of the time, he is ALSO home a lot, and every minute of that time spent at home on the remaining 13-15 days each month (more if one has decent seniority), can be used 110% for focusing on and maintaining a healthy relationship, since pilots are truly OFF, on their days off.

Just have to ask

 

In my experience, my time at home is of much better quality than an officer worker's, due to being present and having a few days to relax. I'm not tired or fatigued after the first day home, nor am I distracted.

Also nice to be able to volunteer at your kid's school.