Top 25 Mistakes Airline Pilots Make (Divorce)
08-25-2010, 07:39 AM
#1
Gets Weekends Off
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Joined APC: Nov 2005
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Posts: 211
Top 25 Mistakes Airline Pilots Make (Divorce)
http://learnwomen.com/top-25-mistake...ke-in-divorces
1. Putting your Asian girlie bar charges on your credit card. Don't leave a paper trail on anything you wouldn't want on display before a judge or jury.
2. Putting out profiles on dating web sites before divorce is final. Separation is not divorce. You are not free to roam about the cabin just yet.
3. Getting a new girlfriend/boyfriend, and telling your spouse about it in order to rub it in. It's going to look very bad to the judge, and good luck then getting him or her to side with you on important decisions.
4. Threatening to take the children away to use as leverage to keep your spouse in line.
5. Hiding assets. The truth will eventually come out, and it makes you look like a dishonest person. And it begs opposing counsel's search for what else you are hiding.
6. Being a wimp and a pushover, giving your spouse more than what they're legally entitled to. Willing to let the spouse get more than they deserve for the sake of assuaging your guilt.
7. Incriminating evidence left on the computer. Do not leave an electronic paper trail. Many spouses will have software like Spector Pro installed on your computer, which will log every single keystroke you make.
8. Hiring attorneys who promise a particular outcome. There are no guarantees in family law. The judge could be having a bad day; there are a million reasons that a sure thing could come out differently. Don't go with a lawyer who tells you it won't cost more than a certain amount unless they are offering a flat fee. There are a million reasons it could cost you a fortune, for example if your ex hires a very litigious lawyer who bombards your lawyer with document requests going back 10 years.
9. Trying to represent themselves in a divorce case. If there's a time you need an attorney, this is it. Your kids, house, and retirement are all on the line.
10. Arguing excessively over possessions. At $250 per hour for an average attorney, let your ex have the couch, TV, or stereo... it's cheaper to buy new ones.
11. Putting your children in the middle. Saying things to your kids things like "I can't buy you that because your Mommy has taken all of my money," or "Your Daddy's not paying me enough child support to buy you this..." And never, ever disparage your ex within earshot of your children.
12. Don't move out of your house if you plan on going for custody of your kids.
13. Showing up with a new, younger, significant other to a settlement conference or hearing. You will have NO chance of settling.
14. Making threats. It's a contentious time, but never say things like "I'm going to kill you for this," as you will be served with a restraining order the next day.
15. Not focusing on your flying. Don't get violated or otherwise do dumb things because you're obsessing over your ex or your new relationship.
16. Not requesting an Airline Pilot Possession Order, or Variable Possession Order, unless you're senior enough that you can get every single weekend off.
17. Dumping your significant other during your custody battle with your ex. Chances are said significant other will contact your spouse and write a declaration on your spouse's behalf saying that you are an alcoholic drug dealer who hits his or her kids and girlfriends/boyfriends, etc.
18. NOT SEEING YOUR KIDS. Now's not the time to slack off on visitation. See your little ones as much as you can.
19: Not maintaining consistent electronic communication with your kids. Use email, IM, Skype, texts, etc. Plus, it's a way to document your efforts at staying in contact with your kids.
20. Not keeping detailed notes of visitation, your ex's outlandish comments, and recording any threatening or otherwise hostile voicemails left for you. Document, document, document.
21: For men: there's a saying that goes "You've never met a woman until you've met her in court." If there's any time in her life when a woman has the ability to be incredibly conniving, dirty, and underhanded, a divorce is where you'll see it. Beware.
22: For women: it's imperative that you keep your emotions in check. Don't take his word for anything. Brush up on your sleuthing skills. Follow your instincts and don't let your guard down.
23. Serving your spouse with divorce papers in embarrassing locations. Just don't do it. Try service by mail first unless you are on a service deadline. One lawyer said she sends a nice letter asking the opposing side to sign a Notice and Acknowledgment of Receipt and advising them that they will be personally served if they do not sign the acknowledgment. There is nothing to be gained by humiliating your spouse if you can avoid it.
24: Doing anything at all that you wouldn't want shown in a courtroom in a matter of months. Expect the unexpected.
25. Not watching who you talk to. Your common "friends" can turn on you in an instant. Loyalties can shift rapidly, and what you've confided in them can and will be used against you...
1. Putting your Asian girlie bar charges on your credit card. Don't leave a paper trail on anything you wouldn't want on display before a judge or jury.
2. Putting out profiles on dating web sites before divorce is final. Separation is not divorce. You are not free to roam about the cabin just yet.
3. Getting a new girlfriend/boyfriend, and telling your spouse about it in order to rub it in. It's going to look very bad to the judge, and good luck then getting him or her to side with you on important decisions.
4. Threatening to take the children away to use as leverage to keep your spouse in line.
5. Hiding assets. The truth will eventually come out, and it makes you look like a dishonest person. And it begs opposing counsel's search for what else you are hiding.
6. Being a wimp and a pushover, giving your spouse more than what they're legally entitled to. Willing to let the spouse get more than they deserve for the sake of assuaging your guilt.
7. Incriminating evidence left on the computer. Do not leave an electronic paper trail. Many spouses will have software like Spector Pro installed on your computer, which will log every single keystroke you make.
8. Hiring attorneys who promise a particular outcome. There are no guarantees in family law. The judge could be having a bad day; there are a million reasons that a sure thing could come out differently. Don't go with a lawyer who tells you it won't cost more than a certain amount unless they are offering a flat fee. There are a million reasons it could cost you a fortune, for example if your ex hires a very litigious lawyer who bombards your lawyer with document requests going back 10 years.
9. Trying to represent themselves in a divorce case. If there's a time you need an attorney, this is it. Your kids, house, and retirement are all on the line.
10. Arguing excessively over possessions. At $250 per hour for an average attorney, let your ex have the couch, TV, or stereo... it's cheaper to buy new ones.
11. Putting your children in the middle. Saying things to your kids things like "I can't buy you that because your Mommy has taken all of my money," or "Your Daddy's not paying me enough child support to buy you this..." And never, ever disparage your ex within earshot of your children.
12. Don't move out of your house if you plan on going for custody of your kids.
13. Showing up with a new, younger, significant other to a settlement conference or hearing. You will have NO chance of settling.
14. Making threats. It's a contentious time, but never say things like "I'm going to kill you for this," as you will be served with a restraining order the next day.
15. Not focusing on your flying. Don't get violated or otherwise do dumb things because you're obsessing over your ex or your new relationship.
16. Not requesting an Airline Pilot Possession Order, or Variable Possession Order, unless you're senior enough that you can get every single weekend off.
17. Dumping your significant other during your custody battle with your ex. Chances are said significant other will contact your spouse and write a declaration on your spouse's behalf saying that you are an alcoholic drug dealer who hits his or her kids and girlfriends/boyfriends, etc.
18. NOT SEEING YOUR KIDS. Now's not the time to slack off on visitation. See your little ones as much as you can.
19: Not maintaining consistent electronic communication with your kids. Use email, IM, Skype, texts, etc. Plus, it's a way to document your efforts at staying in contact with your kids.
20. Not keeping detailed notes of visitation, your ex's outlandish comments, and recording any threatening or otherwise hostile voicemails left for you. Document, document, document.
21: For men: there's a saying that goes "You've never met a woman until you've met her in court." If there's any time in her life when a woman has the ability to be incredibly conniving, dirty, and underhanded, a divorce is where you'll see it. Beware.
22: For women: it's imperative that you keep your emotions in check. Don't take his word for anything. Brush up on your sleuthing skills. Follow your instincts and don't let your guard down.
23. Serving your spouse with divorce papers in embarrassing locations. Just don't do it. Try service by mail first unless you are on a service deadline. One lawyer said she sends a nice letter asking the opposing side to sign a Notice and Acknowledgment of Receipt and advising them that they will be personally served if they do not sign the acknowledgment. There is nothing to be gained by humiliating your spouse if you can avoid it.
24: Doing anything at all that you wouldn't want shown in a courtroom in a matter of months. Expect the unexpected.
25. Not watching who you talk to. Your common "friends" can turn on you in an instant. Loyalties can shift rapidly, and what you've confided in them can and will be used against you...
08-27-2010, 03:35 AM
#5
Retired
Joined APC: Feb 2008
Position: whale wrangler
Posts: 3,527
Originally Posted by Gordon C
What's amazing isn't that guys go through one divorce that wipes them out, they go out and do it again 2 more times.
Fred and I have friends who have gone through divorce and some of them are just a bit envious that our marriage has lasted for over 20 plus years.
I will say that COMMUNICATION is a big part of any relationship and if your not talking then you are going to have problems.
Ally
08-30-2010, 06:23 PM
#6
Line Holder
Joined APC: Mar 2009
Posts: 86
basically, other than infidelity or some kind of physical abuse, gut it out. I had a rocky patch a year or so ago and talked to a friend who was recently divorced, talked for a long time on multiple occasions and that was the nutshell. I'm glad I've stuck it out, we’re only 7 years deep, 2 kids, one furlough, second airline pilot job. Aint peaches and cream, but the good times do outnumber the bad now.
Doesn't really answer your question, but unless it's screwing around or physical, stick it out.
Doesn't really answer your question, but unless it's screwing around or physical, stick it out.
08-30-2010, 06:37 PM
#7
With The Resistance
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: Burning the Agitprop of the Apparat
Posts: 6,191
Just know that your odds are 50/50 before you push half your chips on the table. Don't ever make a bet with those odds, but there are ways to improve the outcome.
Not a knock on the institution, but I am not ready to be institutionalized just yet.
Not a knock on the institution, but I am not ready to be institutionalized just yet.
08-30-2010, 07:05 PM
#8
I'm a man of my word.
Joined APC: Jul 2008
Position: Devil's Advocate
Posts: 2,883
Originally Posted by jungle
Just know that your odds are 50/50 before you push half your chips on the table. Don't ever make a bet with those odds, but there are ways to improve the outcome.
Not a knock on the institution, but I am not ready to be institutionalized just yet.
Not a knock on the institution, but I am not ready to be institutionalized just yet.
or
Ain't talkin' 'bout the candy, ya' hear?
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