A plane is on its way to Houston when a ...

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class who belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh, I'm Sorry, " and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her First Class isn't going to Houston."

 

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my
crew. I'd like to
welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from
New York to London.

We are currently flying a height of 35,000 feet midway
across the Atlantic.

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard
side of the aircraft, you will observe that b
oth the starboard engines are on fire. If you look
out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that
the port wing has fallen off.

"If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you
will see a little yellow life raft with three
people in it waving at you. That's me your
captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air
stewardesses. This is a recorded message."

 

Pilot (on final, on a dark night , is switching off the landing lights): "Tower, guess who´s coming now?"

Controller (switching off runway lights): "Don´t know, but guess where we are!"

 

These were made after the American West Drunk pilot's scandal:

These were emailed to me. I don't want the blame of having thought them up.

What do you call the auto-pilot button on an America West plane?

Designated Driver


How many pilots does it take to fly an America West plane?

Two and a fifth


What do America West pilots call pushback?

Miller Time


What is the new legal blood-alcohol limit of America West pilots?

747


Other than the Captain and First Officer, what other men might you find in an America West cockpit?

Jim Beam and Jack Daniels

 

First up, 747 vs C-5 on the ramp:

A 747 is taxiing by a mammoth National Guard C-5 enroute to the runway. The young military hotshot C-5 pilot comes on over the radio: "What's your gross there, little buddy?"

The mature 747 pilot, not to be outdone, responds "Oh, about 290 a year."

 

On a recent JFK-Heathrow flight, we were cruising along when suddenly, one of the engines started smoking. The pilot came on the intercom and announced "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to report that we've lost an engine, but don't worry, we'll still make it to London, however, we will be about 15 minutes late". A few minutes later, the other engine died, and the pilot came on and said "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to inform you that we've lost another engine. We're going to be about 30 minutes late getting into London" Naturally, another engine blew, and the pilot came on the intercom once again. "Ladies and gentlemen, we're down to one engine. We're going to be 2 hours late." A few minutes after that, the last engine gave out, and the captain came on the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, we've lost our last engine." Suddenly, an old man shouted out "Great! Now we'll be up here forever!!!"

 

Your FAA pilot certificate is your membership card to the American bad@$$ club.

 

One day a sweet young lady was conducting a study in to human sexual behaviour. She sat down to think and came to the
conclusion that the best place to find participants for the survey would be the airport, as there was a wide range of different
people going through.

After about three hours of questioning passengers, she sees a pilot walking to his gate .Having heard of the reputation of pilots
she stops him "Excuse me, Captain" she says, "I am doing a survey on human sexuality... I was wondering if you could answer
a few questions...."

The pilot agrees, and the young lady starts questioning him. Afterthree or four questions, she asks him "and when was the last
time you had sex?". Straight away the Captain replies "1959". The girl was shocked... she looks at the captain and asks "1959
isn't that a long time ago?".

"Oh" the pilot replies "I guess so .. but it's only 2015 now..."
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Right there was a passenger who was affraid of flying and he was siting at the front of the plane a man sat down beside him and said that we are not in a safe place in the plane i would far rother be in the back,the other man ask why

Did you ever here of plane reverseing into mountains!!!!

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During a flight a young boy was escorted to the flight deck by his mum. He got to meet the pilots and asked all sorts of questions. He then asked the captain

"Have you ever been scared?"

The Capt. leant back in his seat and pondered then said

"Well once a young stewardess rang my house....

The mother quickly dragged the young boy back to his seat *LOL*

 

VERY cute jokes, Favila. Thanks for the laugh!!

 

There's an old saying that goes, "A pilot is a confused soul. He talkes about women when he's flying and flying when he's with a woman."

- Neil Harrison

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Twr: Aircraft on final, overshoot, overshoot. Your gear is up !
Pilot: Say again, there is a horn making such a noise.

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You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once."

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Airline gate agent
An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded United flight was canceled.

A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "******* you!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that too."

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