You Might Be A Pax Airline Pilot If ....
 

There's a thread in Cargo on how to know if you're a freight dog. What about all the others who fly people, their children and their baggage? I am not one so I can't really start the list, but interested in what others have to contribute. :D

1. Will sing a tune over the PA for passenger tips to supplement low pay.

If you have been sitting on FURLOUGH for a couple of years watching regional pilots fly 70 seat Replacement Jets in your airlines paint.:confused:

Being number 20 in line does not bother you.

All your pens come from fine hotels...

You've never carried a bucket of your boss' crap off the airplane.

Your kids think that all bars of soap are 2" long.

Your kids don't know what day their birthday or Christmas really fall on.

if you think, sleeping with FA's is not really cheating

It doesn't really get any less annoying.

If sleeping with the FA's could also be known as chubby granny chasing.

Hey, if you're into cankles it might be your thing!

....as does your stationary which is what you use to doodle atis codes, parking spots and taxi clearances.

Your liquor cabinet is stocked with airline minibottles .:)






Ally

Been almost 20 years since Legacy carriers hired any young cute stews. Sleeping with Stews does not happen unless you're gay or into old natsy fat chicks.

...if you consider "chatting with the hotel van driver" a key part of your social life.

You bid hotels that have a free breakfast.

You chose rooms on the side of the hotel that does not get the sun.

You bid your schedule so the sun is always at your back. (I knew a few that have done this)

You choose to work for an airline based on whether it's coke or pepsi. Then get really ****ed when they switch to Jones Cola...

Mookie

When the airline will pay more too "buy" people off an oversold flight than they're going to pay the ENTIRE crew to work said flight.

Thread has potential

Didn't they get rid of that stuff a couple of years ago?

You have a whole drawer full of shampoos, conditioners, and lotion from hotels.

You know exactly where the good eating places are at every airport as soon as you look at your trip.

You also know how to get to every good eating place and how to walk there at every layover.

You ALSO know the best places in every airport to take a dump.

Some of these are more for the Regional guys...

Your wife makes more money than you without a college education.

You're single, 38, and you still live with your parents because you need to pay off your student loans.

You think every pilot that doesn't work at your company is an idiot and is ruining the industry.

You think $9 for a meal is outrageous.

You're embarrassed to tell your CPA how much money you make.

If you're working for a payrate that wasn't even competitive in 2003 and you have at least another 3 years before a new payrate will be negotiated and your position's payrate increases ended after 4 years.

And just like Oliver who asked for MORE? your CEO smacks you in your face with his rubber _ _ _ _ _ .

You do your normal "walk-around" -find something out of tolerance and a grumpy mechanic comes out and sarcastically asks if you're doing a "D check".

If you know where the microwave is located in every airport and hotel.

If you look like a human tractor-trailer walking through the airport.

If you fall off the top bunk in your crash pad.

You get totally bummed out when the air traffic controller with the cute voice doesn't respond to your "have a nice day" when you get handed off.

You know all the places to buy a meal for under $5 in the Atlanta (or other hub) airport.

(for RJ pilots) You know that the seat cushion from another row can be pulled off and placed in the isle between rows and fits exactly snug to make one complete row to make a bed for napping between flights.

You thank God every day that you don't have the job of a flight attandant or gate agent.

The proudest moment of your life was walking a brand new Purdy Neat Stuff rollaboard down the aisle. You still get a little emotional thinking about it.

You can play "picture poker" with flight attendants: they put down one cat, you put down a picture of yourself in front of an airplane. Last one to run out gets the last seat home.


And you know you're an "extra-special" pilot when:

-You think epaulets on leather is the epitomy of fashion.

-You have a spare pilot hat: one for the cleaners, one for the road.

-You can use the word "Academy" in any first sentence.

-You wear extra-soft leather driving gloves that "really help" with crosswind landings.

-You built a shrine to yourself in the den, but you really think your life-sized uniformed portrait painting would look better in the dining room. You want to talk to your wife about it, but you don't remember her name.

-For every request for flaps, or the landing gear, you have a cute presentation on aerodynamics and fuel efficiency. A hand-puppet helps you present it.

-For every request for flaps, or the landing gear, you have a cute presentation on aerodynamics and fuel efficiency. A hand-puppet helps you present it.
-------------------------

Okay now youve done it.

You realize that, in fact, no, you did not win the lottery.

You have had a conversation with a flt att who actually explained about how licking her cat (yes Mr Jingles) seemed to relax it. And thought talking about it was normal conversation.

You've endured the "family pictures" of cats from the senior mommas. (the whole time thinking: its not murder, its just target practice)

Noone wants "crew juice" because they are afraid someone on the "crew" will turn them in.

you've eaten the twix bar left in the cubby hole.

you've been amazed how the company hires all these pilots that have the same personalities, interests, and thought processes.

when you fly with someone who doesnt fit the above description, you wonder how he got thru because he's so rare.

you say thankyougoodbye to do a boob check.

more, much more, i'll spare ou.

You can be identified naked by your USA Today, big watch, and little...

. . . After silencing your phone alarm you spend a few groggy minutes truly having no idea where on the planet you are.

.... if people you barely even knew you were related to think you can get them free tickets and/or care about their latest travel nightmare story.

....You can make it from clearance to the departure controller without having to pull a single chart or look up a single frequency at at least 3 major airports... (including ramp and ops freqs.)

....You can get clearance, do weight and balance, and run checklists all while stuffing your face with whatever gross bit of food you picked up at the airport on your 15min turn...

....You lay in bed at your hotel saying to yourself every 30 minutes "If I were to fall asleep RIGHT NOW, I would get xhrs of sleep until my alarm goes off...

Every airport you go to (even if you've never been there), you get stopped by a passenger and they ask, "How do I get to gate ____?"

...you know which section of your commuter hotel has the best internet connection, but you don't tell anyone because you don't want them taking your room. (as if you're the only one that's figured it out)

hahaha, my favorite so far

You use the ship's flashlight to pre-flight your RJ's static wicks in broad daylight (when not at your F-15 gig) - because you ARE ALPA!

If you're gonna mock "the milkman", gotta do it right :D