RunFast

that is absolutely the right attitude. You’ll make the right decision on getting out of this current mess and figure out what to do next when it comes time. We all made mistakes along the way but reaching out for help is the first and best way to get moving along with your life. Tailwinds my friend.

RunFast

....filler....

m3113n1a1

We're all rooting for you!!

Rotide

I went though this exactly a year ago. The ex had given up over the summer and I fought to get her back till New Year’s Day I decided I was done too. We had tentatively come to financial terms and I got it done and signed by the judge on the 17th of Jan.
You won’t be able to do that in GA but the best advice I got was to keep her happy and thinking that we’d be friends when done.
After the papers were signed I burned the bridge though and have since even gotten majority custody of our son.
good luck and keep her happy!

beernutt

My experience, take it for what it’s worth -

During my divorce there was a lot of blame and anger. This resulted in no progress toward the goal of clean separation. Every conversation either personally or through her attorney became a battle, usually over really trivial things. Pretty standard. Lots of stress and unhappiness.

One day I was driving to work and I had a revelation. I pulled over, called her and said “you didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t do anything wrong either. It just didn’t work. We tried, but it just didn’t work. You’re a great mom, and I’m a good dad, and neither one of us did anything wrong. I don’t blame you for anything.” And I meant it.

There was a little more to the conversation but that’s the core of it. From that day everything got easier. I’m not saying it was all great after that but it made a big difference in communication.

It sounds simple and new-agey but for us it worked. Let the other person know they are a good person and you are too. Take the blame out of the equation, and more importantly the guilt, which is usually the driving factor. Right now you are consumed with anger and feelings of betrayal. That’s completely understandable. But realize nobody can function rationally and objectively when they are hurt and angry. It takes some time, but let it go. You’re a good person. She is too, otherwise you wouldn’t have married her. Let her know, and almost as important, believe it yourself, and in yourself.

You didn’t do anything wrong. It just didn’t work out.

RunFast

Beernutt, I did the same thing but it was not reciprocated. However, I felt a lot better, gave me perspective for things to come.

Saying sorry and I forgive you was much easier than maintaining radio silence for me.

80ktsClamp

I’m going through the process as well... my fault and known on my end. Hopefully avoiding the lawyering up but prepped for that.

ppping

Sorry to hear that. It freaking sucks.

Thruster

kidding. Sorry could resist. Hope it all works out. I mean that.

at6d

Going through the process as well. Fortunately for our situation, we have both been amicable. Over the last 22 years, we had a few times when things got pretty rough. I did the big man thing and changed careers, moved the family to a better place, and gave it all I could—but in the end, we are just business partners that focused on the kids more than on our own foundation.

We are headed to mediation, both want to avoid a judge. She doesn’t want half, she doesn’t hate me, we both want what’s best for our kids. No custody battle, no contested issues...yet.

Im am FO at present, probably won’t upgrade for another five years (SWA), and I have 20 to go. Youngest will be 18 in two years and oldest is 21.

Ill take a financial hit of course, but at 45 I’m too young to be unhappy for the rest of my days.

We both deserve to be happy and to have peace. I’m struggling emotionally with the typical male pilot ideas of failure and what could have been...but it’s time to divert and get safely on the ground while the storm passes.

I moved into an apartment, which is weird. But I watched an episode of Band of Brothers today and remember that things could be much worse. Or something.

Good luck to all of you.