TonyC

The fact that you've deferred to an on-line forum of anonymous pilots speaks volumes.

Spare her the grief.


There are plenty of couples who have made aviation work for both of them. Your priorities seem to be screwed up, so I wouldn't associate you with those successful couples. The question should be about love, not career.






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SonicFlyer

I can see this going bad... get in a fight, the next day on approach you ask her to extend the flaps and lower the gear on, I can hear her response already "no, put your own damn gear down"

yeah, that could lead to some nasty CRM issues lulz

Qotsaautopilot

Do you guys want to raise the kids or have someone else raise them.

If you want someone else to raise them you can probably make the marriage work but IMO it’s not fair to the kids. IMO kids need their actual parents doing the parenting

If you want to actually raise the kids you brought into this world then you probably won’t ever see your wife because you’ll be on opposite schedules so the marriage will ultimately suffer. It also won’t be fair to the kids because they’ll never have you as a family unit together. You may as well be divorced if they only get you one at a time.

IMO having kids with two full time pilots or flight attendants is a terrible idea and the poor kids shouldn’t have to deal with that.

Now, if you’re dead set on not having kids you can try and bid similar schedules so you see each other regularly and the money hopefully will be fabulous if you’re both at career airlines. Honestly this would be an ideal marriage because she “gets it” and you’re rich because you have two great incomes and no expense of children. The second you find out she’s pregnant is the moment you need to plan on adjusting your lifestyle and one of you hanging it up for good.

Al Czervik

jdebrey,
Be cautious... There are a lot of guys on here giving advice that arent married to a pilot. There are also a lot of guys that married another pilot (now divorced from) that couldn’t have made a normal marriage work either. It’s a very tough deal at times and may require more work than other marriages.
It also gives you opportunities others will never have.
Check your messages.

busdriver12

Spot on. Excellent points.

5spot

My man, wait until you are on your 3rd marriage and your kids are grown and hers are as well. The schedules make the marriage better because you are happy to see each other when you do, the dual income is exceptionally awesome and the free vacation travel is kick-ass.

Regularguy

OK a marriage question on a pilot forum, what will we think of next!

But here’s my answer; pilots or non-pilots, marriage is both wonderful and work no matter what you do to bring home the bacon. Some here talk about others raising your children, frankly almost all couples these days have the same issue. Life isn’t cheap and if you want your home, school, vactions, new cars, TV, internet .... it ain’t cheap for anyone and most of the world has both parents working full time.

Yes pilots travel and are gone for days, but what is worse that or coming home after a 10 hour day with deadlines to meet? In spite of all the hype six figure incomes do not grow on trees and most require very long work weeks.

So should you get married? Your call.

One thing will happen, as it does in all successful/long term marriages, you will both need to make the other one number 1. Sounds good and easy in print, doesn’t it.

Monkeyfly

My advice, never marry a woman who does not understand or respect your career. I’m married to a flight attendant who loves aviation and that prevents a lot of headaches.

Over 25 years, I’ve seen many pilots married to each other. Almost all that had no kids are divorced. All that had kids are still married.

What’s the difference between the two? The still married ones both adjusted their career to benefit their family.

Being in the same base is good. On the same equipment together is great. But mostly giving up advancement for seniority instead is key.

Also that there is someone reliable to help with the kids when schedules don’t work out. A nanny or au pair is NOT someone else raising your kids anymore than having a mother in law or housekeeper help out is. Having that help alone will strengthen your marriage.

If one of you puts career first, you will fail. If both of you put family first, you will succeed.

Airbum

Incredibly difficult, Many of the success stories you hear are from marriages between people who are already well advanced in their flying careers if not already at the majors.

Someone or both will have to defer their career. It is not possible to pay someone who will love your kids like their parents do. Who is going to watch your kids while you both are flying odd schedules?

If you are going to bid opposite schedules why even get married?

j3gibbon

I married my long time girlfriend after being at the airlines for 2 years (we had dated for 8 as I wanted to be sure she could cope with the life style). I have a few friends that married other pilots, one set of professional and no kids, the second set want kids so he gave up full time flying and is working at FAA and University to be home as she was picked up at Delta. I see more FA to pilot second marriages, probably because they understand the industry.

I agree mostly with one of the previous member's statemenet in that marrying a teacher or nurse seems to work out best, they know how to take care of us babies, yet also tell us what to do when we need it.