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While checking in for a 30+ hour layover, I was approached by some drunk MILFs who wanted me to take pictures of them. They then asked for help getting bags to their room. Can't think of a better way to start a long overnight

Also,

Passenger, an older gentleman, frantic with a bit of an attitude, comes off an aircraft I am waiting to take out. I am standing near the podium as he rushes up
Pax: Sir, I have a connection that leaves in 5 minutes! What do I do?!
Me: Wow, 5 minutes? I'd suggest you start running.
Pax: Are you out of your mind!? I can't run!!!
Me: Well, you seem to be walking just fine, right?
Pax: *exasperated* Well, yes!
Me: Then I'd suggest you start walking.

And,

While standing in line at a food court in some airport with my captain.
Pax: Are you guys pilots?
Me: No sir, I'm a doctor.
Captain: And I'm a pool boy.
Don'tcha just love it when, without a word, you are both on the same page?

 

New one for me, older gentleman talking to the gate agent as I'm waiting in line to list for the j/s:

So, what do pilots use for birth control these days?


I briefly thought about smiling, winking and saying whatever you want.

 

Thought of another one...

Flying to EWR one day in the winter and they are getting hit hard with lots of snow and wind. Of course our flight is delayed for hours and I roll up into the terminal to get a cup of coffee and mingle with the agents. When I reach the top of the jetway, a male passenger is at the podium berating these two female agents. He then turns his attention to me and starts yelling louder:
Pax: And you! You're just too scared to fly in the snow! Why won't you just admit that to us instead of blaming it on the weather or ATC!
I start laughing but do my best to stifle it, trying to remain professional.
Me: Sir, I'm curious, what do you do for a living?
Pax: I'm an insurance broker, what's that got to do with anything?!
Me: Oh perfect! So you must have some idea how stupid it would be for someone to get into a semi-truck and go hurtling down the interstate at 140mph in heavy snow and strong crosswinds, right?
Pax: Uhhh...
Me: Because that is exactly what you are proposing we do here with you and your 49 comrades here along for the ride.
Pax: Uhhh...
Me: Unless you have any other questions, I'm going to get a coffee *turning to the agents* Can I get you ladies anything?

The agents loved it. When I got back the guy was sitting back in a corner, fuming into his Blackberry about "the rude staff at this mickey mouse airline".

 

Correct answer..

Mostly we use our personality..

 

I just show chicks my W2. They usually ask to buy ME a drink out of pity!

 

It occurred to me to tell him I just offer to buy them dinner with my food stamps but somehow I don't think he would've made the connection.

 

While standing on a public transit train platform to go to the airport in uniform, a lady comes up to me and asks, "Has the train to the airport come yet?"

 

Passing through JFK in full uniform a lady comes up to me:

lady: Hey! You! Here are my bag take them to the BMW parked just outside
me (dressed in full uniform with my rollerboard): huh?
lady: Don't worry, I'll pay and tip you!
me: Ahhh, lady, I'm not a bag porter, I'm a pilot.
lady: Whatever, just get my bags, I said I'll pay you!!!!
me: Miss- again, I'm a pilot. Those guys standing outside with the luggage carts can help you. Do you also see this crew badge? It says pilot-not bag porter.

She looks at me dumbfounded like I was lying to her. I told my Captain what happened, and he tells me that when he jumpseatrs through JFK he always carries stupid pax bags. Says he makes some good extra money on the side doing it. I thought he was full of it until I saw him in full uniform doing it for a chick that gave him a $50.
Only in aviation!!!!

 

Sitting on a public bus going through the getto on my way to the airport:

Punk - "You a pilot?"
Me - "That's what they tell me."
Punk - "I'm in truck driving school now. Maybe I'll do that next....Yea, A pilot."


While boarding:

Pax: "This sure is a small plane."
FA: "Well lets take your plane then...Oh, you don't have one...Welcome aboard."


While on a DH:

Pax: "So do you want to be a real pilot on day?"
Me (FO): "Well, I am a real pilot."
Pax: "I know. I mean do you hope to land and takeoff one day?"


Talking to a cleaner at the gate after we landed:

Me (FO): "..and the CA window was fogging up so bad he could not see out of
it."
Cleaner: With big eyes "So you had to land?!!"