Marriage problems...
11-02-2006, 10:42 PM
#21
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Jul 2006
Position: BE99 Single Pilot
Posts: 115
Probably shouldn't get married
I am one of the few exceptions that ignored everyone's advice. I got married as a 22 year old pfc in the Marine Corps. I really heard about that. Immediatley after getting married, I deployed overseas for six months. In the following 3 years I spent a little over 13 months with my wife. Then I decided to become a pilot. Talk about ignoring the odds! I am now gone anywhere from 3 to 8 days at a time with absolutely no schedule.
Despite all of this I have been happily married for almost 7 years now. We have 2 children and we argue, but it is wonderful. I think the most important thing is that you share the same religious and personal beliefs. After that everything else can be worked out. This sounds simple but the fact is that few people have moral or religious beliefs to begin with. Not that you don't, just make sure you find someone with whom you agree on th big issues.
I can count on three fingers the number of succesful marriages I have known in these past few years. I know of litteraly dozens more that failed. In six months in Okinawa, 5 of my newlywed Marines recieved dear John letters. Most of those also came with empty bank account statements.
So in short, people like me are the exception. You probably shouldn't get married.
Despite all of this I have been happily married for almost 7 years now. We have 2 children and we argue, but it is wonderful. I think the most important thing is that you share the same religious and personal beliefs. After that everything else can be worked out. This sounds simple but the fact is that few people have moral or religious beliefs to begin with. Not that you don't, just make sure you find someone with whom you agree on th big issues.
I can count on three fingers the number of succesful marriages I have known in these past few years. I know of litteraly dozens more that failed. In six months in Okinawa, 5 of my newlywed Marines recieved dear John letters. Most of those also came with empty bank account statements.
So in short, people like me are the exception. You probably shouldn't get married.
11-02-2006, 11:15 PM
#23
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Thread Starter
Joined APC: Oct 2006
Position: Right Seat... Forever
Posts: 410
Originally Posted by MikeB525
Ok, I'll guess I'll weigh in.
I'm 21 years old and I haven't had any sort of girlfriend in over 4 years. I've also never even french kissed a girl.
I think way too many people in general get married. At very least you need to wait til you become well adjusted in life and have a reasonable career set up. (this goes for ANY career field, not just airline flying). Personally, I don't think I'll ever be capable of having a girlfriend. I'm more of the loner type, I suppose; one of those people married to their work and their hobbies, etc.
I'm 21 years old and I haven't had any sort of girlfriend in over 4 years. I've also never even french kissed a girl.
I think way too many people in general get married. At very least you need to wait til you become well adjusted in life and have a reasonable career set up. (this goes for ANY career field, not just airline flying). Personally, I don't think I'll ever be capable of having a girlfriend. I'm more of the loner type, I suppose; one of those people married to their work and their hobbies, etc.
Last edited by soon2bfo; 11-02-2006 at 11:36 PM.
11-02-2006, 11:26 PM
#24
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Thread Starter
Joined APC: Oct 2006
Position: Right Seat... Forever
Posts: 410
[quote]
I was only saying that most of the people I know in that situation aren't commited enough to the relationship to stick around when something they don't like starts to happen like relocation or low income. Obviously your woman was a rare exception, or you are a real ladies man
I just don't think that it is good to get started that way, you lucked out. It is hard on the people I know, kids and adults, who have people coming in and out of their lives with live-in situations. I'm not trying to be cynical. I'm just trying to avoid big trouble in an important area in my life. Dumping the girl that I referenced to when I was starting out in flying was tough, we were formally engaged and everything, I just don't want to go through a real divorce.
Originally Posted by fosters
I'm a little confused...not sure I completely understand that statement 
!
! I just don't think that it is good to get started that way, you lucked out. It is hard on the people I know, kids and adults, who have people coming in and out of their lives with live-in situations. I'm not trying to be cynical. I'm just trying to avoid big trouble in an important area in my life. Dumping the girl that I referenced to when I was starting out in flying was tough, we were formally engaged and everything, I just don't want to go through a real divorce.
11-02-2006, 11:52 PM
#25
Day puke
Joined APC: Feb 2006
Position: Out.
Posts: 3,865
Someone once said to a female friend, "all those little wierd things he does that you find cute now will be very annoying in six months."
If she has problems BEFORE YOU START, the odds are she will hate you after you follow through with them.
On a personal note: when I was in the navy I got met a girl. I told her we would be moving every 3 years and I would be gone half of the time. She said she could handle it. Our first move after getting married was 3000 miles from her folks. We had just gotten the phone connected when her mother called askeing, "When are you coming home?" It was the beginning of the end.... an end that took another five years.
If she has problems BEFORE YOU START, the odds are she will hate you after you follow through with them.
On a personal note: when I was in the navy I got met a girl. I told her we would be moving every 3 years and I would be gone half of the time. She said she could handle it. Our first move after getting married was 3000 miles from her folks. We had just gotten the phone connected when her mother called askeing, "When are you coming home?" It was the beginning of the end.... an end that took another five years.
11-03-2006, 12:12 AM
#26
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Apr 2006
Position: 737 FO
Posts: 260
Originally Posted by MikeB525
I'm 21 years old and I haven't had any sort of girlfriend in over 4 years. I've also never even french kissed a girl.
By the way, where is Dr. Phil when we need him?
11-03-2006, 04:43 AM
#27
Self Employed.
Joined APC: May 2005
Position: Corporate Pilot
Posts: 7,119
Marrage
Another thing to consider is that being alone and on the road is really no big deal. You spend the night in a lonely hotel room or you spend the night alone in a more lonely studio apartment. Once you get married and there is someone you love at home with your cute tiny little children it can ruin your peaceful time away.
In addition a wife and family can make it more difficult financially as well. A single guy could fair well on 30K even in most big cities with a family in tow it gets spent fast.
By far the best plan for one dreaming of a life as an airline pilot is to leave all matrimony and relationships to the 9 to 5 stooges. Girlfriends, wives and children just muddy up the waters.
SkyHigh
In addition a wife and family can make it more difficult financially as well. A single guy could fair well on 30K even in most big cities with a family in tow it gets spent fast.
By far the best plan for one dreaming of a life as an airline pilot is to leave all matrimony and relationships to the 9 to 5 stooges. Girlfriends, wives and children just muddy up the waters.
SkyHigh
11-03-2006, 05:17 AM
#28
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Joined APC: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,425
Originally Posted by soon2bfo
I was only saying that most of the people I know in that situation aren't commited enough to the relationship to stick around when something they don't like starts to happen like relocation or low income. ... I'm just trying to avoid big trouble in an important area in my life
11-03-2006, 05:55 AM
#29
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Joined APC: Sep 2006
Position: Q400 survivor
Posts: 537
Originally Posted by soon2bfo
Thanks for all of your input. I had another girlfriend at the beginning of flight training that wasn't too big on the idea, so she got the shaft sts after a while. My current one is just not looking forward to a cold bed half of the time.
it's calmed my wife down a little
11-03-2006, 06:15 AM
#30
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,242
Originally Posted by vagabond
Looks like you answered your own question. If she fades away, you will not have a wife to worry about and you can get on the roller coaster and ride to your heart's content.
Do you love her? Does she love you? The beginning of married life is difficult for most people, but if the commitment is there, you can both help each other overcome almost anything. FWIW, one of my closest friends is an airline pilot. His wife never worked in the nearly 30 years they have been married. They somehow "survived" his tough years as an FO, and she is now relishing life as a captain's wife.
Do you love her? Does she love you? The beginning of married life is difficult for most people, but if the commitment is there, you can both help each other overcome almost anything. FWIW, one of my closest friends is an airline pilot. His wife never worked in the nearly 30 years they have been married. They somehow "survived" his tough years as an FO, and she is now relishing life as a captain's wife.
-LAFF
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