Marriage problems...
11-03-2006, 06:59 AM
#32
Happy to be here
Joined APC: Jun 2006
Position: A-320A
Posts: 18,563
I have to say that marriage is great. I have been doing the flying thing long before I met my wife. When we met I was at a desk job and home every night. When I went back to flying she cried. She knew it was going to happen, but she was not happy about it. That was over three years ago.
She still does not like me gone, but there are some real positives for her. One, she gets her space from me. She says that she does not need it, but the truth is that she does. I do to. I can get it in a hotel room. When I am off my time is her time. If you are always wanting to go out with the guys, it will never work. Understand that your better half sees it as you having fun while you are flying. They will never get it. If you can devote the majority of you time at home to her, you will have half a chance. That is what we do and it had been working great. She is my best friend and greatest champion. We respect each other and the one thing that she would never do it ask me to tun my back on a job that I love.
She still does not like me gone, but there are some real positives for her. One, she gets her space from me. She says that she does not need it, but the truth is that she does. I do to. I can get it in a hotel room. When I am off my time is her time. If you are always wanting to go out with the guys, it will never work. Understand that your better half sees it as you having fun while you are flying. They will never get it. If you can devote the majority of you time at home to her, you will have half a chance. That is what we do and it had been working great. She is my best friend and greatest champion. We respect each other and the one thing that she would never do it ask me to tun my back on a job that I love.
11-03-2006, 06:59 AM
#33
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: 737 Captain
Posts: 777
One way to reduce stress in any marriage is to make the commitment not to commute. I didn't follow my own advice and it has been stressful. Make sure you marry someone who can be happy independent of you. This "when hubby comes home everything will be allright" stuff will never work. If you are both happy when you are away, you will both be happy when you come home. Some ideas:
1. Leave her a to-do list so that when you get home all the stuff you would of had to do is already done, that leaves more drinking time with the guys.
2. Buy her gifts that are useful like a lawnmower, pool table or somethng thoughtful like a new table saw.
3. Get her an annual bus pass so that when you are gone she will have some way around town.
4. Set up separate checking accounts and always have at least 5 percent of your wages deposited directly into her account. That way, she will never be out of money.
5. On your anniversary, ask the flight attendant if you can have two first class entrees (to go) and take them home. The little woman will thank you for not having to cook.
5. Buy her the automatic dishwashing liguid, rather than have her wash them by hand.
6. For every shirt she washes and irons, reward her with a trip to the thrift store and buy her something nice.
You see, it is the little things in a relationship that determine who makes it and who doesn't. She will quickly adapt to living large as the wife of a big time airline pilot.
1. Leave her a to-do list so that when you get home all the stuff you would of had to do is already done, that leaves more drinking time with the guys.
2. Buy her gifts that are useful like a lawnmower, pool table or somethng thoughtful like a new table saw.
3. Get her an annual bus pass so that when you are gone she will have some way around town.
4. Set up separate checking accounts and always have at least 5 percent of your wages deposited directly into her account. That way, she will never be out of money.
5. On your anniversary, ask the flight attendant if you can have two first class entrees (to go) and take them home. The little woman will thank you for not having to cook.
5. Buy her the automatic dishwashing liguid, rather than have her wash them by hand.
6. For every shirt she washes and irons, reward her with a trip to the thrift store and buy her something nice.
You see, it is the little things in a relationship that determine who makes it and who doesn't. She will quickly adapt to living large as the wife of a big time airline pilot.
11-03-2006, 07:41 AM
#35
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Mar 2006
Position: FO - 757/767
Posts: 1,228
Originally Posted by soon2bfo
So... I am not married and planning to embark on an aviation career within the year. My parents both are worried that I will never get married (which to them would be more tragic than death) and I would like to be married sooner rather than later. What can I do now to plan better and what should I realistically expect as a schedule for the first years of flying? I have people who tell me they are home all the time, and people whose wives are telling them to decide between the aircraft and their family. It seems that marriage problems are unavoidable in the future for any married pilot. What have you guys done to make it work?
11-03-2006, 07:42 AM
#36
Gets Weekends Off
Thread Starter
Joined APC: Oct 2006
Position: Right Seat... Forever
Posts: 410
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Sounds like you are a really sensitive guy... nice. The "Everything will be alright when hubby comes home" is a lot of what goes wrong when I'm dating girls. They always seem to wander into that trap. I'm a big guy so maybe I attract that kind of girl, where the independent type would see me as an obstacle in their evil plans to get my wallet and control everything else. The only girls who seem to really warm up to the pilot gig are the ones you see with all of the credit card statements in their appartment, and the posters of movie stars on their bedroom doors. Frankly the kind of girls who are really fun to date but would blow through first year pay on a weekend (although that wouldn't be hard to do... you get the idea).
Originally Posted by calcapt
One way to reduce stress in any marriage is to make the commitment not to commute. I didn't follow my own advice and it has been stressful. Make sure you marry someone who can be happy independent of you. This "when hubby comes home everything will be allright" stuff will never work. If you are both happy when you are away, you will both be happy when you come home. Some ideas:
1. Leave her a to-do list so that when you get home all the stuff you would of had to do is already done, that leaves more drinking time with the guys.
2. Buy her gifts that are useful like a lawnmower, pool table or somethng thoughtful like a new table saw.
3. Get her an annual bus pass so that when you are gone she will have some way around town.
4. Set up separate checking accounts and always have at least 5 percent of your wages deposited directly into her account. That way, she will never be out of money.
5. On your anniversary, ask the flight attendant if you can have two first class entrees (to go) and take them home. The little woman will thank you for not having to cook.
5. Buy her the automatic dishwashing liguid, rather than have her wash them by hand.
6. For every shirt she washes and irons, reward her with a trip to the thrift store and buy her something nice.
You see, it is the little things in a relationship that determine who makes it and who doesn't. She will quickly adapt to living large as the wife of a big time airline pilot.
1. Leave her a to-do list so that when you get home all the stuff you would of had to do is already done, that leaves more drinking time with the guys.
2. Buy her gifts that are useful like a lawnmower, pool table or somethng thoughtful like a new table saw.
3. Get her an annual bus pass so that when you are gone she will have some way around town.
4. Set up separate checking accounts and always have at least 5 percent of your wages deposited directly into her account. That way, she will never be out of money.
5. On your anniversary, ask the flight attendant if you can have two first class entrees (to go) and take them home. The little woman will thank you for not having to cook.
5. Buy her the automatic dishwashing liguid, rather than have her wash them by hand.
6. For every shirt she washes and irons, reward her with a trip to the thrift store and buy her something nice.
You see, it is the little things in a relationship that determine who makes it and who doesn't. She will quickly adapt to living large as the wife of a big time airline pilot.
11-03-2006, 07:44 AM
#37
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Mar 2006
Position: FO - 757/767
Posts: 1,228
Originally Posted by favila008
Great Post, I agree with you and think that no one should marry before they are 30. Our 20's are our best years, let's no ruin them by being stuck with someone. Especially not during the starting years at a regional.
11-03-2006, 07:55 AM
#38
Gets Weekends Off
Thread Starter
Joined APC: Oct 2006
Position: Right Seat... Forever
Posts: 410
Originally Posted by HotMamaPilot
Are you a chick? Just curious because most guys don't think like that. Who cares what stats(or skyhigh) says. If you're meant to be...you're meant to be. You cannot plan for $hit like that
I think my credability is fading away with this thread... I just think I'm through with dating and want to settle down. I'm getting close to starting my career so maybe the stress of moving wherever I get the job and the idea of being without my buddy network is making me want take her with.
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