Marriage problems...
11-02-2006, 05:50 PM
#1
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Marriage problems...
So... I am not married and planning to embark on an aviation career within the year. My parents both are worried that I will never get married (which to them would be more tragic than death) and I would like to be married sooner rather than later. What can I do now to plan better and what should I realistically expect as a schedule for the first years of flying? I have people who tell me they are home all the time, and people whose wives are telling them to decide between the aircraft and their family. It seems that marriage problems are unavoidable in the future for any married pilot. What have you guys done to make it work?
11-02-2006, 05:56 PM
#2
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Originally Posted by soon2bfo
So... I am not married and planning to embark on an aviation career within the year. My parents both are worried that I will never get married (which to them would be more tragic than death) and I would like to be married sooner rather than later. What can I do now to plan better and what should I realistically expect as a schedule for the first years of flying? I have people who tell me they are home all the time, and people whose wives are telling them to decide between the aircraft and their family. It seems that marriage problems are unavoidable in the future for any married pilot. What have you guys done to make it work?
SkyHigh
11-02-2006, 06:14 PM
#4
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Okay spitfire1500 the parents smoke screen didn't work all that well... My question is: can you make it work? And what will the schedule be realistically at home for the first couple of years. She doesn't like the airline idea too well. All I have ever wanted to do is fly so at this point she can come along or fade into the sunset but not flying is not an option.
11-02-2006, 06:22 PM
#5
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Posts: 2,242
Sounds like the two of you have already made you decisions.
Be a gentleman and break-up with her after X-mas. This way she won't be alone or have to tell family / friends during the holidays.
Good luck...
One more thing - break up early in the week...This way you won't ruin her weekend...
-LAFF
Be a gentleman and break-up with her after X-mas. This way she won't be alone or have to tell family / friends during the holidays.
Good luck...
One more thing - break up early in the week...This way you won't ruin her weekend...
-LAFF
11-02-2006, 06:35 PM
#6
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Posts: 8,024
Looks like you answered your own question. If she fades away, you will not have a wife to worry about and you can get on the roller coaster and ride to your heart's content.
Do you love her? Does she love you? The beginning of married life is difficult for most people, but if the commitment is there, you can both help each other overcome almost anything. FWIW, one of my closest friends is an airline pilot. His wife never worked in the nearly 30 years they have been married. They somehow "survived" his tough years as an FO, and she is now relishing life as a captain's wife.
Do you love her? Does she love you? The beginning of married life is difficult for most people, but if the commitment is there, you can both help each other overcome almost anything. FWIW, one of my closest friends is an airline pilot. His wife never worked in the nearly 30 years they have been married. They somehow "survived" his tough years as an FO, and she is now relishing life as a captain's wife.
11-02-2006, 06:45 PM
#7
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LAFF,
I tend to think delivering bad news toward the end of the week is better so that they can use the weekend to drown their sorrows in tequila or some other form of alcohol. But I do agree with you on the after the holidays tip.
Soon2BFO,
She's either on board or she's not. If you got to force it, I think we all know what will happen when the music stops. Better to end it now and walk away with your tiny pay checks as FO than to see half that tiny pay check go to her on a monthly basis. Life's tough...marriage just doesn't stand a chance in this day and age...then you add aviation to it? Welp...some can make it work...but you sure got to be pretty damn lucky!
I tend to think delivering bad news toward the end of the week is better so that they can use the weekend to drown their sorrows in tequila or some other form of alcohol. But I do agree with you on the after the holidays tip.
Soon2BFO,
She's either on board or she's not. If you got to force it, I think we all know what will happen when the music stops. Better to end it now and walk away with your tiny pay checks as FO than to see half that tiny pay check go to her on a monthly basis. Life's tough...marriage just doesn't stand a chance in this day and age...then you add aviation to it? Welp...some can make it work...but you sure got to be pretty damn lucky!
11-02-2006, 06:46 PM
#8
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If she doesn't like your career before it's already started then she's going to hate it once it does. Like everyone else said, sounds like your choice has already been made. While marriage is nowhere near my horizon right now, just being in the business has shown me that it's going to take a girl who is pretty trusting and doesn't mind being away from you AT LEAST half the month. After you accrue some seniority it MIGHT get better, but that's no guarentee. Good luck.
Keep in mind it's your life and not your parents. You gotta do what's right for you.
Keep in mind it's your life and not your parents. You gotta do what's right for you.
11-02-2006, 06:47 PM
#9
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Originally Posted by soon2bfo
Okay spitfire1500 the parents smoke screen didn't work all that well... My question is: can you make it work? And what will the schedule be realistically at home for the first couple of years. She doesn't like the airline idea too well. All I have ever wanted to do is fly so at this point she can come along or fade into the sunset but not flying is not an option.
Not much of a smoke screen after you picked that avatar.
11-02-2006, 07:07 PM
#10
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Posts: 273
you guys are a little too gloomy for me....
I think marriage just like friendship is a give/take situation. You give some, you take some, and it works in both directions.
A good foundation for marriage is having your cards on the table and explaining yourself. This guy once told me that women are like control towers.... if you say your intentions, while they may not like it, alot of the times they'll suffice with a big and very SKEPTIC 'Roooooger'. Say your intentions, be clear, relay your thoughts and your feelings in a candid way and explain what you'd like to do, and where it is you'd like to get to. Realize though, that you're not gonna be able to 'have it all'....
For instance.... she can put up with your first couple years as an FO in a regional and then become happier as you make it to captain. Then comes a really good offer, flying FO on a 742, with 15/13 schedule.... maybe that'll be the point where you'll have to give some and give it up for the sake of keeping her smiling.... wait till another offer comes along.
That was just a stupid example of application. Applying aviation terms to a relationship. Just be clear, honest and realize that if you lay it all ahead of time, she might very well be your driving force, or in your case your JET-A fuel for your career, ambitions and motivation when times get rough.
Happy flying, keep it real.
-schone
A good foundation for marriage is having your cards on the table and explaining yourself. This guy once told me that women are like control towers.... if you say your intentions, while they may not like it, alot of the times they'll suffice with a big and very SKEPTIC 'Roooooger'. Say your intentions, be clear, relay your thoughts and your feelings in a candid way and explain what you'd like to do, and where it is you'd like to get to. Realize though, that you're not gonna be able to 'have it all'....
For instance.... she can put up with your first couple years as an FO in a regional and then become happier as you make it to captain. Then comes a really good offer, flying FO on a 742, with 15/13 schedule.... maybe that'll be the point where you'll have to give some and give it up for the sake of keeping her smiling.... wait till another offer comes along.
That was just a stupid example of application. Applying aviation terms to a relationship. Just be clear, honest and realize that if you lay it all ahead of time, she might very well be your driving force, or in your case your JET-A fuel for your career, ambitions and motivation when times get rough.
Happy flying, keep it real.
-schone
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