TI 3VOM

Washington

I would stay away from court at all costs! It really isn't the right way to go, but sometimes there is no other option. When it comes down to it, the arrangement needs to be in the best interest of the child. While pilot schedules usually wont allow for 'stable' and predictable schedules (which most courts say is what is best for any child), keeping any parent from the child is also not the right solution.

Try for a flexible parenting plan that has your visitation fall on your days off, what ever that may be for the month. It doesn't have to be set specific days (like state every other weekend). There are ways to word it which essentially says you are allowed visitation any day you are off not to exceed 15 days a month (if you want 50/50) and the other parent needs to accommodate those days based on your schedule, especially if she is not working. Since she is living with her parents and in school, she should be able to be more flexible on the days for you. If you went to court, I seriously doubt any judge would deny all rights and visitation simply on the fact you can't get weekends off. That is no where near in the best interest of the child. Good luck!

SuperPilotWife

I am a paralegal (and a pilot, but didn't pursue an aviation career due to marrying a pilot and starting a family). I'm in California so not familiar with Washington laws but I believe "the best interests of the child" are the standard in every state. Is your attorney a Family Law Specialist? Have you attended mandatory mediation? Is your County a "recommending County"? (That means that the Mediator makes a recommendation and it is adopted by the Judge.)Usually the Judge's Temporary Order becomes the Final Order unless there is a change of circumstances or some compelling argument. And once an Order is made there must be a change of circumstances in order to change it, at least in California. I don't understand the Judge's decision. You should not be penalized by your employment and should be granted a timeshare close to a 50/50 arrangement . In California, you can have a caretaker for your child during your "visitation" and are not penalized by your employment or the fact that you are working (with your ex having the first right of refusal for childcare during the time you are not available to your son...but it still counts as your time, if that makes sense.) If I were you, I would seek "Joint Legal" and "Joint Physical" custody.

It is also the right of the child to be supported by both parents, so child support is based on each parent's "ability to earn". That means if your ex is unemployed, he will still have a wage attributed to him, even if it is merely minimum wage. That obligation accrues until he becomes employed and is then able to make payments.

I'm sorry you for the stress you are facing. Custody battles are not fun, especially with an uncooperative co-parent. A great Family Law Specialist attorney and a good judge are your friends. I wish you the best.

Direct2

Well my situation seems to be penalizing because I am a pilot. My wife left the marriage after being with another man. My mediation was a joke, the wife wanted EVERYTHING including spousal support which Texas does not give. I have not heard of "recommending county" so I guess it is not. I know that everything discussed in mediation is not able to be heard by the judge. My lawyer seems to have better things to do than work on my case. No returned phone calls or emails. We got slaughtered in temporary orders hearing. I am not only fighting the wife but her family as well. Since she lives with them now everyone seems to think that it is in the best interest of my child to pull Dad out of the picture since I don't have a stable predictable schedule. The wife has no incentive to come to any reasonable agreement because if she does nothing standard gets put in place. This was not an abusive marriage, nor did I cheat on her, I don't know why I am getting this treatment. I figured if she wanted to date other people and not work on our marriage this would be what she wanted.

I am afraid that our temporary orders will be finalized and that just cannot stand.

As far as staying away from court, we are still in the punitive punishment of the soon to be ex husband. I put an offer that included spousal support during mediation and she didn't take it. Nor could we agree on the following pick up and drop off dates. Court seems to be inevitable.

TI 3VOM

The only reason I am going to court is because of my sons father's say in child care. We had an agreed upon final parenting plan that states 50/50 visitation with me as the primary parent and joint decision making on child care. He feels that our son should never go to any child care under any circumstances, and will not approve any of the preschools I have found. He has no problem letting me have full custody, with him only visitation on the weekends, if I do not work. This of course is not an option for me. Since he has been on L&I and unemployment for the last 4 years, and his parents are both retired, him and his parents want to be able to provide all child care. The issue now is we live 50 miles apart now, so I can not just drop off my son with him every morning. In order for me to have my son during the week, I would have to put him in a preschool for 6-8 hours a day. To my sons father, this is not acceptable. I have no idea what he is going to do in 2 years when our son starts kindergarten.

I do have a family law attorney, who has been very helpful. We are seeking joint visitation and joint custody, with the requirement from him that he is flexible on the days due to my schedule and his unwillingness to have a job. Also, that he has first right to provide the child care, if he can provide transportation both ways during my weeks.

Direct2

Any other pilots out their who got custody of their children? I am dealing with a wife and mother-in-law who are out to destroy me, my relationship with my son and my profession.

Anyone?

Droopy

Direct2: Having gone through this myself and reading what you're saying, my best advice is fire your attorney and hire the best Family Law attorney you can find. There has been a lot of good advice on workable visitation schedules, etc. Your soon to be ex seems to want to fight. You need to be the cooler head and remember this is about making a bad situation as good as you can for the KIDS. (which you seem to be doing) However, this sometimes means making sure you are properly represented...

Droopy

Direct2

I have heard tons about the cooler head but as of now it has done nothing but get me run over in my case. I don't get to see my child much at all anymore. Believe me its not for a lack of trying! Court has not issued orders because of my job and the lawyers need to come up with something to accommodate my schedule. Since the wife doesn't want to come up with something she just keeps my son. I don't even get standard visitation.

Freight Dog

Many of you going through a divorce will be dealing with a vindictive ex. I dealt with one who was hell-bent on erasing me from our son's life. If that's you, you need to be ready. I blog about this common form of child abuse at Brainwashing Children.

As others have posted, make sure you get a variable possession order or Airline Pilot Possession Order through your family court, as an arrangement that works for a 9-to-5 career will not work for ours...

BeechComber

I am about to start the process of separating and divorcing my wife of 1 1/2 years. She is a part-time student with a part-time job. We also own a home together in FL. There are no children or pets involved. Does anyone have advice on where I should start. I am hoping for a "quickie" but god only knows what I'm in for. Thanks in advance.