Best Jokes
12-21-2008, 12:47 AM
#61
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Aug 2006
Position: Mostly Herks. Soon to be Guppys and FRED
Posts: 280
Originally Posted by Airfix
Q: What separates drunks and hookers?
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A: The flightdeck door
Anybody got any other industry standard jokes?
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A: The flightdeck door
Anybody got any other industry standard jokes?
What does a pilot smell like after sex?
Mace
12-21-2008, 12:50 PM
#65
With The Resistance
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: Burning the Agitprop of the Apparat
Posts: 6,191
Be careful when shopping at Home Depot. This is a "heads up" for men who may be regular Home Depot customers like me.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you, or to your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two very hot 20 something girls come over to your car or truck in the parking lot as you are unloading your shopping cart into your trunk or the bed of your pickup truck. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say, “No”, and instead they ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. Of course you agree, and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing in your car or the cab of your truck. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen on November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 11th, 12th, 19th, 20th, and 30th. Also on December 1st and 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, three times this Saturday and very likely again this week.
So tell your friends to be careful.
P.S. Wal Mart has wallets on sale for $1.99 each
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you, or to your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two very hot 20 something girls come over to your car or truck in the parking lot as you are unloading your shopping cart into your trunk or the bed of your pickup truck. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say, “No”, and instead they ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. Of course you agree, and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing in your car or the cab of your truck. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen on November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 11th, 12th, 19th, 20th, and 30th. Also on December 1st and 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, three times this Saturday and very likely again this week.
So tell your friends to be careful.
P.S. Wal Mart has wallets on sale for $1.99 each
12-22-2008, 09:33 AM
#66
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Dec 2007
Position: Student Pilot
Posts: 409
Originally Posted by jungle
Be careful when shopping at Home Depot. This is a "heads up" for men who may be regular Home Depot customers like me.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you, or to your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two very hot 20 something girls come over to your car or truck in the parking lot as you are unloading your shopping cart into your trunk or the bed of your pickup truck. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say, “No”, and instead they ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. Of course you agree, and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing in your car or the cab of your truck. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen on November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 11th, 12th, 19th, 20th, and 30th. Also on December 1st and 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, three times this Saturday and very likely again this week.
So tell your friends to be careful.
P.S. Wal Mart has wallets on sale for $1.99 each
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you, or to your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two very hot 20 something girls come over to your car or truck in the parking lot as you are unloading your shopping cart into your trunk or the bed of your pickup truck. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say, “No”, and instead they ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. Of course you agree, and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing in your car or the cab of your truck. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen on November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 11th, 12th, 19th, 20th, and 30th. Also on December 1st and 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, three times this Saturday and very likely again this week.
So tell your friends to be careful.
P.S. Wal Mart has wallets on sale for $1.99 each
This is the best yet... I love it. Simply priceless... I am heading to Home Depot with my shiny new wallet!
12-22-2008, 10:18 AM
#67
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Feb 2008
Position: FO
Posts: 214
A guy walks into a bar, a few stools away from him he sees a disheveled looking fellow so he asks the bartender "what's up with that guy, is he homeless?" The bartender says "oh no, he's a pilot." The guy says "he doesn't look like a pilot, how do you know?" The bartender says "about every ten minutes he looks up and says 'was that for us?'"
12-25-2008, 08:09 AM
#69
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Aug 2007
Position: C172 Left
Posts: 642
I feel terrible for posting this on Christmas, but it's too good not to share:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
12-25-2008, 09:34 AM
#70
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Oct 2006
Position: pǝʇɹǝʌuı
Posts: 228
After a long flight the captain comes over the PA and let's the passengers know they expect to arrive shortly. After completing his address he forgets to turn off the PA and continues to banter with the FO as he had done before. Several words into the conversation the captain states that he "could really use a beer and a blowjob right now". Realizing the captain has made a mistake and left the PA on the lead FA runs to the cockpit door to tell the captain that he left the PA on. As she gets closer to the door a passenger yells to her "You forgot the beer!"
