Best Jokes
12-07-2008 | 05:42 PM
#32
Line Holder
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 89
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Best joke to play on New FAs is to call them up in flight (towards the end) and tell them that the company just sent you a message stating that the apple juice on board may be contaminated. They need you to pour 8 ounces in a glass and it needs to be handed to the gate agent as soon as the cabin door is opened so it can be sent to the "airport medical lab?" (or make up some big words up with lab at the end) for testing. Gate agent will think it's urine and you'll get a good laugh. Works every time as long as they are all new.
12-07-2008 | 05:50 PM
#33
Line Holder
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 89
Likes: 0
How does an FA get a pension? She marries a pilot.
How does an FA double her pension? Divorces him
What does an FA do to keep from feeling grumpy in the morning? Dumps him at the airport.
How do you know your date is a pilot? He'll tell you.
How do you know your date with a pilot is half over? He says, "Enough about me, let's talk about airplanes."
Did you hear about the new "honest" seating labels on (insert airline here)? First class, third world, and steerage.
What do you do if Tempelhof tower yells at you for missing the taxiway and inquires whether you've ever been there? Say, "Yeah, in '45, but it was a different Boeing and I didn't have to stop."
What's the 3 letter acronym for the dumbest guy at the airline? CEO!
What's long, hard, and filled with seamen? A navy charter. (Tell it out loud. My apologies if this is too off color.)
How does an FA double her pension? Divorces him
What does an FA do to keep from feeling grumpy in the morning? Dumps him at the airport.
How do you know your date is a pilot? He'll tell you.
How do you know your date with a pilot is half over? He says, "Enough about me, let's talk about airplanes."
Did you hear about the new "honest" seating labels on (insert airline here)? First class, third world, and steerage.
What do you do if Tempelhof tower yells at you for missing the taxiway and inquires whether you've ever been there? Say, "Yeah, in '45, but it was a different Boeing and I didn't have to stop."
What's the 3 letter acronym for the dumbest guy at the airline? CEO!
What's long, hard, and filled with seamen? A navy charter. (Tell it out loud. My apologies if this is too off color.)
12-07-2008 | 07:08 PM
#34
Gets Weekends Off
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 407
Likes: 0
From: Enjoying the view
I thought of this when my company decided to make quota by "randomly" testing me at the end of every trip. After the third time, I had my FA give me a cup of half hot water, half apple juice ("I'll explain later"). I hopped onto the jetway, and said, "You must be here for me again, I'm late for my commute, here ya go," and thrust the cup at the drug test lady. She recoiled in horror, and said, "No, I'm after your FA." So, thinking quickly, I said, "Oh, I saw this on Discovery Channel," and drank it. I thought she was gonna die.
12-08-2008 | 06:49 AM
#36
Weekends off? HA!
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 991
Likes: 0
Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another. "I think not," he says and vanishes.
Ok,not pilot-related,but he was in a bar...
anyway--
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona.
It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep. "
From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"
Ok,not pilot-related,but he was in a bar...
anyway--
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona.
It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep. "
From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"
Last edited by alarkyokie; 12-08-2008 at 08:53 AM.
12-08-2008 | 06:33 PM
#37
Gets Weekends Off
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 119
Likes: 0
One day the top brass at the Pentagon decided that they needed to trim their budget, and the best way to do this would be to get rid of some of their generals. They came up with a plan to encourage some generals to take an early retirement by offering them 1000 dollars for every inch between any two of their body parts, plus their normal pension. So the first candidate, an Army general, walks into the office and says "measure from the top of my head to the tip of my toes." The young officer who was assigned this job measures the general, comes up with 72 inches, and says "here's 72 thousand dollars, sir, enjoy your retirement!" Next, an Air Force general walks in, sticks his hands straight up into the air, and announces "measure from the tips of my fingers to the tips of my toes." They come up with 90 inches, and the young officer says "here's 90 thousand dollars, sir, enjoy your retirement!" Finally, a Marine Corp general struts in and says " measure from the tip of my pen!$ to my testicles!" The young officer replies "not for nothing, sir, but you could probably do a lot better than that. For example, other generals had us measure from their head to their toes." "You heard me son!" responds the general, "measure from the tip of my pen!$ to my testicles!" "OK, but we had better get the medical officer in here for this" responds the young officer. So the doctor walks in with his tape measure and the general pulls down his pants. Then the doctor blurts out "my God, general, where are your testicles?!!!" The general exclaims "they're over in Vietnam!!!"
12-12-2008 | 11:26 AM
#38
Weekends off? HA!
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 991
Likes: 0
Last edited by alarkyokie; 12-12-2008 at 11:52 AM.
