Best Jokes
12-05-2008, 03:04 PM
#13
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Thread Starter
Joined APC: Nov 2008
Position: Run's one company
Posts: 27
A young lady was conducting a study in to human sexual behavior. She came to the conclusion that the best place to find participants for the survey would be the airport.
After three hours of questioning passengers, she sees a pilot walking to his gate. Having heard of the reputation of pilots she stops him "Excuse me, Captain" she says, "I am doing a survey on human sexuality. . . I was wondering if you could answer a few questions. . . "
The pilot agrees, and the young lady starts questioning him. After three questions, she asks him ". . . and when was the last time you had sex?".
Straight away the Captain replies "1959".
The girl was shocked. She looks at the captain and asks "1959 isn't that a long time ago?".
"Oh" the pilot replies "I guess so. . . but it's only 2015 now. . . "
After three hours of questioning passengers, she sees a pilot walking to his gate. Having heard of the reputation of pilots she stops him "Excuse me, Captain" she says, "I am doing a survey on human sexuality. . . I was wondering if you could answer a few questions. . . "
The pilot agrees, and the young lady starts questioning him. After three questions, she asks him ". . . and when was the last time you had sex?".
Straight away the Captain replies "1959".
The girl was shocked. She looks at the captain and asks "1959 isn't that a long time ago?".
"Oh" the pilot replies "I guess so. . . but it's only 2015 now. . . "
12-05-2008, 06:12 PM
#14
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Feb 2008
Posts: 119
One evening this Texan walks into a bar and announces to the crowd "my wife just gave birth to the biggest baby boy in all of Texas!". "How much does he weigh?" they asked. "Twenty pounds!" replied the Texan, and he proceeded to buy a round of drinks for everyone in the bar. Three weeks later the Texan walked into the same bar and he looked a little upset. The same crowd happened to be there and they asked "how's your baby boy now?" "OK, I guess" replied the Texan. "How much does he weigh now?" they asked. "Fifteen pounds" replied the Texan. "Fifteen pounds, how could that be?!!!" they exclaimed, "he weighed twenty pounds when he was born!" "Yea, but we had him circumcised" replied the Texan.
12-05-2008, 08:22 PM
#15
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Feb 2006
Position: 767A (Ret)
Posts: 6,248
Got another one
A pilot is walking past the corporate headquarters of Acme Airlines, which is surrounded by a high board fence. From behind it he hears laughter, cheering, and shouts of "Thirteen! Thirteen!". Curious, he stoops to look through a knothole, and is immediately finger-poked in the eye. As he staggers back, he hears shouts of "Fourteen! Fourteen!".
12-06-2008, 06:28 AM
#16
I'm a man of my word.
Joined APC: Jul 2008
Position: Devil's Advocate
Posts: 2,883
Originally Posted by Droog
One evening this Texan walks into a bar and announces to the crowd "my wife just gave birth to the biggest baby boy in all of Texas!". "How much does he weigh?" they asked. "Twenty pounds!" replied the Texan, and he proceeded to buy a round of drinks for everyone in the bar. Three weeks later the Texan walked into the same bar and he looked a little upset. The same crowd happened to be there and they asked "how's your baby boy now?" "OK, I guess" replied the Texan. "How much does he weigh now?" they asked. "Fifteen pounds" replied the Texan. "Fifteen pounds, how could that be?!!!" they exclaimed, "he weighed twenty pounds when he was born!" "Yea, but we had him circumcised" replied the Texan.
Trust me, I'm a Texan.
12-06-2008, 06:42 AM
#17
I'm a man of my word.
Joined APC: Jul 2008
Position: Devil's Advocate
Posts: 2,883
Four guys (plus the pilot) are on a private jet crossing the North Atlantic, a Brit, a Frenchman, a Texan, and a Mexican. Suddenly, one of the engines fails and the pilot scrambles to get control of the aircraft. Once he has it under control, he turns to the four men and says, "Listen guys, we have problem. The only way we will make it to terra firma is if three of you bail out. I'm sorry, but that's the only way."
The four men sit in silence for a few minutes. Eventually, the Brit stands up, walks to the door, opens it up, looks back at the other men, says, "Long live the Queen!" and jumps out.
After a minute or two more, the Frenchman stands up, walks to the door, looks back at the other two men, says, "Viva la France!" and jumps out.
Finally, the Texan stands up, walks over to the Mexican, picks him up, drags him to the door, and as he throws him out the door, hollers, "Remember the Alamo!"
The four men sit in silence for a few minutes. Eventually, the Brit stands up, walks to the door, opens it up, looks back at the other men, says, "Long live the Queen!" and jumps out.
After a minute or two more, the Frenchman stands up, walks to the door, looks back at the other two men, says, "Viva la France!" and jumps out.
Finally, the Texan stands up, walks over to the Mexican, picks him up, drags him to the door, and as he throws him out the door, hollers, "Remember the Alamo!"
Last edited by CaptainCarl; 12-06-2008 at 07:33 PM.
12-06-2008, 12:36 PM
#18
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Joined APC: Nov 2008
Position: Run's one company
Posts: 27
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head st ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat.
The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica. "
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head st ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat.
The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica. "
12-06-2008, 12:57 PM
#19
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Jul 2007
Position: FDX 767 FO
Posts: 817
Originally Posted by ChickandTricks
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head st ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat.
The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica. "
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head st ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat.
The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica. "
Originally Posted by MarioWife
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head st ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat.
The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica. "
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head st ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat.
The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica. "
Wow...exact same post...right down to the typos.
12-06-2008, 02:14 PM
#20
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Apr 2007
Position: Dream within a dream
Posts: 1,306
Originally Posted by MarioWife
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head st ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat.
The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica. "
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. "
The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head st ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat.
The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica. "
