You know exactly where the good eating places are at every airport as soon as you look at your trip.

You also know how to get to every good eating place and how to walk there at every layover.

You ALSO know the best places in every airport to take a dump.

Some of these are more for the Regional guys...

Your wife makes more money than you without a college education.

You're single, 38, and you still live with your parents because you need to pay off your student loans.

You think every pilot that doesn't work at your company is an idiot and is ruining the industry.

You think $9 for a meal is outrageous.

You're embarrassed to tell your CPA how much money you make.

If you're working for a payrate that wasn't even competitive in 2003 and you have at least another 3 years before a new payrate will be negotiated and your position's payrate increases ended after 4 years.

And just like Oliver who asked for MORE? your CEO smacks you in your face with his rubber _ _ _ _ _ .

You do your normal "walk-around" -find something out of tolerance and a grumpy mechanic comes out and sarcastically asks if you're doing a "D check".

If you know where the microwave is located in every airport and hotel.

If you look like a human tractor-trailer walking through the airport.

If you fall off the top bunk in your crash pad.

You get totally bummed out when the air traffic controller with the cute voice doesn't respond to your "have a nice day" when you get handed off.

You know all the places to buy a meal for under $5 in the Atlanta (or other hub) airport.

(for RJ pilots) You know that the seat cushion from another row can be pulled off and placed in the isle between rows and fits exactly snug to make one complete row to make a bed for napping between flights.

You thank God every day that you don't have the job of a flight attandant or gate agent.

The proudest moment of your life was walking a brand new Purdy Neat Stuff rollaboard down the aisle. You still get a little emotional thinking about it.

You can play "picture poker" with flight attendants: they put down one cat, you put down a picture of yourself in front of an airplane. Last one to run out gets the last seat home.


And you know you're an "extra-special" pilot when:

-You think epaulets on leather is the epitomy of fashion.

-You have a spare pilot hat: one for the cleaners, one for the road.

-You can use the word "Academy" in any first sentence.

-You wear extra-soft leather driving gloves that "really help" with crosswind landings.

-You built a shrine to yourself in the den, but you really think your life-sized uniformed portrait painting would look better in the dining room. You want to talk to your wife about it, but you don't remember her name.

-For every request for flaps, or the landing gear, you have a cute presentation on aerodynamics and fuel efficiency. A hand-puppet helps you present it.