When your flying on a nice clear day, you look down on a few golf courses and think "Man, I wish I were golfing today".

Then the next time your golfing, you walk up to the first tee box, see an airliner flying overhead and think to yourself: "Suckers! I'm golfing!"

• When people ask you how you are doing, you reply, "living the dream" and spend the rest of your day trying to convince yourself it is true.

• You mentally make fun of your neighbor the accountant, who you think is "the most boring man in the world." One day you find out how much he makes and then are conflicted.

• You refer to your FAs by the cabin altitude needed before you would find them attractive (e.g. "whoa, we got a 20,000 footer on board..." or "oh my gosh, finally, a sea-level beauty.")

• You change your callsign to 1234-"heavy" depending if a particular FA is on board. She also subconsciously enters into your V-speed calculations. You swear that you have to adjust trim when she does cabin service.

• You thought "Airplane!" was a documentary.

• Toward the end of a long haul your 15,000 foot purser is now down to 5k, and this worries you.

You proudly display your crew bag with your NRA sticker, vote Republican and call it socialism, the ones who want the same healthcare that you are entitled to.

You might be an airline pilot if......

.....you are a grown middle aged man but you still have to request permission to go to the bathroom when you are at work....

......you've ever been waiting outside the hotel for the van in the dark at 0430 waiting to start your day while watching drunken partiers stumble down the street as they finish their day....

....you've ever read the dispatch paperwork at the podium to find you've been given the jet with several bizarre and intricate MELs, the destination WX is near mins and right at that moment, a guy in an ill fitting cheap sport jacket comes up to introduce himself and before he says a word you know who he is and who he works for and think...."Awww crud, not today!"

I guess I'll try one
You may be an airline pilot if you thank people for their patience knowing damn well that they don't have any.

After eating a rare meal at home, you instinctively place your napkin over your dirty plate and silverware, turn around, and place them on the floor behind your chair.

And you know you're married to a flight attendant if he or she enters the room and immediately trips over them.

Haha! Excellent.

Are you describing yourself?

If you patiently explain to your family that going somewhere so you can sleep in a hotel and eat in a restaurant is not really "getting away from it all"...

You have a wife that wants to go on vacation as soon as you get home and all you can think of is the couch the lawn and espn.