HeWhoRazethAll

I'm at a regional and have been through a divorce. It all depends on your wife. While my marriage didn't end to AIDS, I was working a 91 job 24/7 on-call at the time. It drove her nuts that I couldn't ever commit to anything socially / vacations etc. She didn't work and with me gone all the time and monotony setting in she got interested in other men.

My belief is that 121 is the way to go. Don't commute. Having days off which are yours helps a lot. But none of that will matter if she isn't a strong, independent woman.

My current situation is a LTR with a successful self-employed woman in real estate. I'm gone long enough for her to miss me and home short enough she doesn't get annoyed. I make a point of planning fun things for us when I am home and we travel.

TonyC

Marriage isn't always easy.

Is that a trick question?



There's lots of good. For one, my wife likes having a happy husband.

She also enjoys the comfortable living the compensation affords us. I currently live in domicile, and she enjoys me being OFF, really OFF, on days off, which comprise about half of the month. The vast majority of my peers enjoy the freedom of living anywhere in the world they want, even moving whenever the mood strikes them, and continuing to work for the same employer.


Spend less time asking strangers on an internet forum and more time talking to your wife. No two experiences are exactly alike, and the only opinion you should be interested in, other than your own, is hers.





So, she works 50 hours per week and is on a “digital leash” which keeps her from being fully present when she's home? (That's how you described your current schedule.) If you're both doing that, who's watching the toddler? Daycare. So, you're not really raising your son, you're paying someone else to do it. I can't think of much things worse than that.

Why not find a job where you're home half the time and at least participate in the rearing of your son that half?



There's not a single holiday that cannot be observed early or late and have the same effect. The focus should be on the celebration, and not the number on the calendar. Junior won't notice for many years.



Was that written into the vows?

How about her monthly trips out of town? Were those also written into the vows?

Life comes with changes, challenges, and opportunities that neither of you could foresee when you said, "I do." If those vows were contingent on some preset limitations or artificial constructs, then you should honor them. If your vows were along the line of this day forward, better/worse, sickness/health, richer/poorer, until death do us part, both of you should be able to adapt to unforeseen choices and adventures.





I see that perspective as a huge mistake. There's nothing close to minutia regarding the child. My first priority would be doing whatever it takes -- and I mean whatever -- to make sure the child is with a parent as much as possible. You may be able to afford day care, but the more important question is, can your son afford day care?




You say she's not controlling, then describe how she's controlling. That's an issue that is highlighted by your desire to pursue a career in aviation, but it won't go away if you decide not to do it. Place a bookmark there and come back later to work on it. Ignoring it won't make it go away. Address it and work on it before it rears its ugly head at the most inopportune moment.



It sounds like you have a challenge on your hands to open her eyes to the reality of the challenge. You need to educate her about the work involved to reach the goals, and about the rewards that are available when you do. You also need to ask yourself, and then share with her, what motivates you to take this path. Is it because you're burnt out with your current job and want something easier? Is it because you see the potential for a better life for your family? Is it so she can spend more time at home with your son? What is the end game? Finally, the most important question, does she want the same ultimate goal?


Unless she wants the same ultimate goal, it will be harder for you, and, you're right, she may take advantage of any setback to torture you for upsetting the status quo.


But if you can convince her that this will lead to a better future for your family and get her to support you through the tough times so you can make it to the good times, it doesn't matter what a bunch of strangers on APC said.



What control do you have now?

Try coming home from work and telling her you were just fired.

After you get the initial reaction, tell her you weren't actually fired, but you could have been. You really don't have control over that, and neither does she, for that matter. Life is full of uncertainties. We deal with them as they arise.

You DO have control over when you apply, and if seniority matters to her, the earlier, the better.



Oh, and don't worry about how many people of so-and-so category got divorced. 100% of divorces can be traced to marriage, but so what. You can only be concerned with 1 marriage, your own. Talk to your wife, listen to your wife, pray with your wife, and decide together what's best for YOUR family. Then do that.






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Sam York

Anyone else laugh when they read this?
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As for the original poster. I've got nothing for you. I be single, no kids with plenty of man toys. Mortgage paid off and after bills/investments are paid/funded each month a modest amount of spending cash to blow (you can only save so much).

My married friends hate me. The biggest problem I have is deciding which strippie is going to bounce on my lap. The blonde or the brunette. I've learned to stay away from the redheads. First world single guy problems my friend.

PS married guys, don't call/text your single guy friends at 7am. I know you had to get your little germ factories off to school early but I'm not getting up until 10.

Space Ranger

Wow dude, SICK! Such a party boy. Must be sweet to wake up in your bachelor pad, alone, wreaking of cheap Macy's perfume samplers. Why have a family when you can just come home every night to a cold dark and empty apartment. Living the dream brah

jonnyjetprop

Different strokes for different folks. I do like coming home to my family though.

N19906

Well, we got to page #5 before a retarded Troll showed up. Pretty good for APC, on average.
Thanks everybody, for your well thought-out, considerate replies. I think the OP received the advice he was looking for. This is a helluva job, and my hat's off to all of our significant others who support us in it, without referring to it as some kind of "hobby".
Cheers.

TonyC

You need to change you Number of Posts to Show Per Page to something more manageable. I'm only on Page 2 here.






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Poser765

I'm in the same boat you are in, my friend. The difference? I am married.

Air Guitar

Any minor qualms or reservations she will have will most likely be magnified by x5 as your career progresses through the years. You need to seriously have a talk and make clear any unexpressed expectations she may have even if it causes conflict. Conflict itself is not always a bad thing. Conflict is sometimes necessary to talk about the things we dislike, just as long as there is communication and understanding. If you are not truly fulfilled with your current job and don't see being a pilot as potentially a lifelong commitment, then you need to take a step back and reassess your current commitments in your life.

What would help is, have complete transparency about the aviation industry with her and how seniority works and how large that plays a part in your QOL.

hydrostream

This almost 3 year old post was bumped by some scammer or bot that has since been deleted. I doubt the OP is still around to read advice.