Connect and get the inside scoop on Airline Companies

Welcome to Airline Pilot Forums - Connect and get the inside scoop on Airline Companies

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. Join our community today and start interacting with existing members. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free.


User Tag List

Closed
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 05-31-2006, 04:35 PM   #1  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
vagabond's Avatar
 
Joined APC: May 2006
Position: C-172
Posts: 7,819
Default joke du jour May 31, 2006

Ok, this is the contribution of which I spoke in another thread.

Two Polish hunters hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt
moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return
trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only three moose.
The two Polocks objected strongly. "Last year we shot six moose and the
pilot let us put them all on board ; he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Unfortunately, even
on full power the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few
minutes after takeoff.

Climbing out of the wreck, Stanley asked Wally "Any idea where we are?"

Wally replied "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
vagabond is offline  
Old 05-31-2006, 06:44 PM   #2  
Cass
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

HAHAHA!!!!!
You know that is loosely based on a true story with a Caravan in Alaska.
Only it was 2 Moose strapped to the floats!
Good show!

Last edited by Cass; 05-31-2006 at 06:54 PM.
 
Old 05-31-2006, 06:53 PM   #3  
Cass
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Heres one for ya,
Hung Chow calls in to the little Chinese food place that he works and says " I no come work today, I hav stumuk problem and head ache"
His boss says " Hung Chow, I really need you today, when I have such problems, I go to my wife for s*x and then I am all better"
2 hours later Hung Chow arrives at work, exhuberant,
" I am much betta now" he says," Hey, you hav nice house!"
 
Old 05-31-2006, 07:13 PM   #4  
Cass
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Here is another.
A pax plane is going down.
A female pax stands up and says emphatically"If I am going to die, I want someone to make me feel like a woman!"
A male pax stands up, takes off his shirt and says " Here, iron this"
 
Old 05-31-2006, 07:43 PM   #5  
APC co-founder
 
HSLD's Avatar
 
Joined APC: Feb 2005
Position: B-777-200
Posts: 5,728
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassaundra
HAHAHA!!!!!
You know that is loosely based on a true story with a Caravan in Alaska.
Only it was 2 Moose strapped to the floats!
Good show!
This is off topic for the thread, but this release involves a friend of mine in Anchorage. Years ago we would have written a folk song about him (ala Davey Crockett) for taking down a Moose with a pellet gun. These days you get a ticket!

Location: Anchorage
Case number: 06-0099XX
Type: Take Moose Closed Season
Text: On March 24, 2006, <Name Removed> of Anchorage was cited by
State Troopers from the Bureau of Wildlife Enforcement for taking a
moose during a closed season. On January 31, 2006, <Name> shot and
killed a moose with a pellet gun. Arraignment is set for Anchorage
District Court on April 20, 2006.
Author: KJB0
Received and posted Tuesday, March 28, 2006 9:07 AMThe

story is: he was trying to get young bull out of his yard and wanted to shoo it away with a pellet and one pump of the pellet gun. He hit it in the eye/brain and the thing dropped like a sack of flour.
HSLD is offline  
Old 05-31-2006, 10:36 PM   #6  
Da Man
 
WatchThis!'s Avatar
 
Joined APC: Feb 2005
Position: DC-10 F/O
Posts: 435
Default A Beer Before It Starts

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts". She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts." "That's it!" She blows her top, "You ba**trd! You waltz in here, flop your fat butt down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?" The husband sighed. "Oh sh*t, it's started."
WatchThis! is offline  
Old 06-01-2006, 06:51 AM   #7  
Gets Weekends Off
 
calcapt's Avatar
 
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: 737 Captain
Posts: 771
Default

A United Captain returning home to a yard covered in snow is surprised and more than a little offended to find that someone had wizzed in the snow the words "captain Bob sucks". He is so mad that he calls a detective and insists on finding the guilty party. The forensics lab gets involved to solve the mystery. Days later the detective calls captain Bob and informs him that two arrests have been made - his neighbor, a Continental Pilot and his own wife. "I can understand that no-good Continental guy doing this but my wife - how is she involved and why was she arrested"? "Well captain Bob, although the urine matched only your neighbor's DNA, the forensics lab determined it was your wife's handwriting".

Last edited by calcapt; 06-01-2006 at 01:15 PM.
calcapt is offline  
Old 06-01-2006, 07:08 AM   #8  
Gets Weekends Off
 
tomgoodman's Avatar
 
Joined APC: Feb 2006
Position: 767A (Ret)
Posts: 6,013
Default

A pilot was searching in the refrigerator and called to his wife: "Honey, where's the barbeque sauce?" She replied: "I don't understand how you can find Buffalo at night in a blizzard, but you can't find the barbeque sauce." He said: "That's because nobody MOVED Buffalo!"
tomgoodman is offline  
Old 06-01-2006, 07:00 PM   #9  
Gets Weekends Off
 
Skygirl's Avatar
 
Joined APC: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,146
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by WatchThis!
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts". She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts." "That's it!" She blows her top, "You ba**trd! You waltz in here, flop your fat butt down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?" The husband sighed. "Oh sh*t, it's started."
In the same vein...someone sent me this one today at work.

Man of the House...


The husband had just finished reading a new book
entitled "You Can Be the Man of Your House."
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From
now on, you need to know that I am the man of this
house and my word is law! You will prepare me a
gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my
meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me, and
we will have the kind of sex that I want. After that,
you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Then you will massage my feet and hands.
Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me
and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The 'f*ckin' Funeral Director
would be my guess."
Skygirl is offline  
Old 06-02-2006, 03:49 PM   #10  
Cass
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Why women should avoid a girls night out after marriage.
I was invited out with the girls the other night. My husband asked me to be home by midnight.
Well, I was having too much fun and too many cocktails and pretty soon it was 3 am.
Sh*t!!!!
So I went home, pretty loaded, went in the side door, creeping along like a mouse. Hah! I thought, Ill sneak into bed and tell him that I was just up going to the bathroom.
Just then, the cuckoo clock went off, sh*t I thought, he'll wake up! So I cuckood 9 times imediately after the cuckoo stopped.( enen in my hammered state, I was able to deduce the simple thought that 3 cuckoos plus 9 equals 12 cuckoos, Midnight!
Very pleased with myself indeed, I snuck into bed **********
The next morning at breakfast my husband asked me what time I returned home the previous night. I told him Midnight, he didnt say anything and I thought , "great!, I got away with it!!!!"
He then said that we needed to buy a new cuckoo ( ????? )
I said ,"why?"
He said, " well, last night at 3 am it cuckood 3 times, then it said oh sh*t,
cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckood 3 more times, giggled, cuckood twice more, then it tripped over the coffee table and f*rted".
 
 
 
 

 
Closed
 



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
word du jour vagabond Hangar Talk 1 06-01-2006 12:57 PM
new 2006 IRS figures Tech Maven Hangar Talk 2 01-30-2006 01:12 PM
UPS 2006 hiring projections? CRJammin Cargo 10 12-04-2005 06:35 AM
J.P. Morgan sees 2006 profit at CAL, AMR Sir James Major 0 10-25-2005 11:40 AM
Tilton predicts profits in 2006 SWAjet Major 2 06-05-2005 07:30 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 05:01 PM.