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Tool of the day

Old 03-25-2015, 03:22 AM
  #5931  
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Dude,

You owe me dry cleaning. Coffee thru the nose!



Originally Posted by Brokeasspot
One of my FA's told me tonight that she sleeps with the iron plugged in and laying on her bed because the heat repels bed bugs…I was speechless, all I could think was she has very limited days on this planet left. I don't know what the odds of an iron catching a mattress on fire, but I do know that when caught on fire, one will burn rather quickly!!! Her odds can't be to damn good!!!
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Old 03-25-2015, 05:12 AM
  #5932  
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Originally Posted by kfahmi
My nomination:

Trying to commute to work on a mainline flight that was beyond oversold, I politely requested the actual jumpseat from the Captain. With my documents and my ID at the ready, I asked, "Excuse me, Captain, sir, I'd like to request a ride in the jumpseat with your permission."

Captain takes a long look at me. "Who are you with?"

Me: "Skywest, Captain."

Captain gives me a look like I'd just relieved myself in his cornflakes. "You people are taking our flying, you know."

Me: "Well, sir, I'm just trying to get to work and I was just hoping you could help me out."

Captain (aggrieved sigh): "Do you HAVE to sit up here with us?"

Me: "Well sir, the flight is 10 oversold, but I'm happy to sit in back if a seat happens to open up."

Captain (louder aggrieved sigh): "Fine. If you MUST ride, then you must."

What made it hard to keep a straight face was that during this entire conversation, both the F/O and the lead F/A were standing behind the CA making silly faces and trying to imitate Mr. Grumpypants's facial expressions.

Same Captain then spent the rest of the flight complaining about the temerity of regional pilots who shouldn't be allowed to fly anything bigger than a Metroliner.

When he got up to use the lav, the instant the door closed, the F/O turns to me and goes "Can you believe that guy? I've been having to put up with this ---- for the past 4 days. I'm about ready to lock him out of the --- cockpit. Let me buy you a coffee when we land, to apologize." He was very kind. But I insisted on buying HIM the coffee

I got to work on time, though.
I bet you I can guess the airline...
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Old 03-25-2015, 03:13 PM
  #5933  
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Originally Posted by Cruz Clearance
Don't be the guy who decidedness to drag wife on a layover. Makes myself and the driver wait 25 minutes while she clears customs and immigration. Then expects me to sit in the front seat of the small cab for an hour plus drive, the one time they don't bring the Lexus or BMW 7 series sedan.

OK if you at could have at least asked "Do you mind?". Tool of the day.
Well when you get that fourth stripe you can opine and make your views law of your jet. Guess who'll make TOTD then
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Old 03-25-2015, 03:19 PM
  #5934  
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Originally Posted by kfahmi
My nomination:

Trying to commute to work on a mainline flight that was beyond oversold, I politely requested the actual jumpseat from the Captain. With my documents and my ID at the ready, I asked, "Excuse me, Captain, sir, I'd like to request a ride in the jumpseat with your permission."

Captain takes a long look at me. "Who are you with?"

Me: "Skywest, Captain."

Captain gives me a look like I'd just relieved myself in his cornflakes. "You people are taking our flying, you know."

Me: "Well, sir, I'm just trying to get to work and I was just hoping you could help me out."

Captain (aggrieved sigh): "Do you HAVE to sit up here with us?"

Me: "Well sir, the flight is 10 oversold, but I'm happy to sit in back if a seat happens to open up."

Captain (louder aggrieved sigh): "Fine. If you MUST ride, then you must."

What made it hard to keep a straight face was that during this entire conversation, both the F/O and the lead F/A were standing behind the CA making silly faces and trying to imitate Mr. Grumpypants's facial expressions.

Same Captain then spent the rest of the flight complaining about the temerity of regional pilots who shouldn't be allowed to fly anything bigger than a Metroliner.

When he got up to use the lav, the instant the door closed, the F/O turns to me and goes "Can you believe that guy? I've been having to put up with this ---- for the past 4 days. I'm about ready to lock him out of the --- cockpit. Let me buy you a coffee when we land, to apologize." He was very kind. But I insisted on buying HIM the coffee

I got to work on time, though.

Originally Posted by EMBFlyer
I bet you I can guess the airline...


My money is on Scr-United!
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Old 03-25-2015, 03:22 PM
  #5935  
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Originally Posted by EMBFlyer
I bet you I can guess the airline...
Ha, I like when they take the jumpseat in the back, and refuse to even say hi, or thanks to us up front.
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Old 03-25-2015, 03:30 PM
  #5936  
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Tool of the day belongs to a captain who just got on the PA and told the pax,"Ok folks we have an APU Bleed MEL and that is why is warm back there. We will start an engine here at the gate then we will crossbleed shortly thereafter. 4 hours 4 minutes, welcome aboard."
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Old 03-26-2015, 06:01 AM
  #5937  
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Originally Posted by Captain Nemo
Tool of the day belongs to a captain who just got on the PA and told the pax,"Ok folks we have an APU Bleed MEL and that is why is warm back there. We will start an engine here at the gate then we will crossbleed shortly thereafter. 4 hours 4 minutes, welcome aboard."
How is that tooley other than a little long winded?
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Old 03-26-2015, 06:16 AM
  #5938  
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Because what Joe Schmo passenger knows what an APU bleed MEL is, much less what a cross bleed start means? Gotta keep those PA's simple usually.


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Old 03-26-2015, 06:16 AM
  #5939  
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Originally Posted by CanoePilot
How is that tooley other than a little long winded?
I would guess he was referring to the use of technical jargon or lack of "useful/meaningful" information to the average flyer.

-2263
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Old 03-26-2015, 07:05 AM
  #5940  
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Originally Posted by Speedbird2263
I would guess he was referring to the use of technical jargon or lack of "useful/meaningful" information to the average flyer.

-2263
Yeah, if he's going to talk about the MEL in a PA, he should have included the MEL number, category, and expiration date. And why didn't he read the cross bleed start procedures over the PA as well?

Reminds me of a trip I had a couple weeks ago, the F/A's were having trouble getting the cabin lights to dim for the long night flight. A passenger complained to one of the F/A's, "I'm a retired FAA Maintenance Inspector! Tell the Captain he needs to come back here and FIX THESE LIGHTS!"

Um...Yeah...I'll be right there, just let me finish my ATP Home Study Course first, then I'll start pulling all these circuit breakers, and then....

Not all the tools are in the front of the jet.
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