"stallboy"

Haha that's awesome. We're back in the days of 2500hr upgrades at 23-24 yrs old. Not that everyone is immature at that age but it sure brings some interesting people in that position.

After he included the altimeter setting, wind speed and direction, cloud layer heights and so on, my captain said "Reach over and shake your neighbors hand and introduce yourself. He might save your life one day." I wanted to crawl into the ducting vents. You really can't script this stuff.

Welcome aboard
Flight number
Destination
Flight time
Smooth/bumpy ride (altitude optional)
Current weather at destination
-Calm/light/gusty
-Clear/partly/mostly/overcast/rain/snow
-temperature
(Any delay, operational or maintenance issues)
Thanks again, welcome aboard

I don't feel the need to say my name or my qualifications or where I'm from or what we are flying over or any other stupid fluff the pax really don't give a cr@p about

Well, if you see something people are interested in, it's nice to point it out, i.e. "There's the Grand Canyon on the left." Just keep it simple. Especially when you know you have a lot of vacationers on board like going to Alaska in the summer. Then not so much when it's just business or local folks traveling who probably know the route better than you do...like to/from Alaska in the winter.

I actually heard this happen last year. Guy in a Bonanza lost his engine, did a Mayday on Guard with a position report and asked if anyone knew where the nearest airport was. (This was in a rural area in the Cascades so the location of the nearest airport may not have been immediately obvious to the Bonanza driver).

Instantly an airline guy (you could tell by that medium -pitch hum on the transmission that seems to be a Boeing thing) jumped on the radio and berated the guy for clogging up Guard. I couldn't believe my ears. I knew of a private strip close to where the fork-tail driver had reported his location, so I informed him of its position and told him I'd pass along his Mayday to Center. Guess what happened? Yup, cue the same airline guy...'YER ON GUARD.'

Fortunately the Bo guy got his engine restarted (sounded like it may have been carb ice) and diverted successfully. I wanted to punch the guy from the Guard Police, though...

It's become a Pavlovian reaction in some people I think. Probably had guard all the way down in volume, heard a little transmission broadcast, didn't even listen to what he was saying and switched over and did his thing and switched right back without even thinking twice.

The new question is that in the day of smart phones and wifi airplanes, why are we playing weather man?

True, we also stopped giving out connecting gate info. I keep the weather short. "light winds, partly cloudy skies, temp 82 degrees"
Honestly its the bare minimum of what my FOM tells me to say, and I stick to it as brief as I can. I don't feel the need to flower it up, make myself famous, or sound like a jacka$$

Since when did the pax care about the winds? Party cloudy and 80 degrees is all that's needed. They already know anyways from their phones or TV or usa today.